I don’t enjoy motherhood

Just, thank you for this thread. You've made me feel sane / not a dreadful mum.

From,

Mother of a nearly three year old who is going through it all.

I feel the same most of the time and then my three year old will do something lovely like wake me up by getting into my bed, snuggling and whispering 'I love you mummy.' 🥺

I will say though that some of us enjoy the ‘drudge’ that others don’t, and there’ll be bits I don’t enjoy that others do.

I LOVE the school run. I love making their meals and ensuring everyone eats well 85/90% of the time. When they’re older and sick, you get the perfect excuse to watch endless films and really make a fuss of them (young sick kids are NOT fun, and it’s even worse when you get ill; this ends!). I love watching them play sports - even in winter. Football is the highlight of my life (and I’m not actually a football fan) and I go to every game. Reading them stories is the best. As they get older you can travel much more easily and taking them away is great whereas holidays with young kids was like purgatory for me.

We’ve not quite entered teen years yet but I hear a lot of positives about these from friends and colleagues. Plus, as they get older you can push ahead with your career and you feel more you again.

Find small children hard work and boring if I’m honest. So much nicer now they’re 35 and 26. They’re the greatest x

I enjoy the kisses and the pride when they do something new but it’s a horrendous workload. I’ve bit slept properly in 11 years with mine. The illnesses, the lack of sleep, the wiping bums, relentless food making and clearing up, dealing with their emotions. I don’t enjoy myself on a day to day basis. I’ve got two with a big age gap inbetween and I didn’t stop doing ‘mum jobs’ until 10:15pm last night and then I was up twice in the night with my three year old who has covid

Late primary years were the easiest for us. And the early years weren't too bad as I enjoyed being with them, playing with them, despite the hard graft. But the teenage years have been awful so far with my 13 and 15yr olds. So much sacrifice, for little reward, at least that what it feels like.

Emotionally, it's the most fulfilling, wonderful, amazing thing I've ever done.

Day-to-day? Bloody awful. Relentless grind. 90% of the things I do, I do every day. But I think of it as each day is one more building block in their future mental health. And I look forward to a full night's sleep, a full meal, and a full minute of no-one needing anything ... in about 18 years' time!

This!

Thanks for posting OP, you've made me feel more normal for struggling too.

People romanticise the baby/toddler years so much, to an abnormal degree quite frankly that makes us feel guilty when we don't.

I adore my two boys (2 under 2) and love them with all my heart. But my goodness it is relentless. I long for a day spent in bed having a lie in, followed by a hot bath, lunch out, pampering.... ah.

Instead here I am today going to soft play!

I hear you!

Nothing could have prepared me for the teenage years with my girls.
It's next level hard work.
I'm waiting for them to come back from their dad's with dread in my belly

Yes, totally normal! Please don't worry/feel guilty. You'll end up only remembering how you felt guilty etc and not actually end up remembering any fun times you did manage to have! (From my experience, anyway!).

I'm sure you're a FAB mother so don't fear - enjoy the little moments of "nice" that you do get and just allow the other emotions of being fed up to ride their course. I highly doubt they will last... my DS became way more fun at around the 4/5 age mark because we could just do more stuff with much more ease!

Stupidly we now have a newborn but NEVERMIND 🤣 big hugs xx

@WhydoIcaresomuch no way I’m doubling up with another one in the hope they play together. Those first 2 yrs were hell on earth! Thanks OP for creating this thread

I don't think it is supposed be 100% enjoyable?

Its a role/job/duty. As with many things that are challenging, there can be real rewards and enjoyable times.

But who loves getting up at 6am yet again, making slushy weetabix yet again, changing nappies yet again? No one!

Who loves yet another school run with two comatose teens? No one!

However when said teen draws you a lovely mothers day card and says thank you and love you, it is all worth it!

When your toddler is really cute as a sheep in the nativity, it is all worth it.

I didn't enjoy the toddler years at all. From age 4/5 it started to get nicer. And personally I have found the teenage years great, my DS is 16 and it's been no trouble at all.

I’m really going through it right now too and I also feel terribly guilty. I find myself wanting to be anywhere else when they want me to just play with them. I start to dissociate when my three year old gears up for a tantrum. I hate the drudgery and monotony. And I feel horrible because my seven year old feels it, I think. Actually I think they both too. Im just exhausted.

This is it.

It's unrelenting, so don't feel bad about it. I find motherhood to be such a personal experience as well, that it doesn't matter what anyone else is doing, your process can be unique to you 💐.

Honestly at around 8 it gets SO much easier.

Age 5 to 11 is delightful. This is when we get to enjoy them

then the eldest becomes a teen and that’s the hardest stage of all!

You can still have fun and interesting, if you have an equal partner and insist on some time for yourself rather than doing everything together.

I'm not a parent yet but definitely worry about the things you are describing OP.

My life now is fun and interesting. I know I'll have to give up so much 😫

But I still want to be a mum really badly, even knowing how dull and monotonous a lot of the drudgery of caring for a young child is going to be.

That instinct/ drive to reproduce is very strong.

This is lovely to hear. My twins are 6 now. One-on-one they are wonderful, but their ‘twinness’ together is still so difficult! People try to tell me it’s the same as any other siblings, but it’s really not.

Parts of parenting are tedious.No one loves changing nappies or toilet training but if you see it as a short lived phase it makes life easier. Just work on reframing your thinking. If you struggle with parenting there is no shame in saying so or even deciding not to add to your family.

YANBU.
I'm 6.5 years in and it's still tough for me, I'm not a natural mum.
I love DD to bits but it's a daily struggle.
However, this may be due to having a useless partner. I always struggled with not doing what I wanted when I wanted...having a child is a huge sacrifice.
It does get better in some ways like it's wonderful having chats with them and the funny things they say. It can be essentially like growing your own little best friend 😄
But still...exhausting and thankless.

Don't feel you have to have another either, 1 is most definitely enough.

Oh I am so with you! My oldest is 2 and just starting to really get better. The youngest is 4.5 months and it’s SO hard. No more children for me!!!!!

I have two and found it considerably easier when they could play together (youngest just under 2, eldest just under 5), but my older boy alone I’d say 6+ (we called ‘5’ ‘the Fuck It Fives’ because he was HARD WORK that first year or so in school). The sweet spot for us has been the primary years with both: they are fun and funny and loving but you don’t do so much of the relentless drudge (no nappies, less illness, can get dressed etc). Life is still tough at times but it’s less about the children being hard and more about logistics - clubs, homework, school trips etc.

YANBU. As the only child free by choice person in my friendship group (because I absolutely KNEW I’d be shit at it) I am the one that my mum friends confide in about how hard/boring/dull it is, because they get no judgement from me. They love their children obviously but it is hard bloody work. I think Mums are often worried about what other mums will think….but, from what I can gather, it is dull as shit part of the time?
I should add that we are all getting a bit older, children are now more independent and they all seem to enjoy it a lot more!