To be worried about my step daughter's behaviour?

The poor girl. She's unhappy at her mum's and then has her dad screaming at her.

There is clearly something very wrong at her mum's house. Please report this to children's services. It is not normal for a DC to act how she is. And please tell your DP to stop being abusive to her too. Such a sad situation.

Not read any replies but I can't help but think this screams issues with step father or his two kids. Emotional abuse which could range from basic bullying to much much worse or actual physical abuse.

Girls usually want their mums so the fact she's desperate to stay screams major alarm bells to me, it's so sad

Her dad needs to listen to his daughter, there is a reason she doesn't want to go she possibly can't articulate it at the moment.
Sadly I know from experience of my son being increasingly reluctant and eventually breaking down to tell me the real reasons he didn't want to spend time with his father who he had previously idolised. He was being sent back to an abusive household.
I hope this isn't the case for your SD, but it sounds worrying to be honest.

Or as a human being who is being begged for help by a child you help them..

JC.

You have to help this possibly endangered child. Every other adult in her life is failing her!

I suspect the stepfather is abusing her. From what you've written it absolutely sounds that way. You have to protect her!

Oh, and your OH is a despicable human being.

Your partner sounds horrible! Are you happy with him?

Tell him straight he needs to find out what is going on here. This is so not normal behaviour from a 14 year old and her father should be seriously concerned!

She's so lucky to have you worry about her and be there for her.

How is she about getting into the car when she's picked up - is she reluctant? Does she look scared?

It does sound like her dad just can't be bothered to get to the bottom of it.

She obviously feels safe with you so as PP has suggested when she texts you, ask questions along the lines of " Do you want to tell me why you hate going back to your mum's? / Does anything happen that you don't like? / Does anybody hurt you or touch you when you don't want them to?"

She may find it easier to talk about via text?

I realy hope you manage to find out what it is - she sounds so unhappy

Ditto...

Are you me?

I left at 17 and shacked up with a 40 year old bloke for a couple of years!

Amazing what damage it does isn’t it?

She is lucky to have you. Her parents don’t sound very supportive or helpful.
How can a father “scream” as his distressed child like that? She’s not being a brat, she sounds very upset.

When I was screaming, crying and begging my mother not to send me home it was because I was being abused by my step mother.

Turns out my mother knew I found out in adulthood so that’s nice 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Take your stepdaughter somewhere quiet and private and chat to her, see if you can find out why she doesn’t want to go home.

This is exactly what I thought.

How does that poor girl cope with really not wanting to go and live at her mums but also knowing her dad doesn't want her either.

I'm so glad she has you.

OP you sound like a better parent than all three of her parents combined. If your partner didn’t have his DD would your relationship with each other be better or worse? In your shoes I would say to your SD “oh did you know phones can do this?” And show her how to delete sent messages from her phone. Then ask about her family life/mum/step dad via text at some point. The fact that she’s generally a good kid but is begging on her knees when she has to leave is ringing alarm bells

So pleased she has you and that you are empathetic to her and concerned about what may be happening in her life.

You can't get too involved here.

Your partner sounds shit and I'm going to assume your relationship won't last so please don't make promises to this girl that you can't keep.

This!!!

And what's the law?? If it went to court it would be DDs choice as she's over 11.

It's definitely not normal behaviour, have you tried taking her out on her own and talking to her? I'd be being quite firm in telling her, you can't help her if she doesn't tell you why she doesn't want to go home. Now you've given a bit more background it does sound like there is some sort of abuse going on.

Believe her and ditch your husband. Has it not crossed his mind that she could be getting sexually abused (I'm not jumping to conclusions, just using it for context).

@Blasianwoman I try too but it is always the same answers : I hate stepdad ... Please just let me stay ... Once I am 18 I will never see my family again ... Why do want to know, just let me stay ... I want to live here ... stepdad is horrible ....

New user - Only joined to tell you this as it's so important.

This 100% sounds like me at 14. I was being sexually abused and groomed by my stepdad. The embarrassment of what was happening to me meant that I couldn't/wouldn't articulate it. All I would say to those I trusted was that I hated him but couldn't say why, and I would be out of there as fast as I could be when I was 18.

I eventually left at 16 and moved in with a 40 year old man. Somebody needs to be there for her so she has somewhere else to turn, rather than being forced to jump from the frying pan into the fire.

Ask her very quietly and gently "Does anything happen that you don't like? Does anybody hurt you or touch you when you don't want them to?" Sit with her and be patient, let her tell you in her own way and time.

If you don't help this child then when it comes out what is happening you'll more than likely never see her again. It's time the chose. The right thing or the dickhead you're shacked up with.

Definitely something dodgy going on at mums house. My first thought was abusive step dad.

This is not at all normal. She is lucky to have you

Fucking hell. Leave and take her with you (you clearly think your Dp is a dick - cut your losses there). Involve social services. Contact the safeguarding team at school. This is horrific. She’s at such a vulnerable age and out of the 4 adults in her life, 3 are shit. You shouldn’t have to step up and be the “grown up” but you absolutely do. It is your business because the protection of children is the primary duty of every adult. I’d be tempted to take her to a hotel tonight if she isn’t “allowed” to stay in her own home with her dad.

As I have just seen on another post my thoughts went to abuse, to me that is the only reason that I can think of to trigger such an extreme reaction in a 14 year old and if it is sexual abuse that would be very difficult for her to talk about. I hope it isn't that. She needs to be out of there if it is.

I’m sorry, but your partner doesn’t exactly sound like a very involved parent. He’s not crowning himself in glory by not finding out wtf is going on. Isn’t he worried? Poor kid! (I would find this very unattractive)

That's a big age gap between you.

Have you been together long? And I'd advise you to make sure that your contraception is watertight.

Why is your partner screaming at his already distressed child?! He should be fucking falling over himself to find out what the hell is going on at that house that is making her too terrified to return. You need to step in and sod the consequences – no, she's not your child but while she is in your house she is in your care and that means you have a say.