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Original poster

DH weekend football games & baby

85 replies

sandbun67 · 30/06/2024 13:59

DH goes to the local home football games with his friends on Saturdays and has done for as long as I have known him. They are a really nice group of men - they go, have a few drinks in a nearby pub, see the game and come home. All very innocent and they are out for about 5-6 hours. Always been really happy for him to go, even for the last 9 months when we have had a new baby as I can sometimes get someone to come and help me and I also feel quite well rested (baby is a great sleeper) so I'm happy to do the day alone if I need to. DH is also a very involved dad and supports me a lot so I'm happy for him to take the time to continue doing something he really enjoys.

However, I recently mentioned to DH that I wasn't sure about him going to every single game when I'm back working FT as a teacher in September. I thought this was quite reasonable but he thinks I'm being really unfair and I can't decide who is being unreasonable. My reasoning to him was as follows:

  • The working week is exhausting. Pre baby I usually had to work one day at the weekend just to keep on top of everything and I can only see this getting worse as I will need to leave work earlier to pick up from nursery. I would usually do my work on a Sunday meaning that Saturday is my only 'free' day of the week. If DH goes to a football match and leaves me to solo parent on this free day, I effectively won't get a day off all week. Yes I can get someone to come and help me but this isn't necessarily how I would want to spend this free day - I'd like to spend it with him and our DD!
  • The football games take place roughly 1/3 of my working weekends (I'm happy for him to go on the weekends of school holidays when I will have been off in the week). So effectively one third of all my working weekends I have already been signed up to not really getting a break/time as a family.
  • When do we get family time? DH has suggested on other weekends I can do something for myself and he'll look after DD so it balances out, but if I match him on this then we will hardly ever get family time the 3 of us.

For clarity, I didn't say that I didn't want him to go, just that maybe he could reduce the amount he goes but he thinks that the number of games in a year is reasonable.

Genuinely unsure who is being unreasonable here as I sort of feel backed into a corner and I feel that it has just been assumed I will agree to this.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 30/06/2024 14:13

I think one out of three weekends is fine tbh.

As a compromise he could miss the pre-game drinks to keep the time down, 2-3 hours every third weekend is hardly excessive.

Or get him to take the baby with him in a sling, get the little one into football early.

Is he doing his fair share the rest of the time? Maybe he needs to do at least one pick-up a week so you can stay late at school and get stuff done then.

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2024 14:09

I still don't see where domestic life fits in at all

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2024 14:08

lazyarse123 · 30/06/2024 14:05

If you can get someone to help couldn't you do your work on that day? Seems a bit unfair to your DH.

So the OP works 6 days a week.
Maybe has 1 day off

DH works 5 days a week
Has 1 day off

Family time/chores/life stuff fits in where?

If the OP isn't saying he can't ever go, where does his life really change?

LadySybilRamekin · 30/06/2024 14:08

Equal leisure time is the goal (in my view) - so what would that look like here? How could you get the same amount of leisure time, not counting time you spend working - and then family time on top of that? What has he got to suggest?

arethereanyleftatall · 30/06/2024 14:07

I actually don't think 5 hours out per week at a hobby is unreasonable. You obvo would get the same so that's 10 hours disposable time needed.
But this is decisions people need to make as a family and ideally - not that I did so no judgement- before you start a family.
Some couples/parents do prioritise their individual 'me time.'
And some prioritise using all their disposable time as a family.
Neither is right or wrong I don't think, but you do need to be on the same page.

lazyarse123 · 30/06/2024 14:05

If you can get someone to help couldn't you do your work on that day? Seems a bit unfair to your DH.

Sirzy · 30/06/2024 14:05

Going out for a few hours 1 in 3 weekends is fine, he is allowed time to himself. You should also get the similar amount of time as downtime.

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2024 14:02

Show him what you've put

Ask him how he feels about family time or not

what happens if you have more children?

midgetastic · 30/06/2024 14:01

Start going out for a few hours every Sunday and explain that's fair and he will get more quality time with baby that way

Hairycooter · 30/06/2024 14:00

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