DH weekend football games & baby

If his day out is more like every other weekend, then you do something for the same amount of time every other weekend too. Make sundays family days. Have expectations that he will in fact plan and parent on his Saturday, not just plonk the baby next to him while he watches football on tv.

How kind and compassionate.

Everyones different. First babies can be a shock to the system. I struggled with my first at 9 months even though he was easy.

Stop being spiteful.

Sometimes it’s quality more than quantity! It might take a little while to get into a routine that works for you, but just remember not to right off the little moments each day and you’ll be fine!

I agree this can work really well.
My DH and I don't tend to have picked the children both up from nursery and school until nearer to 5.30, they love a 7.30 bedtime and my eldest has 3 clubs midweek too- so week time isn't really quality time, it's more holding your breath until Saturday! But I agree that you shouldn't just have all your eggs in a weekend basket.
It's easier to have that quality time when the weather is nicer too- we like to do a late playground trip or a cycle round the block etc before bed.

The point I think I was trying to make is that quality time can happen in the week too! My and DP both work full time, with young children, and honestly putting the phone down and just embracing those few hours between nursery and bed is lovely. They’ve eaten at nursery, we wait until they’re asleep and for those few undisturbed hours we play or read books and do bedtime, and it’s honestly quite lovely. Appreciate depending on nursery finish time and bedtime it might not be as feasible for everyone but it means that by the weekend I don’t feel like I haven’t spent any time with them or that we all need to be together all weekend. I also tend to push bedtime back a bit now I’m back at work, my oldest has always been very low sleep need and my youngest naps wonderfully at nursery so if they stay up an hour later they’re ok the next day!

I think whoever said DH should pick up baby from nursery a couple of evenings a week had a good point. Then you finish your work on Saturday morning.

Are you going back full time OP? if not, can you put baby in childcare an extra day/half day in the week and do your extra work then rather than the weekend? (Free hours for 9
month olds are coming in soon if they haven’t already so your bill will still be less than it would have been even with an extra day…)

Also, I found I gave a lot less of a shit going back to teaching after having a baby. I worked a lot fewer hours outside of my paid hours. I don’t go above and beyond anymore. I get through the week and go home!

Op has quite clearly said she isn't saying it because she needs help with the baby.

For me it's not so much about everyone having equal amounts of free time alone / time off from kids and work etc. I wouldn't like this set up much but my reason for that would be that since I work full time, I give my children me at the weekend in full. I do other stuff after they've gone to bed. My husband is the same as me and it currently works for us.

I wonder if that's what you don't like about it op- the idea that your baby has yet another day of not seeing a parent in the week?

I'd try to do work on an evening and dh does bedtime. That way you get a two day break from work. Then ensure you get a few hours to your either Saturday morning or on Sunday. - go gym, see friends, have lay in etc.

Then try to have a bit of family time where you can.

Also needing help for that 1 Saturday with 1 child? Do you have some underlying health conditions or are suffering with your mental health? Because I can’t fathom how a mother can’t cope alone with a 9 month old for a few hours.

He goes out 1 out of 3 Saturdays and you can’t find time for family time?

Agree. I don't understand about family time. We never had family time. What do you want to do with this family time you already spend time together when you are at home.

OP you’ll be fine, we have the same situation in my house but in reverse - I’m the one with the season ticket who goes to the football every other weekend (ish) and DH regularly picks up a few hours overtime on a Sunday. You’ll get into your routine and find time for family time on evenings, Saturday mornings, closed season/season breaks, any free time etc.

If it’s a ‘big’ local team where he’s paying hundreds of pounds or more for a season ticket then I would assume he’s already paid for or started paying for the next one, so you could always see how things go this season and if it really isn’t working then have the discussion before next renewal about going sporadically from next year.

This is an excellent suggestion.
My friend had this with her husband and golf. He felt it was reasonable to play on Sunday mornings taking 6 hours.
She promptly arranged for tennis and brunch on Saturday mornings. He lasted a month, was so grumpy and thought SHE was unreasonable. He was put straight VERY sharply. They don't get it until they live it.

@sandbun67
You have time together; you live in the same house, you share lives, why the need for Sunday 12-4 is family time? enforced activities ends up breeding resentment.
Go with the flow, he shouldn't need permission to go to a match.

Is it possible that there are chores to do, admin tasks to be seen to, grocery lists to make, etc, and the OP isn't spending her Saturday afternoons tickling the baby for five hours?

Yes to this.

You need to start a conversation about equal sharing of parenting ahead of your return to work. I think that would be more productive for you than focusing on free time, as it would remind him that you are equally parents, and it would also remind him that you are equally employed and earners while equally parents.

Any argument he puts forth based on income difference, if there is one, might come as a shocking eye opener to you, and you should focus on the principle of equal parenting rather than the nuts and bolts on that one.

I'd take the offer of the same amount of time child free and have it the morning of the football day. Use it wisely!

Longer term, can you trim down the teacher stuff? (fellow teacher, I know how bad it can be, especially if you've been a young child free person, then return to work). Set those boundaries around your time now. If it's not done, it's not done. No one will die.

Ex teacher here.

So you work 6 days and he works 5?

Id be mega pissed off. How do you grow a family with no family time?

Could you do 4 days? I remember the misery of the ‘extra’ planning day every week.

Yoir ds won’t always be an easy baby. He could be a tantrummkng toddler in 10 months.

19 (half?) Saturdays you'll get baby to yourself. You'll miss that when you're back at work too, you might even find you look forward to football Saturdays.

It's 19 weekends out of 52. You'll have 33 other weekends where he'll be with the family. By your own admission he does all the cooking and most of the cleaning. If you're going to tell him he can't have 6 hours for 19 weekends of the year then I think he'd have every right to be annoyed with that.