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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU, me or DH?

88 replies

Saramiah · 30/06/2024 13:03

DH: I’m going to take DC to my parents house for 10am and help my dad with DIY, my brother and his wife are coming with their DC also at 10am, you can pop to the shop (because he’d forgotten to buy them an anniversary present) then join us for dinner at 2pm.

DH at 12.30pm: Where are you?

Me: You told me 2pm?

DH: Yes but it’s rude of you just to turn up for dinner, you should come earlier to socialise and be polite!

Now he’s annoyed with me.

I know I’m autistic, but when he says come for dinner at 2pm, that means come at 2pm, doesn’t it? It doesn’t mean “come at 12pm to socialise politely before we have dinner at 2pm”?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 30/06/2024 13:19

Nope I would say that there are two options an open ended do you mind grabbing a present them coming round when ready and remember we sit down fir food at 2 which is saying come round to sicialise

abd what he said which is get there for 2

magnoliablooms · 30/06/2024 13:19

Saramiah · 30/06/2024 13:17

According to him, any “normal” person (ie not autistic) would know that “come at 2pm” really means “come at 1pm to be polite and socialise before we have dinner at 2pm”. Is that true?

Right but he knows you're autistic?

you can pop to the shop (because he’d forgotten to buy them an anniversary present) then join us for dinner at 2pm.

How dare he order you around like that. "You can pop to the shop" jeez. Who does he think he is.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 30/06/2024 13:19

No he said 2.. so I would aim to be there at 2

any earlier isn’t fair on the hosts who might not be ready

I bet he told you 2 and he is wrong and meant/ was told 12 and is now trying to blame you

OuijaBoard · 30/06/2024 13:19

Your mission, as defined by him, was to get the gift and bring it to his parents' house in time to join them for lunch at 2. You could have gone earlier, and I wouldn't have waited until exactly 2 to arrive, but arriving at say 1.30 or 1.45 would have been absolutely fine. He was unreasonable to hassle you at 12.30, and also unreasonable to call you "rude" - all he had to do was tell his parents (truthfully) that you were running some errands and would be there in time for lunch. If they consider that rude then that's their problem.

SpanielintheWorks · 30/06/2024 13:19

I'd probably turn up by quarter to, but no, I'd interpret it much as you did.

On the other hand, I have two autistic children, so my bar may be off.

FalseAlarmFail · 30/06/2024 13:18

No it is not true! NT here and I would be there for 2.

Original poster
Saramiah · 30/06/2024 13:17

According to him, any “normal” person (ie not autistic) would know that “come at 2pm” really means “come at 1pm to be polite and socialise before we have dinner at 2pm”. Is that true?

OP posts:
Jamieie · 30/06/2024 13:16

Why is he telling you what to do? "You can go to the shop", "you should come earlier". Erm no you can fuck off would be my response!

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 30/06/2024 13:15

@Saramiah send him back to school to learn his numbers!!!

Original poster
Saramiah · 30/06/2024 13:12

I told him that! He’s just like “well I know I said 2pm but I thought you’d make the effort to come early”.

To be fair I’ve been back from the shop since 12pm so I could have come earlier. But he said 2pm!

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 13:06

Mouswife · 30/06/2024 13:05

You should reply “I’m buying the gift you forgot to buy” then turn up at 2.

This!

countcalculia · 30/06/2024 13:05

YANBU. And you should have told him to buy the present, they’re his parents.

Mouswife · 30/06/2024 13:05

You should reply “I’m buying the gift you forgot to buy” then turn up at 2.