Who is BU, me or DH?

I mean I am autistic but if I am given a time I assume it's happening at the time given.

He sounds really rude. And I hate it when people try to use me being autistic as a excuse for their shitty behaviour

This!!

I probably would of got there for quarter too to say hello and small talk before dinner but that's it. I would of been happy at the thought of having some peace and quite while the DC we're out and I would not have rushed round at all.

Id say "dont you turn this round to be on me, when youre the one who cant say what they actually mean. Im not a fucking mind-reader. Ive been buying the gift that you forgot to get, and i was planning to arrive at the time you said"

This is my take too. Based on the wording I'd assume dinner was being served a bit later than 2pm anyway. It would feel rude to turn up much earlier than the time stated.

Essentially your DH needs to just accept that it was a miscommunication. It's really not a big deal. Getting pissy with someone because "you should have just known" is not on. He should have been clearer.

If I was autistic and he said that to me, he could fuck off!

I'd have thought that as long as I was there by 2pm, that was fine. No fucking way I'd be being sent out for an anniversary gift and then accept being moaned at for being late though! If he didn't apologise for being a dick, I'd order a McDonald's, watch a film and ignore the phone.

You haven't been rude. Rude is when you keep everyone waiting before dinner can be served. And it is a family dinner, fgs. Unless royalty has been invited ...

I would expect to turn up at least 1/2 hour earlier to a meal so I'm not expecting it to be put in front of me as I sit down

I would not expect to be spoken to the way he's speaking to you

@Itisjustmyopinion
If some say 'join us for dinner at 2pm' id go for 2pm.

If someone said food will be served at 2pm id go there a bit earlier.

I'm not a mind reader. Join us at 2pm doesn't mean the food will be ready at 2pm to me. It might be ready at 2:30 or 3:00. I was asked to be there at 2:00 it would be weird and rude to turn up earlier than the time I'd been asked to be there at.

I don't like him telling you what to do. It all sounds very formal and silly. My parents wouldn't care what time my partner turned up for dinner and I'm assuming you weren't going to get there at 2pm on the dot. He sounds like a drag.

YANBU. The "normal" people comment would piss me right off.

My response would be that you clearly already know that I am not what you call "normal". So if you expected me to be there before 2pm why didn't you say so? Oh and buy your own bloody gifts in future.

I'm not autistic and if someone told me to come at 2pm, then I'd be arriving at 2pm.

I mean, I’m not autistic and I would never be impolite but if dh asked me to arrive at 2pm I’d arrive at 2pm. I’d have assumed that they were busy doing diy until then and that I’d be in the way.

This is a confusing situation though. Generally if he said that dinner was served at 2pm I’d know to arrive earlier, but the fact that he’s helping out with a task beforehand does complicate matters. I think he should definitely have been more clear about what was happening here. I don’t think that your autism is even a factor with this really, he shouldn’t expect you to read his mind. He should explain what’s bloody happening.

If he had told me 2pm. I'd have probably turned up at about 1.55pm.

An hour earlier would have seemed rude.

He doesn't sound very nice, bossily sending you off to do wifework and then moaning that you're not a mind reader.

Are autistic people not normal? I've never considered my child not normal because of his autism.

If I told a person to join me for dinner at 2 and they rocked up at 12.30 I would probably wonder if they are NOT NT because it would be a very strange behaviour.
Your husband is an idiot and you interpreting 2pm as 2pm has nothing to do with you being ND.

Inform DH that any normal person would say what the meant and not expect the other person to be a bloody mind reader.

Normal people also adjust their speech so it can be understood by the recipient. E.g. I had a friend who was always late for everything so her arrival time was an hour before the more timely.

That is definitely a him problem. Is he on the spectrum too as my dad was like that, expected other people to know what was going on in his head as to him it was obvious! He was clear with his instructions and you followed them, how is his poor communication your fault? My father was also a narcissist with absolutely no ability to empathise, I hope that he doesn't have in common with your husband.

No....2pm is when I'd arrive too but wouldn't expect food till 2.30 or later.

I'm NT and would go for 2pm. If he'd said "come for lunch at 2pm," I'd maybe show up 1.45 or so as I'd think 2pm was lunch.

If I was telling my ASD DD to come, I'd say what I mean.

Did he actually use the word "normal"?

I am also autistic and if someone tells me to join them for a meal at 2pm I will join them for a meal at 2pm. If they told me to come when I like and food will be dished up at 2pm I would arrive before so not to be rude.

But you’re not “normal” and he knows it so he should have been clearer! Any normal , loving husband would have been clearer. If someone is deaf, you face them so they can lip read. This is exactly the same!

this is exactly how I would have interpreted it. Why the fuck do these NTs blame us for their shitty communication?

Yes. If he said “join us for dinner at 2pm”, I read that as “join us at 2pm, we will be having dinner”.
If he said “after you bought the present, come round to my parents, we will be eating at 2pm” then I’d arrive earlier before the time of eating, as the 2pm would have referred only to the eating time, not when I was expected to join them.

He's undermining you and being disingenuous. If I'm invited for 2, I turn up at 2.
Is he always an arse?