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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask this woman to stop?!

374 replies

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:25

It's really starting to bother me now but I'm annoyingly polite.

Basically I have a driveway and quite often I will put things at the end of it (within my boundaries) for passing tat men to take away.

Recently there's this woman that walks past quite often as I think she lives nearby, if there is something at the end of my driveway, she will pick it up and come knock my door. Conversation went a bit like:

Her: You left this outside
Me: Yeah, I put it out for the scrap men, it's broken/don't want it anymore
Her: ....
Me: You can have it if you want it?
Her: head tilt, confused looking at me and item no...
Me: Can you pop it back where it was then please?

She did so but she keeps doing it! Always similar variation of this conversation above. She will pick the item up (most recently, an old broken speaker) and trot up to my door to tell me I left it outside? Why? How do I explain to this woman? I'm fairly sure she's native English speaking so I don't think it's a language barrier?

Aibu?

OP posts:
porridgecake · 30/06/2024 10:47

Epicaricacy · 30/06/2024 10:01

You would if you had booked for someone to come and collect it.

Well yes. I didn't think I would have to qualify that statement, given my previous posts. The council does specify a date and time to leave things for collection, so i wouldn't leave an old mattress out any earlier than the specified date and time.
I hope that clarifies things.
Anything useful like a perfectly serviceable piece of furniture, for example, disappears within hours IME.

ItsNotInMyMind · 30/06/2024 10:45

Sadza · 30/06/2024 08:54

Who leaves stuff regularly in the drive for ‘tat’ men? What are ‘tat’ men? Do you live in a Steptoe style junkyard? How often are you leaving stuff out? If it’s collected every 24 hours surely this can’t be an ongoing problem. This post can’t be real.

Haha I thought it was just me. WTF are tat men?!

OP is turning their street into a shite hole. We use the local tip or arrange council collections of larger items. Wouldn’t occur to me to leave it out for some random scally.

Cherrysoup · 30/06/2024 10:44

Have you not said ‘You keep doing this. Why? You know why it’s there.’ I might be a little more straightforward because she’s being odd. Maybe nd, but doing it repeatedly is bloody annoying.

Blinky21 · 30/06/2024 10:43

This is commonplace on my street, on the grass verges, I think it looks awful

FTPM1980 · 30/06/2024 10:43

We have scrap man that comes round 2 or 3 times a week with a tannoy (no idea until working from home) but I have never managed to catch him and I don't leave stuff out. If we have rubbish we arrange collection or take it to the tip.

Most people leave stuff OFF their property on the road. Stuff ON property I assume the scrap man would ask first.

There are also "romanians" who come round every morning skip diving.

It is annoying and looks awful when people have a fridge or old maiden airer on the road for over a week at times.

BigFatPuddingMonster · 30/06/2024 10:42

Seeline · 30/06/2024 09:01

Here in South London you daren't leave anything in your front garden unattended for more than 5 minutes or one of the scrap men will have it!
One neighbour was gardening and popped round the back for an extra tool. On return he saw the scrap man pulling away having collected his tools.
Another neighbor had a new boiler and paid extra for the old one to be recycled. By the time the recycling company arrived, the old boiler had been taken by scrap men (space if 2 hours!).
It's a very common concept here.

Same here in my part of Brum. The plumber put the old boiler in the front garden with a view to loading it into his van and half an hour later it had gone.
When we cleared out my mom's house when she downsized, we put a load of stuff out with a view to taking a photo of it to send to the rubbish collector for a quote. Half of it had gone within an hour. I've learned my lesson now. Last summer I persuaded DH to get rid of various broken items that were cluttering up the shed and usually I'd ring the council to arrange a collection (which we have to pay for) but decided to put it all in the front garden and see what was taken before I booked a collection. It was all gone within an hour or two! Saved me some money.

Elphame · 30/06/2024 10:41

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 30/06/2024 10:05

Maybe you should ask your recycling centre to start a area for it. Or will you just leave it to someone else to think of/action?

They say there isn’t room.

Sadza · 30/06/2024 10:41

BrilloPadHairball · 30/06/2024 10:11

What’s a ‘tat man’?

I asked this and got some very condescending replies about using google and living a sheltered life. I think people don’t realise that the tat thing might not be common across the UK.

howaboutchocolate · 30/06/2024 10:40

Theseventhmagpie · 30/06/2024 10:34

This. Your attitude stinks, you clearly don’t care when the “Romanians” decide your tat is worthless and fly tip it somewhere.

How can she stop them?
Not everyone has a car big enough to drive stuff to the tip. If you arrange a council collection, they freely acknowledge that it may be taken away by someone else before the council get there. In my area the council say you have to put the items right by the edge of your boundary, by 6am on the day of collection but it may take them up to 5 days to collect. And you don't get a refund if someone else takes it away first.

CatMadam · 30/06/2024 10:40

Fargo79 · 30/06/2024 10:27

What's wrong with taking pride in where you live? You are insinuating it's some kind of Hyacinth Bucket mindset but it's really not. It's just about being grateful for what you have and where you live, having respect for the neighbours you share that space with, and taking care and pride in it. Frequently leaving piles of tat and broken rubbish at the street boundary is not respectful of the other people you're sharing the street with.

Agree to disagree

MumonabikeE5 · 30/06/2024 10:39

bigageap · 30/06/2024 08:39

Middle class fly tipping I think is the term used!

It’s on her own property.
so not fly tipping .

making these items available to scrappers means reducing landfil waste.

please can you explain more fully what the issue is.

DeersBeersPeers · 30/06/2024 10:36

We get flytippers around here and your OP is a good example of where the junk originates from. The 'tat man' isn't a professional who wants to dispose of it properly or recycle where possible. They pull off parts they can get paid for like metal or copper wires. Then they dump the rest anywhere they won't be caught and wont be charged. Someone has to clean up their flytipping. Ive also caught the 'Tat man' in my neighbour's garden taking things without permission. You really shouldn't be encouraging this way of disposing of goods. You could at least try to get these things to a charity shop or the council for recycling on a regular basis. The 'tat man' should be a last resort and you should at least acknowledge it's not a responsible option if you do choose to do it.

SoupDragon · 30/06/2024 10:34

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2024 10:26

To be fair, there's nothing neat about leaving tat at the bottom of your drive

Who is picking it up (other than her)?

The scrap men.

Theseventhmagpie · 30/06/2024 10:34

Binman · 30/06/2024 08:53

She's pissed off with you fly tipping and your arrogant attitude and is deliberately goading you. Good for her.

Just take it to the tip. You say you don't care what happens to the rubbish once it's off your drive, that is so irresponsible. The pp is correct that the rubbish still belongs to you if it is not disposed of correctly.

This. Your attitude stinks, you clearly don’t care when the “Romanians” decide your tat is worthless and fly tip it somewhere.

Bibbidybobbidyboo1 · 30/06/2024 10:33

I do this too. Things I’ve put out from memory… a shoe storage unit, a high chair, some kids gardens toys, some plastic chairs, a rug, photo frames, a radiator… I just put them outside and they get taken away within hours usually. Lots of my neighbours do. South east.

PinkiOcelot · 30/06/2024 10:31

Sadza · 30/06/2024 08:54

Who leaves stuff regularly in the drive for ‘tat’ men? What are ‘tat’ men? Do you live in a Steptoe style junkyard? How often are you leaving stuff out? If it’s collected every 24 hours surely this can’t be an ongoing problem. This post can’t be real.

How? It’s the same on my estate. You leave something in your drive or bottom of your garden and the scrap men drive past, see it, stop and put on their van. Simple.

howaboutchocolate · 30/06/2024 10:30

Whether you leave it out for a scrap man, or for an arranged council collection, or for a charity collection, it would still have to be left at the edge of your boundary for them to collect it. It makes no difference.

Everywhere I've lived people have occasionally put stuff out on their drive or walls for people to take if they want it. I don't see the big deal. People do lots of things to their drives/front gardens that other people might think are ugly, but people can do what they want if it's their own property.

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2024 10:29

Desertislandparadise · 30/06/2024 08:56

Have to say this whole thread is weird to me. Is this the norm in the UK?

Not where I live

SoupDragon · 30/06/2024 10:29

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 30/06/2024 10:05

Maybe you should ask your recycling centre to start a area for it. Or will you just leave it to someone else to think of/action?

Which bit do you think they should get rid of in order to create the space? It's a small site (I know the one 😂)

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2024 10:28

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:44

Every couple of weeks/months it's usually whenever I put something out.

So why can't you contact your local scrap merchant so it doesn't need to sit there?

I assume you can't go to the tip yourself?

Fargo79 · 30/06/2024 10:27

CatMadam · 30/06/2024 10:14

Oh no, not the tone of the road! Clutches pearls

What's wrong with taking pride in where you live? You are insinuating it's some kind of Hyacinth Bucket mindset but it's really not. It's just about being grateful for what you have and where you live, having respect for the neighbours you share that space with, and taking care and pride in it. Frequently leaving piles of tat and broken rubbish at the street boundary is not respectful of the other people you're sharing the street with.

Combattingthemoaners · 30/06/2024 10:27

DustyLee123 · 30/06/2024 08:29

Tell her that if she trespasses again you’ll call the police.

I’m sure the police have the time and resources for this kind of high profile case 🙃

Nanny0gg · 30/06/2024 10:26

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:32

I feel I put it quite neatly it's only usually one or two things like old pots and pans etc as well.

To be fair, there's nothing neat about leaving tat at the bottom of your drive

Who is picking it up (other than her)?

Conniebygaslight · 30/06/2024 10:25

autienotnaughty · 30/06/2024 08:31

She doesn't like you dumping rubbish at the bottom of your drive and she's making you aware and giving you opportunity to rectify your mistake.

You may have to be a little firmer and ask her to stop doing it

This…she doesn’t like you doing it. You’re both hoping the other one gets the message and stops 🤣🤣

KTheGrey · 30/06/2024 10:25

Seeline · 30/06/2024 09:42

You obviously don't live in the students areas! My DS has just finished 4 years studying in Bristol and he and his housemates have acquired numerous bits of furniture and a fridge from outside other houses over the years.

No, I would be a native Bristolian. And it simply has never occurred to me in my life to put things outside and leave them there. I have always taken them down the tip or paid the council to take them away. Guess I am a bit dim.