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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask this woman to stop?!

374 replies

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:25

It's really starting to bother me now but I'm annoyingly polite.

Basically I have a driveway and quite often I will put things at the end of it (within my boundaries) for passing tat men to take away.

Recently there's this woman that walks past quite often as I think she lives nearby, if there is something at the end of my driveway, she will pick it up and come knock my door. Conversation went a bit like:

Her: You left this outside
Me: Yeah, I put it out for the scrap men, it's broken/don't want it anymore
Her: ....
Me: You can have it if you want it?
Her: head tilt, confused looking at me and item no...
Me: Can you pop it back where it was then please?

She did so but she keeps doing it! Always similar variation of this conversation above. She will pick the item up (most recently, an old broken speaker) and trot up to my door to tell me I left it outside? Why? How do I explain to this woman? I'm fairly sure she's native English speaking so I don't think it's a language barrier?

Aibu?

OP posts:
19AnneMc50 · 30/06/2024 17:27

That's a bit harsh. The woman may be very lonely, suffering from dementia and not remember she's done this before. There are many reasons she's doing this and as irritating as it is its not like living in Gaza, is it. Be kind.

NiceCutRoundDomeDormice · 30/06/2024 17:24

IF you can't drive and access a tip, what is so offensive about actually organising someone licenced (including a scrap metal dealer) or getting the council to come and collect it.

Once again, what do you think happens when the council collects things? The items don’t grow wings and fly out of the house. You have to leave them outside! And if the OP did pay for council collection, this bloody madwoman would still be knocking on the door saying “You left a broken chair in your driveway!!”!

Normallynumb · 30/06/2024 17:20

As it's on your property she has no right to pick it up and knock your door
She needs to be told to " Get orf my land"
I would tape a notice to it saying
" for collection by tat man"

Ixoral · 30/06/2024 17:17

SirQuintusAureliusMaximus · 30/06/2024 17:08

Not everyone can drive or can access a tip.
Collecting scrap metal items is a welcome service & people make a living out of it. A couple of items left for a short time doesn't make the neighbourhood look untidy.

It's not 'a short time' is it? It's an uncertain amount of time. Or by the sounds of it in OPs case 'a couple of items'?

IF you can't drive and access a tip, what is so offensive about actually organising someone licenced (including a scrap metal dealer) or getting the council to come and collect it.

oh I know because it's just too much effort to pick up the phone when you can act like a scuzzy fly tipper but at the border of your property and leave it as long as it takes for some random god-knows-who passer by to take it. An unlicenced person will probably strip it for parts and themselves fly tip it somewhere.

People are disgusting in their lack of respect for the environment, the neighbourhood and safe and secure disposal.

Calm down dear 🤣

BrilloPadHairball · 30/06/2024 17:09

Miyagi99 · 30/06/2024 11:37

Also known as a rag and bone men, been in Britain for hundreds of years.

I’ve heard of rag and bone men and love watching reruns of Steptoe and Son. But this ‘tat man’ thing doesn’t sound the same. It sounds like someone leaving their shit out and not caring where it ends up, as long as it’s cleared from their property.

As others have pointed out, these ‘tat men’ take anything re-sellable then fly tip the rest. This is clearly an irresponsible way of getting rid of your old junk.

SirQuintusAureliusMaximus · 30/06/2024 17:08

Not everyone can drive or can access a tip.
Collecting scrap metal items is a welcome service & people make a living out of it. A couple of items left for a short time doesn't make the neighbourhood look untidy.

It's not 'a short time' is it? It's an uncertain amount of time. Or by the sounds of it in OPs case 'a couple of items'?

IF you can't drive and access a tip, what is so offensive about actually organising someone licenced (including a scrap metal dealer) or getting the council to come and collect it.

oh I know because it's just too much effort to pick up the phone when you can act like a scuzzy fly tipper but at the border of your property and leave it as long as it takes for some random god-knows-who passer by to take it. An unlicenced person will probably strip it for parts and themselves fly tip it somewhere.

People are disgusting in their lack of respect for the environment, the neighbourhood and safe and secure disposal.

Ixoral · 30/06/2024 16:57

Username1010 · 30/06/2024 16:27

Because you’re leaving rubbish and bringing down the tone.
Just bring your rubbish to a recycling centre like everyone else!

Not everyone can drive or can access a tip.
Collecting scrap metal items is a welcome service & people make a living out of it. A couple of items left for a short time doesn't make the neighbourhood look untidy.

Ixoral · 30/06/2024 16:34

RampantIvy · 30/06/2024 14:21

I disagree with you, and so do many others. It wouldn't occur to me to help myself to something left at the bottom of someone's drive.

I cannot understand why it is beyond your comprehension that a lot of people think like I do and just wouldn't take things from other people's property.

Just put a sign saying "Free". It isn't difficult.

We don't have a "tat man" round here, but if you want scrap metal taking away people put a post up on Facebook.

I am clearing out our loft and going to put a "free to a good home" on Facbeook later for stuff I don't want, but is in perfectly good condition.

Edited

Well I disagree with you.
We have a scrap metal collector so have left items on driveway whilst doing renovation & they were soon collected.
Not everyone uses Facebook.
It isn’t difficult to understand that different areas don’t always do things the same way.

Lifeomars · 30/06/2024 16:30

NewGreenDuck · 30/06/2024 16:26

I can't believe that people have never seen a rag and bone man or scrap man going round. It's been a feature all my life that someone comes round and collects scrap, things that can be sold on for profit. We sometimes have a chap who actually has a horse and cart collecting. Nice, cos I get to give the horse an apple!

I remember the rag and bone man from when i was tiny! I was a bit scared of the way he called out "rag and bone, rag and bone" but used to like seeing the horse clip clopping down the road. Me and my toddler sister used to stand at the front garden gate to watch him go by, haven't thought about that for years, it is a nice memory

spikeandbuffy · 30/06/2024 16:29

Username1010 · 30/06/2024 16:27

Because you’re leaving rubbish and bringing down the tone.
Just bring your rubbish to a recycling centre like everyone else!

Not everyone has a car
That's why the council offer collection but the stuff still has to be left outside whether people like it or not, it might be on view for 24hrs

My neighbours are currently wrestling a sofa outside which I know will be collected tomorrow, it would be pretty shit of me to judge them for it

RampantIvy · 30/06/2024 16:28

NewGreenDuck · 30/06/2024 16:26

I can't believe that people have never seen a rag and bone man or scrap man going round. It's been a feature all my life that someone comes round and collects scrap, things that can be sold on for profit. We sometimes have a chap who actually has a horse and cart collecting. Nice, cos I get to give the horse an apple!

We used to have a rag and bone man come down our street when I was a child. You never see them round here these days.

Username1010 · 30/06/2024 16:27

Because you’re leaving rubbish and bringing down the tone.
Just bring your rubbish to a recycling centre like everyone else!

Lifeomars · 30/06/2024 16:27

Ixoral · 30/06/2024 13:03

It isn’t left on the roadside but on OP’s own drive.
Not everyone can drive or are able to get to a tip.
People make a living out of going round collecting scrap metal/old electrical equipment.

It’s common practice in some areas to leave these items outside & they are soon gone.

I had a couple of new radiators fitted a few years ago, put the old ones outside and they were gone by the time I had made a cup of tea!. There are all sorts of rickety open backed vans driving around with scap metal and all sort of other stuff in them. I like it, I don't drive so there is no way I could access a tip so this is a mutually beneficial system.

NewGreenDuck · 30/06/2024 16:26

I can't believe that people have never seen a rag and bone man or scrap man going round. It's been a feature all my life that someone comes round and collects scrap, things that can be sold on for profit. We sometimes have a chap who actually has a horse and cart collecting. Nice, cos I get to give the horse an apple!

Shan5474 · 30/06/2024 16:23

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 30/06/2024 15:23

Wait why so many deleted posts from the OP?😅

She became a bit grumpy and started telling people to learn to read, improve their comprehension etc.

Lifeomars · 30/06/2024 16:17

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 30/06/2024 11:59

Is it just me, or is this bizarre 🤔!! What country do you live in?
You leave your unwanted/crap items on your driveway and a "tat" man removes it?
Why would anyone want a broken speaker?

You should come and have a stroll around where I live, I think you might faint! poor inner city area with heaps of fly tipping, people selling and smoki ng crack round the back the local supermarket, rubbish and litter everywhere. We do put scrap outside and it goes within minutes usually. When I do it I give it an hour and if it hasn't gone then I drag it in and arrange for the council to collect it which is a pain as you often have to wait for weeks and it costs money. I personally would not put out a lone damaged speaker as that is just dumping rubbish.

RampantIvy · 30/06/2024 16:14

I wish we had a tat man round here. I have never heard of this until I read this thread.

Having said that I live in a cul de sac off a cul de sac so we never get anyone "just passing"

Lifeomars · 30/06/2024 16:11

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 30/06/2024 08:26

Put a ‘Free to take’ sign up

This is what I always do, I parcel tape a post it note with this message:
"Free to a good home or even a bad one" I always put clean usable stuff out , never clothing as that would just get sorted through and the rejected stuff flung aside. A few years ago I put my old but still functioning vacuum cleaner out complete with a spare bag and the instruction manual (I had just upgraded to a super powerful bagless one) and this man knocked on the door to ask if he could have it and to say he was so happy as he really needed one and was broke.

spikeandbuffy · 30/06/2024 15:44

Sometimes you have to leave stuff out
I paid the council to collect some stuff but it had to be out by 6am in the morning so it went out the night before
They didn't collect it until 4pm

I wasn't wilfully dumping stuff but it said it had to be out and ready for collection, they won't hang about while you fight with bringing a mattress outside

Charlize43 · 30/06/2024 15:24

A friend of mine lives on a street in South London that sometimes looks like a favela: boxes of DVDs and CDs; bags of clothes and shoes; children's toys; furniture items; mattresses; boxes of books.; garden chairs, children's toys.. like some open air flea market... then about once a month, the council will come and clean it all off the pavement!

I don't understand why people don't take things to the charity shops, although I did pick up a quite expensive Thomas Keller cookery book one time when I was visiting, and another time a really nice antique mirror, which I've put in the garden.

Is it the done thing now, so people can help themselves?

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 30/06/2024 15:23

Wait why so many deleted posts from the OP?😅

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 30/06/2024 15:22

autienotnaughty · 30/06/2024 08:31

She doesn't like you dumping rubbish at the bottom of your drive and she's making you aware and giving you opportunity to rectify your mistake.

You may have to be a little firmer and ask her to stop doing it

Exactly this, I thought it was clear why she kept on picking up the items and giving it to you OP. You may need to make it clear that all items are left on your property and you can put them there if you like too. Especially if they’re usually gone within 24 hours

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 30/06/2024 15:16

Sadza · 30/06/2024 08:54

Who leaves stuff regularly in the drive for ‘tat’ men? What are ‘tat’ men? Do you live in a Steptoe style junkyard? How often are you leaving stuff out? If it’s collected every 24 hours surely this can’t be an ongoing problem. This post can’t be real.

Are you not in the UK? The 'tat' men are indeed scrap metal merchants - like Steptoe and Son, but in vans not horse drawn carts lol, and trawl roads very frequently for these things especially where i am, and are grateful for them.
Anything useless would be ignored so if everything OP is putting out gets taken she isn't littering her road.
Like OP, I once put a tumble dryer out, and is was gone in minutes.
Unfortunately one day DP leant some stepladders against the van to take to DMs to do some gardening, went inside the house to get his flask and they were gone by the time he returned 2 minutes later.
This neighbour just sounds like she is enjoying being an irritant and understands exactly what OP is saying.

thesummerIturnedtoredbull · 30/06/2024 15:11

godmum56 · 30/06/2024 12:03

not round here. The people I have given things to have a licence which can be checked online.

Oh really? Ok that’s good. I’m not in the UK and it’s not a thing to do where I live. To sort out rubbish is like a religion to many. We teach it at nursery. 😅

Greentapemeasure · 30/06/2024 15:05

If she knocks again say something like “oh [big sigh] it’s you again, look you really need to stop knocking on my door, I sometimes leave things out for the scrap man, if someone does leave something on my drive without me knowing I’ll find it next time I go out, now piss off”