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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask this woman to stop?!

374 replies

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:25

It's really starting to bother me now but I'm annoyingly polite.

Basically I have a driveway and quite often I will put things at the end of it (within my boundaries) for passing tat men to take away.

Recently there's this woman that walks past quite often as I think she lives nearby, if there is something at the end of my driveway, she will pick it up and come knock my door. Conversation went a bit like:

Her: You left this outside
Me: Yeah, I put it out for the scrap men, it's broken/don't want it anymore
Her: ....
Me: You can have it if you want it?
Her: head tilt, confused looking at me and item no...
Me: Can you pop it back where it was then please?

She did so but she keeps doing it! Always similar variation of this conversation above. She will pick the item up (most recently, an old broken speaker) and trot up to my door to tell me I left it outside? Why? How do I explain to this woman? I'm fairly sure she's native English speaking so I don't think it's a language barrier?

Aibu?

OP posts:
Namechanger385u4p · 30/06/2024 08:59

Although i thought it was metal only

Namechanger385u4p · 30/06/2024 08:58

Yes although not UK wide.

My mum left a dishwasher in the front garden for a scheduled collection and it was gone when he arrived, small suburban road.

Staplerandstappler · 30/06/2024 08:58

I suspect she’s trying to make a point about you leaving stuff at the end of your driveway. She probably doesn’t like it and thinks it lowers the tone.

To be fair, depending on what it is and how long it’s there, she’s probably a got a point. Not sure I’d want a fridge or a used mattress or similar stuck at the end of my neighbour’s drive. That said, their property, so I wouldn’t be raising it.

Bellaphant · 30/06/2024 08:57

People on mn are weird about stuff they don't experience: it's really common here, we got out daughter a trike from someone's drive recently. In the last few months we've had scrap men actively pursue us ( we had a dishwasher way back off the road by our garage, got asked for in leas than 24 hours, a sink we were literally putting in the car to take to the tip), and half a dozen children's trikes/cars/ push alongs that went in 3 days.

Desertislandparadise · 30/06/2024 08:56

Have to say this whole thread is weird to me. Is this the norm in the UK?

magnoliablooms · 30/06/2024 08:56

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:44

Every couple of weeks/months it's usually whenever I put something out.

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Oh my god why are you getting rid of SO MUCH stuff??? Sort yourself out

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:56

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MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:55

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deeahgwitch · 30/06/2024 08:55

We don't have a "passing tat man" to take things away for free.

I wish we did.

Misses point of thread.

Shan5474 · 30/06/2024 08:55

I’ve not heard of scrap people taking old electronics, I thought they only took metal. Maybe that’s why she’s confused? I would also put a sign “Free for parts” or “Free not working” and see if she does it again. People often leave out scrap metal, furniture or a pile of stuff they cba to take to the charity shop here and a sign, it’s a normal suburban area so I think it’s a normal thing to do

Mnetcurious · 30/06/2024 08:54

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 30/06/2024 08:50

In that case the strategy's not working, is it? which you think she'd have got by now - unless she's a MNetter and pathologically incapable of telling someone directly that something upsets her.

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Agreed, which is why the op needs to tell her that she doesn’t need to keep knocking on her door. Seems neither of them are being direct enough.

Sadza · 30/06/2024 08:54

Who leaves stuff regularly in the drive for ‘tat’ men? What are ‘tat’ men? Do you live in a Steptoe style junkyard? How often are you leaving stuff out? If it’s collected every 24 hours surely this can’t be an ongoing problem. This post can’t be real.

Binman · 30/06/2024 08:53

She's pissed off with you fly tipping and your arrogant attitude and is deliberately goading you. Good for her.

Just take it to the tip. You say you don't care what happens to the rubbish once it's off your drive, that is so irresponsible. The pp is correct that the rubbish still belongs to you if it is not disposed of correctly.

2dogsandabudgie · 30/06/2024 08:51

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:44

Every couple of weeks/months it's usually whenever I put something out.

Show quote history

That's very frequent. Washing machines and large items like that last years. Smaller items like saucepans could be donated to a charity shop.

CloverOrwell · 30/06/2024 08:51

I would leave a sign out. I know you say it’s obvious, and it probably is to most, but you want it to be obvious to this specific person who is not getting the message so I would do a sign for her benefit.

If she is trying to make a point that it’s making the street look untidy, she can’t very well bring it to the door in faux ignorance if there’s a sign as she’d look stupid!

CollyBobble · 30/06/2024 08:50

Shout at her.

PUT IT BACK. IVE TOLD YOU A DOZEN TIMES THAT THE ITEMS ON MY DRIVE ARE BEING COLLECTED BY OTHERS.

WALK ON AND DON'T KNOCK ON MY DOOR AGAIN.

IDIOT!!!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 30/06/2024 08:50

Mnetcurious · 30/06/2024 08:45

This is what I think! She thinks the random broken items left out looks messy/lowers the tone of the street so her strategy is to repeatedly tell you you’ve left the item out until you ‘get the message’ and stop doing it. If you’re not planning to stop then tell her “you don’t need to come to my door anymore to tell me I’ve left things out, I do it deliberately”.

Show quote history

In that case the strategy's not working, is it? which you think she'd have got by now - unless she's a MNetter and pathologically incapable of telling someone directly that something upsets her.

RichardsGear · 30/06/2024 08:48

I'd go with something like: "Why do you keep knocking to tell me about this? I've told you many times it's for the scrap man to take. It'll get taken so fuck off so no need to let me know about it."

bananaphon · 30/06/2024 08:45

Some people are just weird with nothing better to do. Ask her to stop next time.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 30/06/2024 08:45

MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:27

Why? It should be obvious surely? And I've told her she doesn't need to bring it to me but she continues doing so.

I would stick a free sign on it if it was usable but most often it's quite clearly broken things for tat men, lots of people on my street do it but I've only seen her being stuff to my door.

Show quote history

Obviously to everyone but her it seems. Might stop her knocking, which is what you want.

Mnetcurious · 30/06/2024 08:45

Maray1967 · 30/06/2024 08:30

Might she think the street looks messy and it’s her (clumsy) way of saying don’t leave crap out in the street/in view of the street?

I’m not saying she’s right!!
Either that - or she is not very well, mentally.

This is what I think! She thinks the random broken items left out looks messy/lowers the tone of the street so her strategy is to repeatedly tell you you’ve left the item out until you ‘get the message’ and stop doing it. If you’re not planning to stop then tell her “you don’t need to come to my door anymore to tell me I’ve left things out, I do it deliberately”.

Original poster
MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:44

MrsClownland · 30/06/2024 08:43

How often is this actually happening?

Every couple of weeks/months it's usually whenever I put something out.

OP posts:
MrsClownland · 30/06/2024 08:43

How often is this actually happening?

Original poster
MarriedMama23 · 30/06/2024 08:43

2dogsandabudgie · 30/06/2024 08:42

Do you have a local Facebook group? We have a scrap man who comes round and collects scrap metal but we let him know on there and he lets us know what day he's collecting.

How often are you leaving stuff out and is it other rubbish apart from scrap metal?

It's usually metal or old electronics. Nothing huge except for the tumble dryer I once put out.

OP posts:
2dogsandabudgie · 30/06/2024 08:42

Do you have a local Facebook group? We have a scrap man who comes round and collects scrap metal but we let him know on there and he lets us know what day he's collecting.

How often are you leaving stuff out and is it other rubbish apart from scrap metal?