Aibu to think this guy's a bum?

My friend's brother is a classic CL. Good looking, funny and attentive. Great with kids as a 'big brother'. Between the laughs, he has all the sob stories, she was cold but I didn't take a thing when she threw me out (it was all hers, you didn't buy a thing ).

I can see how emotionally bruised single mums fall for the flattery, banter and the fact that the kids think he's great. Scratch the surface and the casual work soon dries up, the 'great idea for a business' never amounts to anything. The weed smoking increases and the cheeky rogue veneer wears off. My friend says she only hears from him when he's been turfed out. He uses the family in between relationships.

I agree with the above poster who said your sister can date him but don't let him move in.

my point is more that lets say the guy in question is like Cillian Murphy's better looking younger brother, confident, kind, caring and the life and soul of the party, but can't hold down a job an utter cock lodger. And the women are peaky blinder addicts, recently separated with young kids, feeling down and lonely. What then?

Yep-he sounds like a drifter looking for accommodation. Does your sister own her own house??

In my experience' this and that' sometimes means drug dealing in a small way, or something else that is on the shady side of the law. It possibly includes undeclared cash in hand jobs. It means " don't ask me questions about it because I'm not going incriminate myself, but there are reasons I don't want to go into it."
He is probably unskilled and doesn't have much of an earning capacity. But you say he now has a council flat, so who knows if he wants to keep that, or give it up to resume cocklodging.

She can have a relationship with him but put her foot down about not living together, see how fast he looks for someone else.

Does she have kids?

Because other people have fallen into a similar trap and are offering empathy?

Even more weird about MN is all the PP saying cocklodger get rid and then admitting that they have hosted a fair few in their time. I don't have any sympathy

Yes, but since he has his own place, he has worked his way up from cocklodger to bum. Maybe she should live rent-free in his flat for a while, to even things up a bit.

But on a serious note, I have a cocklodger neighbour, he stays at home almost 24/7 (while his partner works full time) blasting out obnoxious music while getting drunk and abusive to other neighbours (but only the female ones) He's violent and abusive towards his partner.

My own personal experience with cocklodgers has been similar to what I wrote above, with varying degrees of emotional and physical abuse. Usually some sort of addiction at play. Like violent, controlling children that have never grown up, they attempt to destroy any self worth you might have, to ensure you tolerate their garbage.

An attempted cocklodger turned up with a huge stuffed pike in a glass case and a 50" screen TV. In true CL fashion, his grandparents were going to give him the deposit for a flat, but decided that now he had a girlfriend (me😖) that he could just move in with her instead. I'm really shit at saying no to people, but I was able to muster it up that time 🙂

Yep 100% cocklodger credentials. Has he moved in yet?

Yep definitely a bum. I recently met someone just like that. He's 45 and lives in his mum and step dad's converted barn rent free. He was telling me about when he was in his 20s he was living with an older woman who payed his mobile phone bill and kept giving him money but she threw him out when she found out he was messaging other women.
He doesn't have a proper job he does delevaroo now and again when he can be bothered.
I'm not convinced he's actually 45 I would say 35 and he just likes meeting older women so he can live with them, he lived with his ex.
He passed his driving test only 2 months ago and has now been caught speeding so will lose that and no more delevaroo for him! He acts like a teenager always complaining about his mum having a go at him.

Is it your sister or your friend who is seeing him? You've mentioned both.

Yeah classic cocklodger. What does she see in him? Do you have the type of relationship with your sister where you can raise your concerns?

Yep!

Yup.
Classic cocklodger.

And they tend to be nice and fun (at least at first) how the fuck else are they going to get a free ride? You've got to be charming and fun in order to get your feet under the table. It's an essential part of the scheme. Can't reveal yourself too early. That's cocklodger 101

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all to think that! My BIL is exactly the same, 30 years old, never worked and is still living with his parents. He’s moved out twice into flats of girlfriends who had children, it always baffled me what they saw in him as he essentially just becomes another person for them to look after until they chuck him out!

I guess it depends. My ex is a bit like this. He lines up another single mum before he leaves the previous. He was cute when we met (18) but over the years his looks have gone and he's gained weight. He can be funny and capable of love bombing tho.

Well yeah, but the OPs point is that he's a cocklodger. What would be the point waxing lyrical about how he tells a good joke or makes a lovely roast?

What I find funny about MN threads like this is they reduce people to one characteristic. In real life some people who do this get away with it because they are good looking, charming, pleasant, fun etc.. The people around them don't call them out as cocklodgers as they like them

As ever, the first post nails it. Cocklodger was the first word that sprang to mind reading OP's post. Parasite and leech will also do.

Without a doubt, another useless cocklodger

But your post is very judgmental. SIngle parent and social housing don't necessarily go hand in hand with benefits

Somewhere to lodge their cock.😂

Yes your poor sister has one for sure