to ask people not to control their children

It’s unusual for my kid! Once she’s had her tea she would maybe eat 1-2 then she’d be full.

I don't think it's pretty unusual for a lot of kids.

But it's very unusual for an adult to allow it.

Even the salt/fat content would be ridiculously high.

Very sensible advice for any parent whose children were miraculously born with adult levels of maturity for making rational decisions, and a clear understanding of all the consequences of their actions.

For those of us whose children don't fit that profile, a different set of tactics will be needed.

Could you maybe explain a bit more?

What do you mean about controlling tech and food?

You don't mention extremities, so it sounds as though you have a problem with sensible parenting?

Well yes, many could. Also, many wouldn’t. Pretty unusual to eat a full multipack after tea.

But still, many children could if the adult didn't stop them.

My child could eat 1-2 bags after tea, not 5!

One of my DD’s friends food is restricted & she can polish off a 5 multipack of Doritos in one sitting when she comes to play.

But so could most children if the adult in charge allowed it??

I think a lot of posters are misinterpreting. I don't think OP is referring to setting boundaries - which is healthy parenting, I think she means arbitrary rules for the sake of control, which is very damaging. I am watching this play out with food in a family I know, who I consider quite extreme with food: no snacks, no sweet treats ever, no exceptions. I once witnessed a draconian response to finding a small bag of sweets hidden in a bedroom (think grounded for a month). Their eldest is a tween now and is developing an eating disorder. This is an example of control for its own sake, it's not helping these kids to become healthy young people.

I'm very sorry you had an upbringing that hurt you. But children have to be parenting and parents have to control many aspects of a child's like. To not do so is neglect.

What are you suggesting, that kids be lied to about what is and isn't good for them?

"Oh yes honey, it's fine for you to have two or three helpings of ice cream instead of just one and then apple or carrot sticks if you're still hungry" or "Yes, please eat another packet of crisps 5 minutes before your tea comes out the oven"?

I suppose then there'll be adults saying "I have an eating disorder because mum and dad never taught me to moderate my intake of high-calorie low-nutrient food".

Tech is fine in and of itself, but the things children can access needs to be controlled and it needs to be broken up with other activities too, because it's good for children to have a variety of ways to enjoy themselves.

I'm sure you don't mean it to, but this post has a sinister undertone feel with the "don't control your child's tech access" which seems something very random and a stretch with your post supposedly about food and your ED. Very odd add on.

My parents did this too op so l try and be very relaxed, but dd just doesn't make good choices so l have to intervene sometimes

Everything in moderation.

Tech isn't going anywhere but it's OK as part of a balanced lifestyle. Same with sugar/junk food.

Children don't have the capacity to moderate this themselves so they need parental guidance and yes, control to ensure these things are part of their life in a balanced way.

I agree totally op. One of my DD’s friends food is restricted & she can polish off a 5 multipack of Doritos in one sitting when she comes to play. I can see (usually before a holiday) she gets skinny then gains weight. Yo-yo’ing all the time. She will either eat everything here or say she’s not having seeets at the minute because of xyz.

I was shown (for all
my mother’s faults) a really healthy relationship with food & was sternly told if I ever mentioned weight/diets & I have a totally ‘normal’ relationship with food. My DD sees me eat healthy but have treats & I’m never ‘on a diet’. She eats what she wants (within reason, she’s not getting a bag of haribo right before bed🤣).

But surely there has to be an element of control, it's called parenting. Most 7 year olds I know would eat chocolate ice cream and doughnuts for breakfast and live on their iPads if they didn't have someone saying they couldn't!

Some foods are treats that only happen occasionally, and it isn't safe or healthy to be glued to screens all the time, Children without fully formed impulse control shouldn't be expected to manage this without parental boundaries

The thing is, certain foods and screens are addictive. I don't tightly control either with my kids but I do have certain limits for their own wellbeing. I agree with other posters that there is a middle ground.

Also, when you say 'don't decide for them' with regards to food

Many parents can't afford to be cooking 2,3,4 different dinners for their different children.

Someone has to make the choice, and that someone will invariably be the parent.

There are many different levels of control, and many different ways that control can be served.

I was controlled as a child, but in a loving and kind way. My parents had my best interests in mind and I knew that growing up. I knew when they said I needed to save my birthday money it was because I was wanting to go on a school trip the following year.
I knew when they said we aren't buying treats on our outing today it was because we couldn't afford to do both the trip and buy extras.

My DH was also controlled by his parents. He wasn't allowed access to money but this lasted up into adulthood, all his wages had to be given to his mother. He wasn't allowed extra food but this was because his father resented feeding the children he didn't want to have. (He is now NC with his family)

We control our child, he has rules he needs to abide by. He goes to bed when we say, he showers a certain number of times, he brushes his teeth and hair, he eats mainly what we allow him too - he has some free will here.
But he's 11. If I gave him all the control he would never wash, change his clothes, only go to bed at 2am and only eat chocolate spread....so it's good to be controlled in a loving way, until we can learn the life lessons needed to do things ourselves.

This.

You are pushing blame onto your parents, when it isn't justified.

Parents are responsible for making decisions for their children

You call it control, I just think it's different styles of parenting. My philosophy is everything in moderation.
My DC had limited access to tech and junk food when they were little. DC1 is at uni and happy to cook healthy meals. Won't eat burgers, sausages or chicken nuggets.
DC2 is a typical teenager, but he actually came with me today for dog walk & a chat. His reason he felt like he needed a break from playing Xbox.
Looks like I've done something right.

I'm sorry you suffer from BED, but please don't assume it's your parents' fault!

If they prevented you from overeating as a child, or refused to give you loads of treats, then that's normal and appropriate parenting. If they starved you then that's a different matter altogether.

Why would you NOT control what tech your children have access to?

Are you suggesting we just hook them up to the internet and let them view whatever they want?