to ask people not to control their children

Hmm my 16 year old ate a pack off 4 kitkats a pack of 6 monster munch along with biscuits an sweets and anything else he could find mind he never touched a piece off fruit or veg!!! (I was working for 5 hours) Yes I will tell him/control him if you like that it's not acceptable and it's just greedy they where not all for him there are others in the house that also would like some snacks!!! Junk food has never been controlled in this house it's bought to be eaten but dont take the piss.

Within reason my autistic son is always loitering around the fridge wanting fruit. If I hide the fruit from him he'll go for a cucumber or carrot. Great he loves fruit but too much isn't good for him or his teeth. If left to eat whatever he wanted he would fill up on fruit then refuse his meals. He used to be underweight still would be if he could eat what he wanted when he wanted.

Don’t get it. I had to ask approval for whatever I wanted to watch on TV when I was a kid and we had very limited viewing hours. I wasn’t allowed to just watch what I wanted whenever I wanted. Lots of my friends had more relaxed rules than I did.

Frankly I don’t think I missed out on too much because I wasn’t allowed to watch The Dukes of Hazzard, Baywatch or Married with Childten even though my friends were. Or because I wasn’t allowed to spend my allowance on bags of sweets at the corner shop or that we only had dessert occasionally instead of whenever we asked.

TBH I don’t think it’s as simple as saying restrictive childhood experiences “cause” mental disorders. I’m sorry you have had a hard time with your disorder OP but unless you are talking about truly extreme circumstances (and your TV example is not what I’d call a truly extreme circumstance) then your plea to the forum is not going to apply to many people at all.

It is a lot easier to blame your parents for your failings, than take personal responsibility

give your child a choice and enable them to make the right decisions

How do you do that? You can do all the explaining and modelling of the right decisions, but what if they still make the 'wrong' decision?

It also depends on the child. Some are open to reason, others are stubborn and contrary.
Some things are non negotiable - wearing a seat belt, brushing teeth. I absolutely will control my child if I need to, but I consider it being a parent rather than something negative. Most children thrive on clear rules and boundaries and then feel secure to go out and make their own decisions as they get older. We learn from making mistakes, but a small child needs to have a solid base first.

I think the best thing any parent can do around food/weight and even screen time, is to set a good example themselves.

Overweight parents and parents who are constantly on their phones, are always going to come across as 'Do as I say and not as I do' to their kids.

And most kids will see that for what it is eventually - hypocrisy.

I am sorry to hear about your situation .

On the other side of this argument, my parents had no rules and let me eat what I wanted as a child and as a consequence I ended up with significant teeth issues well into adulthood. I was also severely underweight and still have issues regarding food.
So I will absolutely be setting rules and boundaries regarding food for my children, as a lack of this in my own childhood ended up being neglectful.

I think with tech we have to accept that it will continue to play a bigger & bigger part in children's lives as the years go on. In twenty years time, the amount of time children spend on tech now will look miniscule. I never limited the amount of time ds could spend on his computer or console, but he had other interests, he spent hours playing with Lego, reading & watching television, he loved grown up programmes like Time Team & Air crash investigations from being small, we also did things together like playing Wii Sports. Most of the time, if he was on the computer, he was learning & investigating things he was interested in.

I have noticed an increase of very young children refusing sweets because they are frightened of what their parents will say if they find out. That to me is quite sad.

I have also had a lot of women tell me of their desire to loose weight and what diet that there on while their young daughters were in earshot. Not great all round I would say.

What is so unbelievable about a child giving another child a bag of sweets at school?

I haven't read the thread but want to add my thoughts after reading your post. Children should never be banned from 'unhealthy' food, including sweets, cake & chocolate. Birthday parties are awash with 'unhealthy' treats. It should be about allowing children to indulge occasionally while teaching & accepting everything in moderation.

I was a child of the 70s and it was still pretty common not to have a TV.

Well I say common but what I mean is it wasn't massively unusual.

And with regards to 'making a case', most people back then didn't have the TV on all day anyway, and would only turn it on if they wanted to watch something in particular.

There were only 3 channels to watch anyway, and the radio was still very popular so far more likely to be on all day.

I think a lot of us weren't allowed unrestricted access to TV. What's wrong with that? I had to ask "can I watch x programme" and sometimes the answer was no. That's parenting.

As for food, I'm very fat, my sister isn't. My parents did their best. No parent is perfect but your post seems odd.

weird, primary school children bringing bags of sweets to school and distributing them in secret? This story makes no sense to me

It means no playdates or clubs for a month. Not stolen, given by a friend at school. And it's not about sugar, it's about control.

We never had a tv in the 70s because we couldn’t afford one. My parents controlled what I ate because we never had money. We were fed but it was a basic diet of what they could afford.

I wouldn’t have allowed my children to have unlimited tv or watch an inappropriate film or programme. I cooked healthy meals and yes treats were limited. That’s not abusive. You can’t judge every parent on here from your past. I’m wondering how many overweight, screen addicted children would be running around if their parents never had boundaries.

Tricky, i had loosened what dc have been having but realistically they have almost binged with their snacks themselves
today
Dc2 9yo has had
waffle/ice lolly/2 freeze pops/ crisps/chocolate chip cookie/2 mini muffins/2 scoops ice cream/yoghurt/ a whole galia melon ov er 2 days
Dc1 12yo has had
A doughnut/crisps/freeze pop/ice cream/lolly/ice lolly

they are clearly not regulating themselves

I wasn’t tightly controlled as a dc but also have a binge eating disorder. I guess it’s easier to blame parents than accept your own part in something.

When you say food was tightly controlled, do you mean the amount wasn't enough OP?

This is very odd, so the bag of sweets of hidden by a very young child indeed, if the oldest is now a tween. I am assuming stolen? So "grounding" for a month means what to a child of primary age?

No sugar is not going to result in an eating disorder. Sugar beet was first bred in Napoleonic times, so very few people before that had sugar, and there were no wholesale eating disorders in the population

I think the boundaries we set for our children come from the example we set. Children follow what you do, not what you say. For example, if chocolate is naughty but given as a 'special treat' surely that's a negative message, as it idealises chocolate. Obviously you wouldn't have much in the house, if any, if you didn't value it yourself.

I think it’s about allow choices within reason. So my children can choose what to watch on their iPads from programs I’ve allowed on the app. There are favourite websites saved to browse, again I’ve selected them.
With food I feel it’s important not to make it a stressful experience, enable new foods to be tried whilst severely limiting the sugar without them feeling I’m limiting it! In the holidays I put the snacks in a basket for each child in a basket for the day and they can choose what they eat when such as apple banana mini breadsticks mini cereal box that sort of thing (I’ve got one with food issues) if they eat it all the only snack is toast!

You're not a parent are you? You can't possibly be and comparing the tech available today to a TV in the 70s. There's a reason schools and child protection organisations emphasise online safety to both children and parents. That's on top of all the studies done in the past 2 decades on the importance of limited screen time and having age related limits due to neuro and eye development.

contrary to your experience I was given free rein on both and i was an overweight, shy little girl who was conscious I looked different and couldn't keep up with my friends.

I lost the weight as a teen and never ever looked back. I wish my parents had set some boundaries and hadn't left me to parent myself in that area. But they did the best they could. I love them.

Every parent needs to set boundaries which they can look themselves in the mirror for setting that come from a good place.

I'm not telling you your experience was bit valid. It is. But so is mine. I respect your right to your opinion though.

Also unusual for the other kids that come for tea.