Is there any point of losing weight?

Now I really don’t think that would be appropriate!

Ah I see! I didn’t know who she was but having googled she does look big for a British or Irish size 10.

I meant when people talk about Nicola Coughlan being a size 10.

He thinks I look fat

It seems that he is far more concerned about how she looks than her health. And if he is actually concerned there are far better ways to support her than making her feel bad about herself.

Pushing someone to change when they are not ready will not help. Op will only lose weight if she actively wants to and it seems like she is happy with herself as she is. I argue that her self esteem is far more important than her weight and he doesn’t seem to give a shit about that so I stand by what I said.

If it’s M&S it will be a U.K.10 though at OPs weight and height is hard to see how she’d fit a 10 even if sizes have got bigger (comparing with myself here). Perhaps the first thing OP should do is check her scales.

@rainbowunicorn about a decade ago some researcher came out and said BMI isn’t always related to obesity because rugby players have BMIs in the 30s and aren’t carrying a load of fat and muscle is heavier than fat. I think that paved the way for some to conveniently say BMI is bullshit.

Come on OP, tell us your bust-waist-hips measurements.
Largest-smallest-largest.

A UK 10 or a US 10 though?

I got seven dresses, I have a tummy pouch since my c section, bum and thighs and waist is heavy, but my arms and legs are not. I don’t even know what shape I would call myself, I’m literally wide in the middle of me 🫣 I do think my bones are heavy in density though, as I use to be 54kg I was just looked like bones at one point

I agree with this. I think people get a bit deluded by dress size. You could be in a size ten dress but be carrying a massive amount of weight on your legs which wouldn’t effect the dress. Nicola Coughlan apparently wears a ten but I suspect her bmi is way above the healthy mark

This whole thread has shown people are stupid. People are using a manufacturers clothing label to determine health markers

Thats how stupid people are

As far as I can see he hasn’t actually mentioned the health implications. He has however told the op that he thinks she looks fat. I also can’t seem to see anything in the op’s comments about the advice or support he has offered to help her to lose weight.

I agree that in a marriage you should be able to talk about anything, but I think you should also treat your partner with kindness and protect their self esteem as much as their health. I don’t think this man is doing that.

Except the OP sounds like she believes she's at a normal weight. So raising the topic (which is very different to "pushing" someone) makes sense to me. There's also the issue of the potential pregnancy. I think it's fair for the DH to be concerned about the health implications for his wife and his child. If he ends up repeatedly nagging then sure, that is counterproductive and possibly cruel (depending on reasoning/approach), but it shouldn't be a taboo topic imo. If you can't talk about your concerns within a marriage, that doesn't sound too promising.

Edited to add: I was living very unhealthily a decade ago but never really thought about it. Then one day I decided to check my BMI and realised I was into the obese category. It woke me up and led me to make changes. If a family member had kindly pointed out my weight gain before I reached that stage, I would have appreciated it

This whole thread has shown people are stupid. People are using a manufacturers clothing label to determine health markers

Thats how stupid people are

Pushing someone into making a change rarely works. My dh has been very overweight in the past. I have never raised the issue as I didn’t need to. He was fully aware that he was overweight but for many reasons wasn’t ready to make a change. Raising the issue would have achieved nothing except to make him feel bad.

Last year dh decided that he wanted to lose weight and be healthier. I have continued to support that without comment and he‘s now at an ideal weight. I am very proud of him but fundamentally it changes nothing. I loved him then and I still love him now.

I used to drink, probably too much at times. I’m sure dh used to worry but he never said anything (dh rarely drinks). I was fully aware of the health implications of drinking every weekend but I liked it so I carried on. I recently made the choice to stop drinking without input from anyone because I know that my health will improve without alcohol. I can almost guarantee that if dh was constantly ‘raising it as a health concern’ would have dug my heels in and continued.

People aren’t stupid, they are generally aware of the ways they could improve their health. Support will be far more beneficial than nagging to lose weight,

Pushing someone into making a change rarely works. My dh has been very overweight in the past. I have never raised the issue as I didn’t need to. He was fully aware that he was overweight but for many reasons wasn’t ready to make a change. Raising the issue would have achieved nothing except to make him feel bad.

Last year dh decided that he wanted to lose weight and be healthier. I have continued to support that without comment and he‘s now at an ideal weight. I am very proud of him but fundamentally it changes nothing. I loved him then and I still love him now.

I used to drink, probably too much at times. I’m sure dh used to worry but he never said anything (dh rarely drinks). I was fully aware of the health implications of drinking every weekend but I liked it so I carried on. I recently made the choice to stop drinking without input from anyone because I know that my health will improve without alcohol. I can almost guarantee that if dh was constantly ‘raising it as a health concern’ would have dug my heels in and continued.

People aren’t stupid, they are generally aware of the ways they could improve their health. Support will be far more beneficial than nagging to lose weight,

For goodness sake. This post just makes you look a bit dim to be honest. There is nothing to suggest anyone is pressuring the OP. She does need to lose weight as being pregnant when obese is dangerous for mother and baby.

Fair enough, but is that the only point you're picking up on?

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/265215#An-example-of-the-biggest-flaw-in-using-BMI

https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/why-you-shouldnt-rely-on-bmi-alone#:~:text=BMI%20has%20been%20criticized%20as,who%20has%20much%20less%20muscle.

BMI is useful, but it is not accurate or a valid way of telling if someone is healthy or not. Any decent doctor or nurse would say likewise. And arm-chair experts (likely the same people who are 'Russia-Ukraine' experts, or 'Middle East' experts or 'COVID-19' experts) need to stop preaching about BMI and BMR as though they are accurate. Every measure of fitness and health has its limitations.

OP may well be overweight. But if she is happy and not a drain on the NHS then that's her businesses - not ours. The fat-shamers on this thread need to get a grip as I doubt they're the pinnacle of health either.

Do you think it's completely unacceptable to worry about your OH's health? I'm assuming if OP suddenly changed in other ways (losing loads of weight, needing way more sleep, seeming depressed etc) then everyone would think it right for the DH to raise it as a health concern. But just because it's a touchy subject he should say absolutely nothing? What if she then gets diabetes or is diagnosed with a severe thyroid issue or even a brain tumor (unlikely, I know, but in rare cases can lead to weight gain)? Or there are complications in the second pregnancy that affect the child's health? I think it's perfectly reasonable to raise the issue so that then the OP can make an informed choice.

Oh, thought they had quite decent sizes - not unreasonably small!

If you are happy with your lself then tell him to fuck off. The only dead weight you need to lose is this knobber. He shouldn’t be trying to push you into changing yourself. Even if you did need to lose weight, pressuring you is hardly going to lead to success.