Is there any point of losing weight?

Btw I put on 30 kg in pregnancy (!) but lost it all again within a year and never put it back on. I don't think it's just the issue about pregnancy weight gain, losing the weight is a separate issue and needs a healthy diet and an active lifestyle.

I never had any problems with my weight even when my dc were young but it then gradually crept up and I cannot shift it and it does present all kinds of health problems. So I would say keep it down as much as you can now because it will only get harder as you age.

You’ve put on 50% of your body weight, which might be why people are concerned.

I don’t agree with them demanding you lose weight, but it does sound like quite a change.

I’m not - even when I’m very overweight I fit in an M&S size 10

Sizing was deregulated in the 1980s and there was a period of (industry admitted) vanity sizing. And we have the legacy of that in today’s clothing

The old ideas about what sizes ‘mean’ haven’t gone away, but are all-too-often attached to the headline label, not the garment measurements

What is now a 10 could easily have been a 16 before deregulation

In general, being a normal weight is good for conceiving, having a healthy pregnancy and readonably straightforward delivery (and recuperation if C section). Not a guarantee of course, and also pregnancies in overweight even obese women can go just fine. But it does seem sensible to me to try to tip the odds in your own favour

Forget about vanity. You are overweight for your height. And carrying extra weight in pregnancy will put extra strain on your joints. So it would be sensible to lose say around a stone and a half first.

Three questions.

1. Do you feel good about yourself? Bearing in mind you literally grew a human that had to be cut out of you?
2. What does your DH look like? Is he an Adonis?
3. What happens if you don't lose weight? Is your DH going to leave you for putting on weight when growing his child?

You may be trying to be kind, but telling someone they're not overweight when they are, isn't really helpful.

Please don't use a size ten at Marks as your guide to life. 50kg before was slim but not under weight and 76kg is definitely overweight, and likely to cause longer term increases in health issues. Marks 10 is 14 some places but honestly ignore shop sizes, its not a way to rate your body.

It's fine to just do what you want to do, it's not your husband's decision, but it's better to be honest about where you are and that you are quite overweight. It's normal for us all to gain weight during pregnancy but if you're already 25kg heavier than before your first perhaps your husband is concerned you'll put on the same again, which to be fair would be risky from a health perspective.

So your husband got you pregnant which made you put on some weight, is now criticising you for being fat (which you’re not) and you want to have another baby with him?

Elbow fan?!!!

Fascinating because I am the same height and weight as you and I wear 8/10. I do lift weights though, so I guess I have a lot of muscle mass.

It is absolutely worth trying to lose at least some of the weight before TTC/pregnancy OP. By BMI you are at the max of overweight boreering obese and there are health risks associated with that during pregnancy.

Also worth noting that weight loss aids fertility, so the healthier you are the more like you are to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy.

Plus remember if this is weight from baby 1, you are best losing that first rather than adding baby 2 to that weight.

However I’d probably not want another baby with a husband who speaks about my body like this in the first place!

I’m 76kg and 5ft3 - post pregnancy I carried weight completely differently (also c section) and am now in a size 16 which is often snug. I wish I carried it as well as you do - but DH has never mentioned it.

On the flip side my child is 10 now and I never lost it at all, just got slightly bigger each year since. As soon as the child was old enough that I could sleep well, perimenopause started kicking my ass.

It’s entirely possible you’ll put on more weight on top with the next pregnancy. And be even more tired. It just gets easier to not lose weight as each year goes by. I’m absolutely not having a go - just offering myself as a cautionary tale!

Apologies I just re read you are now 76 kg and were 50kg. 26kg is a lot to put on so yes to get healthy and avoid that going higher I would lose some weight.

OP is now 76kg

I agree. Obviously, he should say it nicely, but I would absolutely tell my partner that he was fat if he had gone from a healthy weight to very overweight like OP has.

Same. I’m a bit taller than OP and 7 kgs lighter and I’m definitely not a size 10 in M&S or anywhere

I don't do kilos but on conversion 50 kg is 110 lb which is less than 8 stone so I am not sure really what the fuss is about. You are hardly obese. Eating one one or two meals is not good for you so I would not do that just to lose weight. Just focus on a healthy balanced diet so you can look after your baby.

Your husband is rude to call you fat after having a baby so recently. Is he normally so shallow? If your stomach is flabby do some stomach exercises rather than focus on weight and toning them will help with future pregnancies. They take a battering.

I pay almost zero attention to BMI since it played a part in obsessive weight loss. I could see bones in my shoulders and had no weight on my face - yet because I worked out and built muscle I was only just in the healthy range (24.8). It takes zero account of muscle mass, build or bone density. Please don’t get hung up on it.

Secondly, you need to lose weight for you. Someone telling you to will not work. Only you can make yourself do it. If you want to, write a food diary for a week. Don’t change anything yet. This will help you see where the danger zones are. Literally need to write down everything (including any little picks trom other plates or the fridge). Don’t add calories until the end of the week as this will potentially change your usual behaviour.

Hmm if my DH put on half his body weight I'd probably tell him he's looking fat too. Also he's be snoring more and that would drive me mental
All thos people saying he's unreasonable would you really not say anything if your DH had put on THAT much?

I think there are three parts to this.

Your health/attitude
Your baby's health
Your DH's approach

If you feel you're 'large', lose weight if it will make you feel better about yourself.

As for the baby, yes, it probably wouldn't hurt, as you might put on even more and thrn you're risking your baby's health. Better to start from a lower position.

As for DH, I think it all depends on how he said it. If you asked him if he thought you were fat and he was like "well...........", not DH's fault. If he called you ugly and names etc, that's a whole other story. Context is key here.

Quite. I’m 70kg at 5’8” and a size 12 at best

I agree with this. Can't believe the votes.

Fwiw i "stayed fat" for 2nd baby and conceived first try at 94kg and 5"3.
i was also 40 and am an ex smoker and heavy drinker 😬😬😬
Now 86kg and hoping to get to 70kg by year end.

But i chose to do this and my dh never made a 2nd child conditional on me losing fat.

I read that BMI was also only supposed to be used to measure a population, not individuals, so in that case we shouldn’t be using it at all.

I’m almost 5’7 and my highest weight has been 74kg. I have a high bone density, so carried weight pretty well. However, 74kg was absolutely still overweight. I’d be losing weight for your own health and wellbeing. When you lose the dead weight of your DH, you want to make sure you are fit and healthy to enjoy it!