For a 26 year old to share with a two year old (sibling)

*In a sense, he potentially has/had the worst of both worlds: growing up as an only child, which can be lonely and less fun (depending on the child and their personality, naturally); BUT one benefit of being an only is that you never need to worry about having to share and your room can always be yours whenever you come back to visit (or even need to move back in), unless your parent(s) move/downsize, of course.

Also, I know there's a widespread disdain on MN for anybody hoping to inherit when the time comes, but he may well see it that what would have been his inheritance will now instead go to his dad's (presumably significantly younger) new wife; then, she might subsequently decide to leave it all to her son and he gets nothing.*

I also feel sorry for him. His dad bought the house for them and he grew up there with his dad.

Then a young woman comes along and moves into dad's house, wants to have a baby and may well want to inherit the house for the benefit of HER son.

Yes. The “we only TTC because we thought he’d gone” is new too. Probably to address the pages and pages of replies about why did you have a baby you didn’t have room for. Funny how the OP didn’t raise that point on the other thread.

Maybe she’s only just remembered 😂

You have hit the nail on the head. Op did not ‘plan’ to bring up her 2yolike this. OP reallocated DSS’ room to Ds 2 even during pregnancy! Her obsession with Dss’ room is permanent.

I made the same point. That’s what OP’s issue is hence Dp rightly advised he and op move to the lounge so ds can have their bedroom instead. Yet, he is only 2. Nothing wrong staying with op until he is 4/5 yo.

dp has understood this non-issue v clearly hence op’s multiple threads on this.

I'm against the grain and feel sorry for the 26 year old. However old my dd is I will always make sure I have a home for her if she needs it. I feel you and dp should have arranged to live in a house with enough room to accommodate both his children. Bad enough his dad has had a new baby when his first child is in their 20s. 26 may be an adult, but you never stop being a parent and it is incredibly hard for young adults these days.

Given your update that the house was originally your DP and DSS, I think that it would be a little unfair to kick your DSS out (although at 26 I would be actively encouraging him to move on with a house share or similar to gain independence). Ultimately as a Council property, perhaps the original intention was for DP to hand it over to DSS (I'm not sure if this is still allowed in your area)
In the short term, I'd get a sofa bed for either you and your DP or DSS, but to be honest in the long term I would look at getting your own property with your 2 year old. This will give you more security. If you cannot afford to rent privately, the council will probably house you and your toddler if you are 'homeless'.

He’s a 26 year old grown up, he needs to move out. Give him 12 months to sort it then DS can have their own room age 3. Help him find a house share.

Having read all this thread I still don't really see the issue with it if both the 26 year old and the 2 year old are happy.
2 year olds generally only sleep in their bedrooms - I've never met a 2 year old that plays in their room. They don't need this "personal space".
People saying that the 26 year might wake him by coming to bed. Well unless the parents go to bed at the same time as the 2 year old I assume they also have that potential issue.
Simple rule - don't wake your brother up.

He's twenty bloody six!

@Luckypinkduck so you never leave your children alone with their dad?

Poor lad! He’s 26. I loathe this infanticising of grown adults. ‘Lads’ football’ ‘Lads’ holidays’ Yuk.
At 26 he needs to make his own way or contribute sufficiently that the family can move to a 3 bed house.

From a safety point of view I would never want a toddler staying overnight with an adult male unsupervised. Yes it's a small risk but even as a half brother we know most abuse is by known adults.

How many of us spend our adult lives in our 'childhood room'? How many of us would even want to?

He can get a house share.

It's not practical to share. He is going to have a late bedtime and will wake up the 2 year old, every night. I'd ask him to get a room share somewhere else, he can't stay long term.

ive got 2bed council/ds room= entire front half of house,mines good size double,bthroom next to it.......so.....if anything Like that size a screenwall? Do you have garden? if so..may be worth build a "cabin"(grge conversion???attic???) 26 yo SURELY jump @ the "independence"? at fairly low cost (to repay build cost\contribute £'s)if ws to get arsey jusst say u n da go init he permnent night shifts wi wee bro?
You cant realistically pull bunk beds.
is HE on council wait list for own place? is it viable you tell THEM is overcrowd?dd points t very least?
is private let ruled out entirely
my kids is 14 yrs apart in age...was always trundle under bed for big bro IF required.then sofa/bed/guest bed...no wy be more than couple of nights tho.

It wouldn’t be at all appropriate for a 2 year old to share with a 26 year old sibling, no. At 2 years old he can stay with you!

I'd ask your partner to sit down with his son and go through his finances. Most people his age I know of live in house or flat shares.

DSS is a 26 year old man. The dad, OP's partner, needs to accept that and put his young child first now. FGS it would not be turning his back on his first born to do so. Put a plan in place for DSS to get a better job and move out.

I don’t know anything about council houses because I’m in California.
But what kills me is that so many people on here are suggesting the OP & her husband to do backflips & cartwheels to accommodate a 26-yr-old man who shouldn’t be living there in the first place.

They cannot share a room.

At 18 my mum said, “you’re out!! Either you live away at school or you live away and find a job. But you will be living away.”

I’d be very tempted to tell your husband that you and your son are moving out and he and his big baby can have the freaking house to themselves.

I would have lost my patience at about age 22, four years ago.

I mean at 26 he should be actively working towards moving out and building his own life not settling in with no inclination whatsoever of ever moving out.

We have no idea how long he'll be back home but it sounds like he plans to stay forever now as he doesn't have a great paid job and was struggling to manage on his own.

The OP is making an assumption here, but this is the part that I don’t understand-why would anyone assume that their parents will provide them with a home forever? A person doesn’t turn into a lifelong provider once they become a parent, they still have their own wants and needs.

I’ll always been there for my children emotionally, but a lifelong financial support? I don’t think that’s realistic assuming they’re NT.

Like it or not, I think it massively changes the dynamic when it's a step-parent who moves in after you.

In a 'traditional' set-up, mum and dad would have got the house together (whether bought or rented, it doesn't make a difference) and established it as theirs, then the children would have come along later into that situation and, eventually, moved out and let the house revert back to their parents' ownership/control.

In this case, it was his and his dad's house, and now his dad has remarried, she has moved into THEIR house - so he has less privacy and less time with his dad, but no massive differences. Now, because of his dad's remarriage, that same newcomer woman has her eyes on his room in his home that he had long before she came along, for the new baby who has only come along because she came on the scene (of course, it was his dad's choice as well).

In a sense, he potentially has/had the worst of both worlds: growing up as an only child, which can be lonely and less fun (depending on the child and their personality, naturally); BUT one benefit of being an only is that you never need to worry about having to share and your room can always be yours whenever you come back to visit (or even need to move back in), unless your parent(s) move/downsize, of course.

Also, I know there's a widespread disdain on MN for anybody hoping to inherit when the time comes, but he may well see it that what would have been his inheritance will now instead go to his dad's (presumably significantly younger) new wife; then, she might subsequently decide to leave it all to her son and he gets nothing.

Given that it’s your child and not his, the child needs to be in your room. I had my child in with me until she was 18 months as we had a 1 bed. I would have had no issue having her in longer if necessary. However, I think given he’s 26 it’s also fair to say to give SS a deadline to move out (a long one, eg. by Christmas you need to be in your own place, given the difficulty in finding rentals that aren’t stupidly pricey and in awful conditions these days)