For a 26 year old to share with a two year old (sibling)

In this climate it is unbelievably hard to just leave home. And he does pay rent.

if my parents had another child and then told me to fuck off out the house so it could have my childhood bedroom I’d be gutted!

(and yes I had my own home and was expecting my second child at 26 but I can also appreciate that there are different barriers people face when trying to build there lives…)

hes a grown man!

Put them in the same room. He’ll soon move out after a few weeks of being in the same room as a toddler

It is not appropriate for a 26 year old to share a bedroom with a 2 year old brother. To be honest it wouldn’t be ideal to share a bedroom with anyone at 26 unless its with their partner.

He is an adult and has been for many years. A lot of people his age have families of their own and he must have realised over the last 2 years that there isn't going to be room for all of you in the same house with the current set up. You need to have an honest conversation about the future. He needs to come up with a plan on how he will eventually move out and you need to set a deadline for when that needs to happen. In the meantime you either decide to keep your son in your bedroom or you convert the lounge and get a sofa bed for you and your partner. Maybe that's 6 months, maybe it's 6 years, but you honestly can't expect them to share a bunkbeds.

I would keep ds in with you until around 3, have DSS aware of that timescale, and then help him look for house shares or a small flat. If he is home because of additional needs then I'd look at you and DH sleeping on a sofa bed and DS having the bedroom once he needs his own room, but otherwise I'd support DSS to move out. Them sharing wouldn't even be an option in my opinion. Not really appropriate at all, it's a grown man and a small child.

Could you split the biggest room somehow & you & husband share the smaller room?

Why on earth is it sad to want your adult child to move out, be independent, run their own space, have their own life/relationships/social life, without parents watching over? I don’t get that at all. I know tons of people in their 20s and can’t think of any of them that live with parents. I have 1 friend who does, she’s mid 30s though.

I think a 26-year-old can sleep on the floor of his toddler brother's bedroom until he's found himself adult accommodation. Should help hurry him out of the door! Just get on with emptying out the room and decorating it for the wee one.

I know times have changed, but I was out the door just a few weeks past my 17th birthday, for good, so I find the prevalence of this behaviour astounding.

Read Spare for Harry's take on it.

Never read Spare just heard contents of that part.

He’s 26, not 6. He needs to improve his earning potential and get on with being a fully functioning adult able to put a roof over his own head.

@Hello432

Thanks for clearing up the mystery about why Harry prefers to sleep in a hotel on his flying visits rather than the Clarence House sofas. I must admit I am a bit surprised as when I visited CH, admittedly only the gardens, I got the impression they had more than two bedrooms!🙂

The older son is an adult and is entitled to his privacy and dignity which includes not having his dad's partner walk into his bedroom in the night to see to a toddler, he could be butt naked which is also not appropriate for toddler to see. (Or doing something else that single men likely do in the privacy of their room for that matter)

He may also be classed as unsupervised if there's unfriendly for toddler things in the room like choking hazards or sharp objects etc and dss doesn't agree to be responsible for him.

From my understanding the OP moved into her stepsons family home! He was living there when the little one arrived - not ideal obviously but OP hasn’t given him a home at all - she’s moved into his home.

This is completely mad. A man pushing 30 can’t just unilaterally decide to move home and to stay there permanently. He could have his own 2-year-old by now without even being a particularly young father!
I agree with PPs that he needs to start looking for a flat share.

You clearly didn't understand my Q. I am sure Op understood it.

Her 'plan' to ttc and having her child (ds age 2)....

It is clear OP was happy to have 1 child (she calls him her son), so her son can take over someone's else room (DSS) in what is clearly DSS's home.

I will bet you my bottom dollar, OP never had another plan to try for a second child (Ds age 2's full sibling), as she has already reallocated DSS's room to her one child (Ds age 2) and wouldn't want her one child inconvenienced by a 2nd child. Unless maybe if she could be guaranteed same sex child - another son.

You understand now? That OP's plan and intention was to reallocate DS's room to her one child which she had no plan to do to her own child by having another child of hers.

If not, I cannot help you.

Ideally yes DSS would move out but you need a solution.

What space/rooms are there? Could you draw a floor plan? Some people are very creative on here.

Why can you only exchange with the council? You’re overcrowded so you can just go on the list to bid for different properties?

Tell DS that if he wants to live there then he will be sharing with the toddler. So no girl or boyfriends staying over, no late night gaming, playing music, staying up all hours.

Plus he needs to contribute to utilities/ food. Maybe hold back on charging rent for a few months so he has a chance to build up a deposit for his own place.

I find all the 'kick him out, he's 26' posts really sad.

It's so so difficult to get affordable housing right now. Over my dead body would I kick any of my dc out of their home, whether they were 16 or 36. They will all have a home with us for as long as they want or need, even if I had to sleep on the sofa to make that happen.

It's worth pointing out that this has been the dss's home for longer than the op's. He moved out for a very short period and it's hardly his fault that his dad and Stepmum decided to get pregnant in that timescale.

Surely you can look for a swap op and contact HA's and the Council to at least enquire about the possibility of a 3 bed?

She’s only got one child.

DSS moved out at 23. OP got pregnant and had her DS.

DSS moved back and now DS is 2 and DSS is 26.

It's very clear that a 2 bed flat cannot accommodate 3 adults and a child and it's a bit self-centred of DSS to not realise that for himself. He is approaching 30 and you've provided him a home for long enough. He needs to find his own place and stand on his own two feet.

Lots of 20 something year olds still live at home. Lots more get monetary help off parents for deposits to help them move out. Let's not pretend that in 2024 it is an unusual situation that the OP is facing. Its perfectly normal for the OPs dh to want to help his son however he can and its perfectly normal for that to mean someone in their 20s still lives at home.

He's an adult but he needs to accept sharing a room if he's back home. And contribute to bills, and do cleaning and cooking. It's not intended as a punishment, but it may nonetheless encourage him to get himself together and nail a job and a place.

Out of the living room and 2 bedrooms, which is the largest and easiest to split - even if the split makes 2 small spaces?

Are either of the rooms big enough to split? If one is that would be the option I’d choose even if it makes two tiny single rooms. Do the council know he’s back and therefore you’re over crowded? Over 18s aren’t meant to share, is he on the waiting list for a flat? It obviously depends on where you live but that would be the other option. A 26 year old and a 2 year old can’t share.