Being punished for break up

I’m with you as well. If dh and I split I know my sil would still invite me to get together with family. Even if dh had a girlfriend she wouldn’t give a second thought to me being family.

So many posters on mumsnet have really sad lives it seems. I know you’ve taken some comments on board but don’t drown yourself in such a negative outlook. So many separated families who co parent should look at keeping a family unit with the in-laws.

I guess I just still love them all no matter the circumstances.

This struck me and says a lot about you. I hope you manage to say this to your ex MIL and others sometime, I'm sure she will find it very moving.

I wish I had thought to say this to my late MIL before it was too late. Sadly the SILs don't speak to me now (apart from one) - because they fell out with my ex over the death of MIL and I ended up an innocent caught in the crossfire.

OP also consider its probably them setting out how they want it to be going forward as 3 years is a long time now for the dust to have somewhat settled from breakup. They may have gone along with u coming before just to keep the peace etc as it was all new but new house ,new beginning and new expectations are being set which is a good thing.

I think it's great that this thread has caused you to rethink the current arrangements in your relationship with your ex.

But this post confuses me. What do you mean about watching the family "fall in love" with your son? That indicates that he has had little contact with his father's family. Is that the case? If so, why? Do they all live very far away from you or something of that nature?

F

She isn't your mother in law she's your ex mother in law and he's your ex husband not your husband. They are your sons family but not your family so they will invite your son but not you because you aren't part of that family anymore. But that's all perfectly normal and nothing to get upset about. They aren't being mean they are just doing what most people would do. So it's not personal and you don't need to feel upset.

I think the notion that when parents separate, they are no longer “family” is a cultural one rather than based in fact- you are still a family to your child, and I think it’s admirable to try to maintain this link and in the best interests of the child.

imagine if we lived in a world where people were able to respect and honour the child’s family. if people could actually support separated parents to make this work, and help them over the inevitable hurdles.

because for your son to be told explicitly or implicitly - this is a family occasion therefor your mother is not here- , what sort of message does that give him? You’re an outsider, he’s half an outsider.

People are generally too stuck in their ideas about what is to consider this- I’m with you on your original post.

clearly your sons grandmother did not mean to be hurtful towards you, but I don’t think you did anything wrong whatsoever. Hold your head up high babe

The door closes and doors go both ways. Maybe it's time for a bit of distance. You're too emeshed in your old life.

If you wanted to give it a go because you were both still in love you would be back together.

The relationship has stayed how it is out of convenience and some misguided ideals.

If you don’t romantic my love him it would be a disaster. Especially for your child. Too confusing.

My mum and dad divorced but stayed the best of friends

hiwever I couldn’t ever imagine my mum expecting to go over me dads for a party

i I mean come on!

however due to how well my parents got in I had no issue whatsoever with their divorce

just think how good it is for your son.

A good parent wouldn't stop their child attending an event the other parents family held.
I think it's weird you want to go. You split up 3 years ago. You instigated it because the other parent has not supportive according to you. Move on. The lasagne thing is even weirder -they were likely being polite.

I think it's great that you are now going to maybe have more boundaries. It's helpful you get a long that will make it easier moving forward with your own lives whole parenting in a more healthy way. Don't be hard on yourself. If the worst thing from the breakdown was you were too friendly and attached that is pretty good!

Honestly Op, better boundaries is the ways and you won’t get these hurt feelings you experienced.

My son is autistic. I am a single parent household though I have a partner who doesn’t live here. And was single for quite a while. I was always the main carer. So I get it.

I get the attraction of lots of the benefits of being in a relationship and not living together. But it’s different when it’s a new partner and never lived together rather than a long relationship that’s split up.

It’s good you are realising that things have to change. The marriage is over. But you can establish a new relationship that’s actually comparing. Not this limbo.

and honestly, it’s going to be more confusing for your son if his father meets someone new and then it all changes. Or if you unexpectedly meet someone.

Make sure you or your ex check there is no pond.

Small children and ponds and people looking after them who aren't aware of ponds/don't know how small kids just take off, can be disastrous.

I think she meant it but her actions aren't matching. I'll be moving hours away so it will become irrelevant.

Agreed. They are not your family. Honestly it's perfectly normal the host has said no. I understand you and your ex are doing great as ex's. That's wonderful for your child. But that does not mean any of is family want you there.