Being punished for break up

If you're not part of the family and you attend when you shouldn't, you're the elephant in the room.

Bless you, I’ve just read through some of your responses to your original question …
I just wanted to add for some perspective from the other side, when i first met my partner he and his ex had a very similar relationship to you and yours… it was so confusing when he would tell me that he was meeting his ex and son to go out for dinner I genuinely thought that there was more to it… also family occasions she would always be around him and his family… it made me feel really crappy I had in my head that his family wouldn’t like me because I wasn’t her and they all seemed to do so much to keep her in their lives… I did find it really odd to be honest…
its nice that you have a close relationship but are you stopping each other from moving on?

‘My initial reaction was to not allow my son to go without me but I don’t want him to miss out.’

Well done for resisting the urge to use your child as a weapon…wow 😳

Everyone would be gossiping about your presence?? What on earth? Doesn't happen with us.

Today I asked if I could go to the family gathering

You are no longer part of the family; you are now his ex-wife and are only seen as the mother of his child.

Additionally, being there isn't healthy for you. Can't you see how awkward it would be? Everyone would be gossiping about your presence.

They’re not divorced.

YABU she never said you weren't welcome she said it wasn't her call for one. Ask Trish not her. Secondly even if you aren't why do you well entitled to be allowed to go. This is your ex's family and whether you get on or.not it's up to them who go to their events.

It can depend. I went to my ex-SILs wedding. Ex has come to visit my DB and DSIL. It works well for us.

Family is many different things. But apparently your son and his father don't belong to one who is inclusive. I don't think you were wrong for asking but apparently they have removed you completely. Remember that because there will come the time where they will ask for inclusion.

This. The dynamics change regardless of how well you co parent. It’s a painful fact to learn, as I found out myself, but you are no longer part of their family and therefore it would be very odd if you went along.

That is so. But the events that ex-in-laws go to tend to be ones about the DCs. For example, both my ex, my late DH, my SS, and my DD all went to a grandchild's christening, as did my SD - all invited by DS and his DP. But I would not expect to go to a party with my ex's family if it was not to do with his and my DCs or DGC.

I don't invite my ex to my family gatherings and I am not invited to his family's events either. I am not part of his family, he is not part of mine. What made you think you would be invited?

I think you are being unreasonable and it’s a bit weird that you asked to be honest, you have no right and why would you. You need to create your own memories with your DS. I think you had a very nice and polite text from your MIL.

YABU I’m afraid. It’s amazing that you and your ex get along and are able to co parent well for the sake of your child. However you can’t expect to still be invited to family events.

Maybe the father of your child has a new ‘friend’ and wants them to come along. To save you being upset and possibly ruining things for the party that haven’t invited you. It’s ok not to be invited, your son will enjoy himself and you can treat yourself with peace and quiet. X

Sorry but you no longer family! Plus in future a new partner wouid be going to gatherings leaving you in the cold anyway. I agree with other's it was peculiar to expect to go.

I suppose that is the difference with us. Me and ex have moved on. I have a new partner. Ex knows we are not getting back together and is fine with that. He gets on well with my partner too!

Bless you! You sound really lovely. Don’t worry about having tried to get an invitation when perhaps it would have been better not to have done so. These things happen and it’s probably all forgotten about by now.
It sounds as though your ex in-laws think you are lovely too, so I’d be happy with
that if I were you.

She is the mother of their grandchild and always will be.

There are lots of families who don't cut ties because of a divorce.

Are you separated or divorced?

I think some families would have been generous and invited you too.

I know families where the parents of a child mix freely with their respective new spouses and even have holidays together.

I also know families where parents keep in touch with their 'ex' daughters in law or sons in law.

Whoever 'walked away' is meaningless.

The fact you both co-parent successfully means your divorce hasn't changed that.

Sorry.

Double posting for some reason....

Yabu. I'm shocked you think you be invited. You not family. You were rude to ask. Let your DS go with his dad and you have some time yourself

But does it feel right?

Does it feel right when you know he is confused about the relationship? But carry on regardless?

Does it feel right when you assume you are to be included and you aren't?

You are both family to your son. That will never change. But you decided to end the relationship with your husband. That changes the whole dynamic. And there's lots of other people who impact that dynamic.

Healthy families have boundaries. And it's not a problem. You can still have a great relationship with ex AND have boundries

And as you can see it's creating issues. You felt it was appropriate to be invited. His family didn't. That didn't feel right to you, to the point you thought about making your son miss out. Did that feel right?

If you have got to the point you are considering stopping your son doing things because people won't treat you as though you are still together, it's not really going so well.