DH caught cheating 2x and on dating site.

Firstly op, you’ve done nothing wrong here. You’ve offered further chances in good faith and he has let you down. That is on him, not you.
Secondly. I know this all feels massively overwhelming so can I suggest you take it small step by small step?
Step 1. Private STI test for you. Frankly, I couldn’t care less if his dick rots and fall off but let’s make sure you are clear. Don’t have him near you again. No is a complete sentence.
Step 2. Find a shit hot lawyer
Step 3. Make an appointment with said shit hot lawyer
Step 4. Take the advice of the lawyer and break it down into manageable sections. So, one day you get together your bank statements, the next, your pension details etc etc
And so on and so on. A very wise man once told me that the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. Break this shit down into bite sized chunks and do one every day. Before you know it, you’ve gone further than you ever thought possible.
You CAN do this op, I’m cheering you on xxxx

OP he has not been caught cheating 3 times.

He's had 3 affairs. At least one of 6 months duration.

There is nothing to salvage here bar your dignity and self-worth.

He's a serial cheater who (I'm sorry to say) cares not a jot for you.

I hope you start divorce proceedings. This must be draining the life out of you.

Get yourself an sti check and stop having sex of any kind with him. I've been where you are, OP, only it was 4 women, one of whom turned out to be a prostitute. That was almost 40 years ago and I still get nauseous when I think about it. PTSD is real.

Please leave. I did and have been enjoying a decades-long happy marriage ever since. You can do this, OP.

The process will be difficult but you'll be happier in the end.

It sounds as though the thought of leaving him might not be causing you difficulties as much as the implications? Divorce is incredibly costly not just financially but also relationally, it sounds as though your husband has worked hard on getting your children and no doubt others, to advocate on his behalf. I am wondering how come he has so much power in the situation? When weighing things up how is that the emotional and psychological costs of his disrespect and disregard for you are seen as tolerable in terms of what it is that will be impacted by separation? Do others in the family think it is down to you to continue? or do they also think his conduct is unacceptable?

I think the arrogance displayed in reducing the health risks his actions pose. to a game of one upmanship is very telling. It is almost as if he is playing trumps with you - your move my move style. By his logic, your failure to discover the affair in advance of him ending the relationship, renders any response that places responsibility and accountability with him - null and void. Hence he wont have an STD test because it would mean he had done something wrong. I wonder if this has been an ongoing dynamic in the relationship and if so how much ground have you had to give to stay with this person?

I'm not really one for the labels, but some people find them very helpful. It sounds like you are dealing with someone who places all his efforts in dominating others - if this is true, what might be causing you difficulties in leaving, is it the likely vindicative unpleasantness this type of person will meet out in his retaliation for non-compliance? If it is this, then that is what you need to prepare for rather than questioning your entitlement to respond with a decision not to continue.

If you're not leaving after 3 affairs, I think you should protect your sexual health by way of condoms or abstinence and let your husband cheat in peace.

That's likely the best closure available to you while you stay.

This. Think of the lesson you are teaching your kids

Try to keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel, he will probably start begging again and saying all the right things when you say you are done, making promises etc.
But you need to stay strong now and enjoy the happiness you deserve later x

No sympathy? WTF?! There are many reasons why women stay in this situation, especially when they have children to consider. They all deserve sympathy, good advice and support to navigate the frightening and complex process of leaving. If you can't do that, why bother posting at all?

Forget the PT, spend it on a SHL. Money well spent IMO

Caught cheating 3 times and your still there with him.
Sorry op you only got yourself to blame for staying hes not gonna change.

Cheat back on him
Film it
Show him it

Then Leave him

Honestly I think you need some self respect and end the marriage. You should have done that the first time. Stop doing this to yourself because at this point that is what you are doing by choosing to stay.

I wouldn’t worry about STI testing for him as I wouldn’t be having sex with him as the divorce would be going through. Get yourself tested. He’ll keep cheating and won’t test as he knows you’ll just take him back, leave.

YABU by not divorcing him. He has no respect for you or your marriage.

Literally the only advice I would give you is to get rid of him.

Shit Husband Bingo
Start laying down some rules.
Start divorce proceedings.
LTB.
Stop doing the pick me dance.
Get your ducks in a row.
Engage a SHL.

Good for you for starting to seperate, it's not easy and it's normal to take a while.

Take back control. It's the best feeling in the world:

Get your own STI test and never let him touch you again.

No point in mariage counseling. Get your own therapist and talk this over with them. Good luck!

You have one life, it's precious.
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