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AIBU?

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Original poster

Upset we weren't invited to the wedding

258 replies

Daisypod · 29/06/2024 15:31

My step sister is getting married in august, the invites went out a few weeks ago and it's become clear me and dh aren't invited. I asked my mum about this and she confirmed it, said she had asked my step dad about it and he just said he didn't want to get involved.
Mum and him got together when the kids were older teens/young adults so step siblings have never lived together but we've always got on. We all live in different cities and even countries but we have get togethers at Christmas etc
The wedding is abroad and child free (we have a few kids) but one of the other step siblings got married last year and it was child free and we went and had a lovely time, we had zero problem with this.
It's become clear also that it is going to be a very 'instagramable' wedding and we just don't fit in, all their friends are glamorous and we are homely and overweight.
They have invited family of parents, step parents, full siblings and their partners and about 40 friends according to my mum but we haven't made the cut.
I know the usual mn attitude is people can invite who they want to their wedding but Aibu to feel sad and angry at not being invited?

OP posts:
Icantrememberit · 30/06/2024 17:49

Honestly, just think of the money you’ll be saving. No accommodation fees for a holiday that can’t be yours. No forking out for a present/ money. She’s actually done you a favour for the future too. No need to feel obligated to invite or consider her in the future. YANBU. Win/ win

Pelsall116 · 30/06/2024 17:36

Well at least it saves you the cost of a present and a card

sowhen · 30/06/2024 11:56

Is your mum contributing to the cost of this wedding, OP?

Boxina · 30/06/2024 11:38

Daisypod · 29/06/2024 16:01

My mum has to go to the wedding as if she didn't it would be seen as a massive snub ironically. We go away together at other times though.
People are probably right they just don't like us, that feels really sad as we've been in each others lives for 20 years and now feels like it was all a show, I actually like my step siblings 😞

She doesn't. Just in the same way your stepdad has decided he doesn't have to speak to his daughter about excluding you.

In these circumstances I would expect my mum to insist that something was said.

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 30/06/2024 11:25

JudgeJ · 30/06/2024 09:47

A cheap and nasty card would be making a point though!

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Well if you feel you have to give them a card for any given event @Daisypod may I recommend this one.....?

Upset we weren't invited to the wedding
JudgeJ · 30/06/2024 09:47

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 29/06/2024 21:57

Not even a card. No invitation shows they DGAF about the OP. Why should she give them a card?

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A cheap and nasty card would be making a point though!

TheTartfulLodger · 30/06/2024 07:02

Daisypod · 29/06/2024 18:28

One of the reasons I said about the aesthetics is there is a very strict dress code for colours being allowed to wear.
I know I should really ask outright but quite frankly I don't want to hear the rejection in person.
Thank you everyone I shall move on, concentrate on my family and put it down to me feeling the relationship was more than it actually is.

Not wanting to hear the rejection in person doesn't mean you can't let them know how much their rejection hurts you then reject them back by cutting ties with then yourself.

NoDoormat · 30/06/2024 05:34

rubyroola · 29/06/2024 21:11

Are you the step sister

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This kind of response is so tedious.

mommatoone · 30/06/2024 00:02

Testina · 29/06/2024 21:47

You’ve never lived with them, you were even married by the time you met them.
I appreciate that you see her as family, but from another perspective… I wouldn’t see them as family, but as “my dad’s wife’s daughter”. And I’m a stepmother myself. I think my adult stepdaughters would only use that term because it’s more quickly understood than “dad’s wife not my mum”.

I think it would be obvious to cause ructions and hurt though - so for a reasonably sized wedding, she’s really hurtful and rude.

But I do wonder how often you see and speak to each other directly? So not Christmas arranged by parents, or in a group chat. Do you actually have a direct relationship with each other?

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Have you not RTFT ? Please see OPs comment at 17:02 if you don't believe her 🙄

sixpiacksally · 29/06/2024 23:36

Anxioustealady · 29/06/2024 21:13

No lol

I just feel bad for her. Everyone here is being horrible about her and she's not done anything wrong. It's her wedding, she doesn't have to invite everyone.

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Regardless of the rights/wrongs of the invite. So many people being horrible about her due to the Instagram, saying that her marriage won't last a year etc etc.
OP supporters really aren't covering themselves in glory.

saraclara · 29/06/2024 23:20

EatTheGnome · 29/06/2024 23:09

I'd also escalate the situation by unfriending her or something. When she tells her bio family they can side woth her and it'll be awkward forevermore and it will all he her fault. Let your stepdad and mum feel some of the heat.

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Jesus wept.

EatTheGnome · 29/06/2024 23:09

countcalculia · 29/06/2024 20:18

They can invite who they want but they would be dead to me from now on.

No birthday cards or texts, no happy Christmas cards, no presents, no visits, no asking after their health, nothing.

If they’re at your parents then be polite but make zero effort.

And your step-dad is a twat too for not getting involved.

I'd also escalate the situation by unfriending her or something. When she tells her bio family they can side woth her and it'll be awkward forevermore and it will all he her fault. Let your stepdad and mum feel some of the heat.

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 29/06/2024 21:57

JudgeJ · 29/06/2024 21:41

No card, no gift would be my take on this, maybe I would stretch to a card from the Card Factory.

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Not even a card. No invitation shows they DGAF about the OP. Why should she give them a card?

Testina · 29/06/2024 21:47

Daisypod · 29/06/2024 17:28

Yes @pizzaHeart that's it. I'm very family oriented and I would always put family first as to me they are the people who you should be able to rely on and I hope my family (step, in-laws or full) know that I will always be there for them.

You’ve never lived with them, you were even married by the time you met them.
I appreciate that you see her as family, but from another perspective… I wouldn’t see them as family, but as “my dad’s wife’s daughter”. And I’m a stepmother myself. I think my adult stepdaughters would only use that term because it’s more quickly understood than “dad’s wife not my mum”.

I think it would be obvious to cause ructions and hurt though - so for a reasonably sized wedding, she’s really hurtful and rude.

But I do wonder how often you see and speak to each other directly? So not Christmas arranged by parents, or in a group chat. Do you actually have a direct relationship with each other?

JudgeJ · 29/06/2024 21:41

deeahgwitch · 29/06/2024 18:23

This.
Or
Take Michelle Obama's advice - "When they go low, you go high." or words to that effect and send them a card and a small gift.
They'll squirm. Smile

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No card, no gift would be my take on this, maybe I would stretch to a card from the Card Factory.

ForGreyKoala · 29/06/2024 21:35

YANBU. I would feel inclined to book a holiday at the same place, at the same time, and flaunt myself in front of her if I could!

Seriously, she's shown how she feels, so cut contact with her as much as possible, and if you need to be at the same functions just ignore her.

Anxioustealady · 29/06/2024 21:29

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 29/06/2024 21:23

I wondered that too @rubyroola Wink

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🙄

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 29/06/2024 21:23

rubyroola · 29/06/2024 21:11

Are you the step sister

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I wondered that too @rubyroola Wink

Anxioustealady · 29/06/2024 21:13

rubyroola · 29/06/2024 21:11

Are you the step sister

Show quote history

No lol

I just feel bad for her. Everyone here is being horrible about her and she's not done anything wrong. It's her wedding, she doesn't have to invite everyone.

rubyroola · 29/06/2024 21:11

Anxioustealady · 29/06/2024 20:24

I can't believe all these responses calling OP's step sister a bitch and other nasty comments just based on an inkling.

She's never said it's related to how you look, she simply hasn't invited you.

I'm getting married soon and I haven't invited my step siblings (who I think are fine, but I never speak to outside family occasions), partly because I'm just not that close to them, but also because when you add +1's thats 13 people.

And yes, I'm inviting friends, who I've actually chosen, rather than people who are children of people my parents have married.

You're not entitled to an invite just because you're related, and if my stepdad has a problem with this, or tries to "confront me", I would tell him he doesn't have to attend either.

It sounds like you don't actually like her very much if you're so happy for random people to insult her and call her a bitch.

Are you the step sister

rubyroola · 29/06/2024 21:09

YANBU

DoreenonTill8 · 29/06/2024 21:08

@Daisypod why do you want to be at wedding? You're derisory about the bride and groom, their friends, their lifestyle, why would you want to?

DoreenonTill8 · 29/06/2024 21:00

Anxioustealady · 29/06/2024 20:24

I can't believe all these responses calling OP's step sister a bitch and other nasty comments just based on an inkling.

She's never said it's related to how you look, she simply hasn't invited you.

I'm getting married soon and I haven't invited my step siblings (who I think are fine, but I never speak to outside family occasions), partly because I'm just not that close to them, but also because when you add +1's thats 13 people.

And yes, I'm inviting friends, who I've actually chosen, rather than people who are children of people my parents have married.

You're not entitled to an invite just because you're related, and if my stepdad has a problem with this, or tries to "confront me", I would tell him he doesn't have to attend either.

It sounds like you don't actually like her very much if you're so happy for random people to insult her and call her a bitch.

This basically

Mouswife · 29/06/2024 20:58

They are nasty. Cut them off and block them. Move on OP and have a nice holiday with your kids.

HughsMermaid · 29/06/2024 20:54

Something like this happened to me, a very close family member (sister). I was pregnant and wouldn't have been able to travel abroad for the wedding as my due date coincided but I didn't receive an invite and nothing was said. I was so hurt.

As Mel Robbins says: Let them.