Upset we weren't invited to the wedding

YANBU, at all.

Their behaviour is extremely hurtful. As others have said, no need to make any effort with them from here on.

You are definitely not unreasonable to feel hurt and upset, but keep your dignity while remembering this snub in the future when it comes to your stepsister and give no invites to any family events, show zero interest in details of the wedding or photographs and like others have suggested-use the money that it would have cost you to attend this wedding and buy a gift, to treat your own family unit to a nice holiday or something lovely for the home you can enjoy at the time of the wedding which will help stop you being too sad on the day. They've not been thoughtful towards you, so try not to give them a thought ever in the future. Hugs though as it really hurts being left out I know xx

A strict dress code regarding colours allowed to be worn to the wedding. If I was invited to a wedding like this I would politely refuse. Why on earth are you upset. The whole thing seems laughable. I'm sorry you are having to be involved with people like this. Stay amicable, keep the peace but in all honesty you are not missing out on anything here. I'd feel sorry for them. Hold your head high, your better than this.

It's a bit of a crap way to find out they don't really like you as much as you thought...

But all this vicious 'sad, fake, plastic, etc etc'...

They don't have to like you. They didn't choose to be your step sibling. You only know them because their parent married yours.

Whats fake or plastic about someone simply not liking someone else. We can't all like everyone!

Now you know, you also don't have to invite them to your stuff, you don't have to send presents etc. Follow their lead!

My step-sister did this to me and siblings years ago, i decided that she did me a favour
Because for past 12 years, I have not felt obligated to invite her to anything.
She said, “it’s not YOU, …” she didn’t want to invite one of my brothers. So effing rude. And we aren’t even ugly!!

So, I guess full-blood is thicker than step-blood, we all cut her & her mum out of our lives and family things so much more chill. (Dad died shortly after her wedding didn’t need to deal w him )
I do wonder what her husband thinks. I bumped into him after, & he didn’t seem to know that we weren’t invited, he thought we all had a conflict and couldn’t attend.(He is from another country & language, maybe easy for her fool him).

she is unhinged.

We were invited to our sons wedding but they did not invite granddad or brother or sister but all the brides family were invited the excuse was only people who had done things for them.

It's a massive snub alright

I would be pleased that you're now off the hook for any future obligations like birthday or xmas gifts now that you're not in the top 40 people

I wouldn’t be too hurt by this since it’s a small wedding. Plus, you don’t know if she limited family her side to exclude step-relatives to avoid inviting someone on his side. Also not everyone views step-relatives as on the same “family” level as blood relatives.

I preferred bridge😂😂 I had visions of guests standing on a rustic bridge over gushing stream and blowing bubbles over it! It was quite romantic looking 😂😂

YANBU! Some people are unbelievable.

If it were me, I wouldn't mention it again, wouldn't call her, wouldn't send a gift or card, wouldn't get Christmas gifts or cards if you see each other over Christmas, would no longer ask her about her life if you are both at a family event. I'd dial it back to chats about the weather, if no way to avoid seeing her.

As for the time / money you set aside, invest it in doing something nice, as others have said, with positive people in your life who are worth building a relationship with. Pearls before swine, and all of that.

Fwiw, I also think your step dad should have had a word with his daughter before now (my parents certainly would have done, if I'd been so rude and unpleasant). But the damage is done now, so I suppose it's not worth dwelling on.

I’d treat step sister accordingly.

I know how hurtful this is OP. Not the same, but I had a post on here a while ago as my dad was getting married and even though they were taking his partner’s son and girlfriend, and invited their best friends, we weren’t invited. I’m his only child.

Actions like this hurt. No matter what the explanation or excuse, the fact is you’ve been told in clear terms that you don’t matter and others are more important to them.

It’s hurtful, but see it for what it is, and step back. Whether or not you share why or you do it quietly and they don’t notice, it will be painful, but time will make it easier. I am so sorry you feel so hurt. It’s hateful and they don’t deserve you in their camp, no matter what their motives.

Sending love, focus on your tribe and have fun spending the money you’d put to the side. They don’t merit a gift or a second thought x

Either no gift or the craziest gift you can find. Or
https://www.sendshit.co.uk/

Instagramy. Enough said.

I would not be sad, though your step-father should talk to his DD and point out how rude this is - cowardly not to, but probably shows the sort of woman your SDS really is, someone who has no care for family but only for outward show.
They are shallow, with their instagrammable wedding and show-off friends. You are real. Ignore them, have a nice holiday somewhere else and cross them off your Christmas card list (also do not send a wedding congrats card).

In the circumstances I can completely understand why you feel hurt.

Personally, I would say no more about it and use the money to do something enjoyable with your husband and kids. I saying or doing anything else will look petty or bitter.

I would however be reassessing how much effort I put in to this relationship and would take a step back towards 'polite civility' with the bride and groom. Also, if anyone asked any questions about the wedding, I would have no issue being honest and replying matter of factly- 'oh, I wasn't invited- you'll have to ask the bride'.

This is crap. I have experienced similar things when you realise where you come in the pecking order. YANBU but try to get past it. Reduce contact, as Tain your dignity and use your saved money for treats with your own immediate family. Tbh, who wants to be friends with someone so nasty? Best of luck 🌺

You seriously don't need those type of people in your life.

Their wedding , their choice but moving forward there would be no cards or gifts for any occasions from me .It may be petty but life can be tough enough without letting people wipe their feet on you .

Are the bride and groom covering the costs? If so, then they are naturally going to be selective. When I got married, it was a relatively small wedding of 60 guests but my husband and I were paying for it and the price per head was very high. For me, it was an intimate high end wedding with those we knew well. I invited my aunty and her daughter, ie my cousin because I felt close enough to them, but not her son ie. another cousin because I hadn’t seen him since he was a baby and didn’t know him. (And do I then have to make it a +1?). My aunty months later said to me her son would have liked to have come, but I just didn’t feel inclined. Do you know your stepsister well? Perhaps she feels she doesn’t know you so well. If guests are paying their own way, then that would be a bit hurtful but ultimately would you feel comfortable being there? X

@Daisypod alot of the responses are harsh. I wouldn't think hour step sister dislikes you. Just doesn't feel same way as you. And tbh doesn't sound like you keep in touch that much.

YANBU, I would be upset too. Screw them I really wouldn’t bother again.

Well, this is one time that you can really enjoy hindsight. You didn’t buy an expensive present and now you don’t have to with an absolutely clear conscience! Take your saved money and go and do something lovely with your family - and don’t bother with your SS again. She can go hang with her Instagram mates.

Your step-dad is a C You Next Tuesday and so is your step-sister.

Your Mum is just as bad for enabling and condoning this. If your Mother has any decency, she will not go to this wedding. I would not attend a step-child wedding if my flesh and blood child was not invited.

I would humiliate your step-sister online with a post, "Oh Hi! Just wondering if our invite to the wedding is lost in the post?

Lots of love,

Your sister."

Then I would walk away from them all.

'It's become clear also that it is going to be a very 'instagramable' wedding and we just don't fit in, all their friends are glamorous and we are homely and overweight.'

How exactly did this 'become clear'? Just in your head?

Now, think up some non-paranoid reasons why you might not have made the wedding list. Yes you can.