Upset we weren't invited to the wedding

YANBU, but neither are they, not even the stepdad.

I actually think he was right to not be involved, because it is THEIR wedding and he has (and should have) no say in it.

You are not wrong for feeling sorry about not being invited but I do not perceive it as a slight. You just did not make the cut, and that is OK - we all have people we care about more and people we care about less (albeit we still may like them and think they are OK).

Your stepsister just does not consider you to be very close to her, and it may sting but it is a reality and she did not do anything atrocious. I'd send her a nice card and mentally rank her into a group of acquaintances, not close people.

So here’s a brides perspective: I’m planning a wedding both my mum and dad have died and I have a relatively small family, my FHs family is huge, especially when we add in partners. To combat having a massively one sided wedding we are keeping our numbers to 40 for the ceremony. With this in mind we have invited only people we see all the time, people who have some investment in our relationship and get that we will be serving our marriage with a side of humour.
there are aunts and uncles in his family that will be disappointed as they believe they are entitled to an invite, we have sat down with his parents and explained. They don’t like confrontation either so will be saying they are staying out of it.
it’s nothing personal, has nothing to do with styling or if I enjoyed the conversation with them at Uncle Nigel’s 60 party 3 years ago, I just want to know when I trip over my dress walking down the aisle I know all the faces are laughing along with me and not at me.
mic also worked hard to make sure it looks nice because I have low self esteem and just want one nice picture of myself so would be absolutely gutted if someone was calling it ‘instagrammable’ insinuating it was all for show.

This is hurtful of course, but try to put it behind you and put the money towards a nice trip. If I were you, I'd ignore the wedding - no card or present.

Sad that weddings tend to lead to so much stress and grief. To be honest I only like the small informal ones.

Your step sister sounds like a superficial tw*t! Take that money you saved and spend it exactly as you desire - you'll have a way funner time - celebrate yourself, dh and your kids and have some beautiful times together.

Come off worse to whom? The awful relatives who don’t care about OP in the first place? Why ‘turn the other cheek’ to nasty people and look like a doormat?

I sent a good luck message to a very old friend who didn't invite me to her wedding and I'm still cringing over it years later. I wish I'd just said and done nothing.

Yep. So many posts all about revenge.

It's hurtful, but dealing with it with dignity is the mature way to go. Go the revenge route, and you come off worse. Hopefully you have enough self-respect to go high, not low @Daisypod

Send a message wishing them all the best. You can rise above this

This.
Have a great well photographed time on the day of the wedding and splash all over Instagram

Love this xx

YANBU spend the money on your kids. Have a weekend with them.

I would be upset too.. I wouldn't go out of my way to be friendly towards them in future.

I hope you can do something nice with the money that you have saved.

An instagrammable wedding sounds like the most tedious thing on earth so you may have had a lucky escape. Weddings are only really good when you are close with a few of the guests - either friends or family.
You’re entitled to feel rubbish about it, but maybe it’s for the best.

I hope you said ‘yes I’d like what I paid for it… thanks!’

I am so sad to hear you describe yourself as homely and overweight. This sounds like you put yourself down for your very being and are uncomfortable with who you are. There are no homely people, just different from us looking people or different looking from the crowd we are used to being around. If you judge yourself harshly do you also judge others this way? Perhaps read into things were nothing offensive exist. You did say only full siblings and their partners are invited. This means half siblings, such as yourself are not invited.

To think being homely and overweight as one reason not to get invited to a wedding is an assumption that actually puts you down as well as your step sister because you are accusing her of being superficial. We've been to glamorous weddings (pain in the bum) where everyone dresses up and I have discovered "everyone cleans up" nicely for those no matter their weight, how they perceive themselves or how casual they might be on a daily level because of the more formal attire, make up etc.

If you truly were the only step relative not being invited, which it does not sound like since you said they are inviting full siblings and spouses, something else is at play and you may want to ask your step sister if you have done something to offend her. If you know you have not, then just assume no step siblings are going, it's the norm and no offense was met. In our family dynamics the step siblings met later in life as teens and young adults, have little in common and are holiday friends. No biggie. And it also sounds like if you deem them glamorous to your dowdiness, the comparisons can't help but feel awful and other people pick up on such awkwardness.

If you have decided your step sister is a superficial bitch who is snubbing you but you don't want to ask her directly if you have offended her then you will bring that attitude to every gathering she is at and you will bring unwarranted drama to the family dynamics. Don't go there. Assume no step siblings are invited, be glad to not spend the money to go, enjoy your precious life and lose the weight so you can feel awesome about that aspect of your life- been there (excessively hard work), done that and it truly is a worthwhile effort.

There is a great book called Self Compassion by Kristen Neff and I highly recommend it to people who put themselves down and suffer from worthlessness. It's easier to blame others for how bad we feel about ourselves, including making a step sibling out to be the problem because of this or that, then it is to do the hard work of making ourselves the person we wish to be. Most of the difficulty lies in not recognizing our role in keeping ourselves down through excuses and lack of compassion for self and others. Instead we let anger run our lives. Don't go there. Your step sibling has every right to invite whom she wants to her wedding which means being angry or hurt is not an appropriate response if you believe in her autonomy and even your own when you make a decision that potentially hurts another's feelings, though unintentional. I recommend you send her a beautiful engagement card, if you haven't already, wishing them the best time at their upcoming wedding. If you've sent an engagement card then just send a lovely wedding card congratulating them and wishing them the loveliest of days. This helps keep the family dynamics flowing in a way that doesn't create harmful drama, helps you mature in your compassion and responses to being hurt and helps everyone know you as a mature, confident woman- great example to your children and your family.

Please tell me you informed her that her sister could have the dress for what you paid for it, plus a substantial mark up for your time and to soothe your hurt feelings.

One of my bridesmaid's now MIL decided that the flower girl dress I bought for her 1 year old was too plain and embellished it with loads of frou frou flowers, bows and stuff. This was revealed on the morning of the wedding itself. She just wore it, I had bigger wedding morning disasters going on, but when I saw it I just thought... CF.

I was then her bridesmaid in return. That same MIL bought a dress for me off eBay without any discussion at all. My friend showed me a photo. I simply pointed out that nobody could ever think I was a size 12. Nothing else was said, my friend quietly arranged a bridesmaid dress shopping trip for the two of us, as I had done with my girls.

Sweet Jesus Christ i hope she is no longer your friend and you did not give the dress back
What a see you next Tuesday

Honestly I don't see it as step siblings when all parties were adults at the start: it's more that her dad married your mom which is a very different relationship. I understand that you're hurt though and don't see it that way.

Assuming you had childcare as it was a no kids wedding, why don’t you arrange to go there without them at a different time with the money, seeing as you were looking forward to it?

Wow, your son was very unreasonable. People who use weddings to score points are really deluded. It's just one day, and people willl forget the wedding but won't forgot that he excluded them.

YANBU. My goddaughter got married last week and I wasn't invited. I would have loved to have gone. My daughter is getting married overseas next year, 2nd time, just her, partner and the children (no shared children, and all older). My son is getting married soon. Has invited his stepsiblings, but not their partners. All of which makes me sad. What has happened to you is very unfair and unkind. No invite, no present etc. In fact no acknowledgement of the event from you. I would say.

I would send a card but not a gift, then forget about it. Stay your decent, friendly self and still be pleasant when you meet her in future. Meanwhile, enjoy a holiday with the money you would have spent and have a much nicer time 😀

What a bitch! Did you give her the dress? Please say no.

i personally had a tiny wedding. The expense is unreal. The idea that you should be obligated to invite people seems old fashioned. Especially if you arrange a destination wedding you’re either way bound to upset people. Who knows how many close friends they’ve invited or how many people who aren’t super close were ALSO not invited. There’s a budget, venue capacity, and it’s their wedding. OP how do you feel when people oblige you to do big things? Do you begrudge them?

Cut them out completely! no Christmas cards, no birthday cards no communication whatsoever and throw a party with the money you saved and invite your friends and the family who actually value spending time with you.