Upset we weren't invited to the wedding

Just wondering what’s happening after the wedding when reality steps in. Does she expect to connect with you and carry on as usual

Do this! Fab fun times with the children lots of pics passively aggressively posted all over Instagram. And step dad and step sister are now demoted to people of no interest at all for you.

Ouch. That is a hurtful snub.
I would probably avoid them in future and make sure I didn’t invite them to any gatherings.

Your mum and step dad just playing along without saying anything would hurt me too.

I agree! ⬆️ x

Call her out and ask why.

I frankly do not understand the drama.

You were not invited, hence she does not consider you close family.

Can you live with that? I'd bet you do not consider her your close family either.

I get it may sting a bit but it does not guarantee any anger or, God forbid, vengeance. Send her a nice card and wish her genuinely well, as you would do to a coworker. Do not send a gift or engage more. It is absolutely not worth any resentment. She is just an acquaintance, so treat her as such.

Why crap family?

In my book, that would be trying to steal from each other, being nasty, speaking behind your backs.

You just grew apart. I get you are sad about that but it is nothing atrocious. He does not feel close to you and he is not a vilain for that.

How very unkind, and destructve for the rest of your lives. Just ensure you are breezy about it ' oh, we aren't invited, no idea why' etc. If asked.

If you are asked what you are giving as a gift, look confused and say ' we aren't giving a gift, it would embarrass stepsister, as we aren't invited.

No gifts, no presents and don't bother with the hen party if there is one.

How embarrassing for your dm. I wouldn't go if I was her, I'd spend the day with you and dc instead.

initial reply was to another person.

Ok so I found out this morning my brother got married on Saturday. We're both in our fifties. Our parents are dead. They were living wonderful people and I miss them every day. We have four cousins and he has me as his only sibling. I have adult (just) kids. We weren't told, it came up by accident from a mutual acquaintance. Hes not a family person so I wouldn't expect an invitation. But to not tell my adult kids or our cousins makes me feel he's done with family for ever and it's sad. We have so few family left and my boys are being shown what a crap family looks like, when in fact it was really close before we lost our parents.

Hang on. She's the DD of OP's step-dad, who was already grown up when they married? She's a step-sister. I have two step-sons and also a DS (and DD, also a step-DD). They were all more or less grown up when I and my late DH married. We are all family.
Thus: sister/brother; half-sister/half-brother; step-sister/step-brother.
Full brothers and sisters share both parents.
Half-brothers/sisters are produced when two divorced/widowed people marry, both having children. The children of the new marriage are half-brothers/sisters to the children of both parents.
Step-brother/sister - this relationship exists where divorced/widowed people marry. Their original children are step-brothers/sisters to the children of the new partner. Subsequent children are of the half-blood to all original children (as above).
So OP's not very nice relative is her step-sister - a legal relationship that carries weight e.g. about thirty years ago a couple had an Act of Parliament just for them, so that they could marry. They were step-father and step-daughter. Without the act to permit marriage, they would have been committing legal incest. This is obviously to protect children in step-relationships, not to prevent an adult couple marrying after the death of one party's parent who was married to the other party.
OP's step-sisters is just nasty.

That's bang out of order that.

Weddings are a nightmare, and the guest list is just the beginning of it. I think the OP is being unreasonable in thinking that the reason for the lack of invitation is because she isn’t sufficiently instagrammable - I am sure that did not cross the bride’s mind. It will be much more about numbers. My DD is getting married later this year, and I swear the United Nations would have trouble sorting out the dilemmas and frictions over the guest list, due to family members falling out, and the fact that it’s not a huge wedding.

Ah, saw OP’s update. So She isn’t a step-sibling. She’s the daughter of your stepdad who was already an adult when they married? If that’s the case then she and her siblings aren’t family & you’re only going to be more disappointed by viewing them as such. Take this as an opportunity to free yourself of them.

I'd save my temper for step father who refused to stand up for his wife's child.

Because it's family? Had I a step-sister I'd invite her to my wedding. It's courtesy. Not inviting close family is drawing the line too tight.

Yea but why?
And where do you make the cut-off?
And how much should you worry about upsetting people who are invited but absolutely hate the caje/drinks/decoration/seating partner and openly complain about it (are maybe even genuinely hurt).

It's her step-sister. She ought to be invited. It's a snub and shows exactly what sort of person her step-sister is. Weddings are about joining families, not just personal. Great-Aunt Maud in her killer-tomato hat must be invited. She will say inopportune things and get in the way of the photographer and it doesn't matter.

YANBU. I can totally understand your hurt. Been there myself. But put this down to experience. You now know what she thinks of you but don't let it get you down. Think of the positives: you won't be out of pocket for a wedding abroad, outfits etc and you absolutely do NOT buy a wedding gift/stick money in a card. Me, I wouldn't even give her a card after this snub. Come to think of it, I wouldn't ever give her daylight in a dark corner😁😁

I don’t understand why all this pressure around weddings. Who gets to go, who doesn’t get to go, what is served and what not. And then all the people who will have a beef about it for years to come. Honestly…. This whole drama would just make me want to get wed in secret.
I don’t know what to say. Two people are about to get married. Why is this about you?

Its just a wedding. Its just a party tha you don’t get to go to 🤷‍♀️

My sister didn't invite me to her wedding, neither did an erstwhile "good" friend or my youngest cousin. Perhaps its just me.

Don't completely blank her and send a card and a token present. After the event gush about how wonderful it looked on instagram and how everyone looked like they were having a great time. It would be interesting to know what her reaction is.

Generally wedding guests tend to be distant family members at the expense of close friends, I think this is in-case great aunty so-and-so has a few bob and you get mentioned in the will. You will never know the reason for the omission but don't worry about it as I'm sure you have better people in your life to spend your energy on. Actual genuine people and not a bunch of size 0, airbrushed avatars.

If you think it is a deliberate slight you could organise a party/barbeque for good friends on the same weekend and make sure there are pictures on social media which she may see. If you are the only ones not invited YANBU but if there are a lot of others in a similar category to you, ie. related by your parent's marriage or not in close regular contact who were also not invited then its not a personal snub.

I thought bubbles at the bridge sounded picturesque. I'm quite upset it was only at the bride

I've just gone over all of OP's posts to separate people's opinions from what she actually said.

OP's never lived with the half siblings, their parents married when children were late teens or young adults. She lives in another country and only sees them at Christmas and occasionally when she visits the specific place the half sister lives in. So, that's a handful of times per year, at most.

They "get on", which in my world translates into they are polite and civil, as relatives living in different countries usually are as they rarely see each other and there's no significant relationships or chances for typical family dramas to develop. There's no indication that they consider each other close family or friends.

Sure, OP can feel as she feels, she says family is important to her. But unless there's something she hasn't mentioned, the distance and lack of contact has meant that the relationship is just a matter of brief encounters at bigger family events.

I know what you mean.
My cousin got married a couple of years ago and they were stressing over the late stage lockdown guest limit. They invited my brother and his partner but OH and I didn't get an invite.
My brother is a lazy sod and even though they're close he didn't want to travel across the country for it so at the last minute they said they couldn't go. So me and my OH got a last minute throwback invite just to fill the numbers.
I get it but also it seemed like surely my brother and I (actual blood relatives) got invites without our plus one would make more sense in a situation where you're limited? Anyway, my OH and I attended to fill the gap just out of a courtesy really but we know where we stand now in the family at least!