To send this new mum a gift?

I don’t think it’s weird but maybe that’s because my husband’s colleagues, who I had never even met, sent gifts for me and the baby after some of our children were born. I thought it was sweet. I was too overwhelmed by constant breastfeeding and far too sleep deprived to find it weird! 😂

I think it was well meant, but I also thought it was odd, the two things aren’t the mutually exclusive! If it helps, I had a similar thing over the weekend where I wanted to buy someone a present for getting a new job and then realised I was going a bit overboard and had to rein myself back in! Hope you enjoyed the chocolate and no offence meant, just sharing an opinion as we all do on here.

Oh I'd be really happy with that and touched regardless of if we were close or not.
Just send it, you could make her day! And if not, who cares if someone you barely know thinks you're a bit odd??
Follow where your good energy takes you

OP; don't put yourself down! Your intentions are lovely. We all make errors of judgement occasionally!! It's only human.

The 2nd gift is a bit overbearing given you don’t know her. I would just leave it at the first gift. If she was a close friend it would be nice but as a friend of her DP I wouldn’t.

The first gift is lovely. Given your lack of genuine connection to the new mum, I wouldn't send the second.

I'm pretty touchy; chuck rampant hormones in the mix and it might not be pretty. Given that you don't know in what spirit your gift and especially the card - thoughtful though the sentiment is - may be received, it's a bit of a bold move. You don't know this woman well enough to know what could put her back up, and that's before you add in being a new mother. Your friend is right.

You sound very kind and thought though!

@AllTheUsernamesLeftAreShit

Your plan for sending a second gift comes from a lovely kind place, but please trust me when I say it isn't the right thing to do for someone you don't know well and have met twice.

If one of my husband's colleagues/friends did this for me as a new mum, I would find it at best, a nice but misplaced gesture from an over-enthusiastic person and at worst, a bit creepy.

Please don't do this, and I say this from a kind place.

You sound like a lovely kind person so please don't take this as a criticism, I am genuinely trying to help. X

First gift is great, the second one is strange. Don't do it.

Or some of us just think it a bit odd to receive a gift from someone we have only met twice when they already sent a gift.

I would actually think the gift would be for my DH instead of me in these circumstances or for both of us, not just me.

You’ve done this for every new mum you’ve known? Even the ones you’ve only met twice? You must buy a lot of chocolate!

Ah you should ignore mumsnet! Half the posters on here don't open their front doors to unexpected visitors and worry about leaving their clothes hanging up outside at night!

I think it's a really thoughtful idea x

I think it’s very thoughtful and I’d have loved it. I was so down after DD was born that when someone sent me a box of chocolates I could have cried that they’d thought to send me something as well as the baby. New mums are so often overlooked.

Yes, but that was your best friend so presumably you know her and she knows you very well. OP does not know this lady. She has met her twice. I probably have a more meaningfull relationship with the guy on the tills at Aldi than OP has with this lady. Let's not forget she hasn't actually worked with the male friend for over a decade so yeah, I would say it's overstepping. First gift was nice, second would be a bit strange.

First gift is lovely.

A second gift would be strange IMO, yes people like to receive gifts but you barely know her and to be quite honest I would be suspicious you were having an affair or something with my husband if some woman I barely knew sent me a second gift.

My best friend made me a care package and she was the only one in the early days to ask how I was adjusting. I think its a lovely idea tbh!

If someone sent me that I'd be chuffed and really touched

I like this message, it's thoughtful but not over familiar.

As you have already sent a gift I don't think you need to send anything else..
If she was a close friend I think it would be a nice gesture but as you don't really know her it seems overkill and a little odd

"since you don’t know her it’s for him you are doing it I assume? So he’ll think how great you are?"

I think this comment nails it.

' you're doing great Mama '

well of course I was ! I found being a Mummy very easy - I had a dd that liked to sleep ! lots and lots !

so I don't need one of my Husband's former colleagues telling me I am doing well - how patronising ! as I wouldn't have found that a supportive message,
If it's another bar of dairy milk, it would be going in the fridge and my husband would eat it at some point - I prefer galaxy :)

No this is too much and too try hard for someone you barely know.
Do you do this for anyone you’ve met a couple of times who has had a baby? And if not why this woman? It looks performative and since you don’t know her it’s for him you are doing it I assume? So he’ll think how great you are? I would be uncomfortable with this like you are using me to big yourself up to my partner.

"As long as there is absolutely no indication of anything going on between you and her partner, I don't see how it could be received badly."

When I had PND (oh, I did go a bit crazy I admit), an extra gift from a woman DP worked with 10 years ago who doesn't appear to see much of DP would have given me an indication, whether true or not and it would have absolutely eaten away at me.

Would have been my issue I know.

Still think it's bloody weird. Friends look out for each other and stop each other doing daft things, please listen to your pal 😬

This.

The first gift was a lovely thought but the second one is TOO much. Your own experience has nothing to do with her.

I've also got a card and bar of chocolate planning to send it to arrive Wednesday as a "you're doing great mama!"

Oh God no, please don't.

The thought comes from a lovely place (I get that) but it's going to sound SO false.

You'll have no idea whether she's 'doing great mama' or not, will you?

The first present was a lovely thought, just leave it at that.