To find I’m still left with nothing each month despite it looking good written down.

Itgetsharder · 2024-06-29T12:00:01+00:00

I’m newly separated…about 9months on my own now. I have my dc 50:50. I’m proud of what I have achieve on my own and the separation process isn’t even really started yet legally do I know there’s a long road ahead. I am hating that I’m left with little to nothing at the end of the month and sometimes dipping into savings (when I used to save 500-1k per month) my figures are as follows: My basic salary (with no overtime!) Is 2600 Child benefit (in Ireland) -280 So that’s a minimum of 2860 or thereabouts My only solid must pay outgoings per month are Rent 1400 Storage 80 (I’m working on getting rid of this!) Life insurance 84 Internet and phone 52 Netflix 15 Bins 23 Electricity 120 I have a car but I own outright it and tax and insurance are paid annually. (Used savings) So that’s a Total of 1874 So that’s a Leftover 986 which seems like a lot but that’s to cover food, petrol and everything else (clothes, birthdays, haircuts, days out etc) Rationally I know I’m doing ok, I get that, I’m just worried that I’ll never be able to save again and buy my own place. I’m trying to relax about it but I’m finding I’m stressing. I have changed roles in work which will allow me to wfh a few days a week which will reduce my petrol consumption. Im aware I’m lucky in lots of ways, I suppose I’m just venting. I just find I’m flirting between being strong about it in the now and worrying about how it will all play out. Anyone else?

Original poster

Itgetsharder · 13/10/2024 09:56

Just remembered that I totally forgot to add that I have tried to add in overtime each month too. If I do some time as a call out on a Saturday or Sunday then I get paid for a full day. So 2hrs work is means I’m paid for 8hours. This helps a lot!

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Original poster

Itgetsharder · 12/10/2024 11:17

Thank you so much all. I’m feeling less panicked this month that’s for sure.
@Getitwright thank you, I’ll definitely try that!! I suppose I won’t know unless I try. The aim after that then is to start saving again and hopefully I can get my own place again. That’s the dream.

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Getitwright · 12/10/2024 11:05

Itgetsharder · 12/10/2024 10:05

Just a little update. I have changed my tax from joint to separate, which has made a difference. I have gotten rid of the storage which was 90 a month. I am working from home 2 days a week now which saves on petrol. I’m taking breakfast into work and some lunches too when I can. I am waiting for my broadband and phone contract to be up for renewal in January and I will look at changing if it makes sense.
The government budget will help a lot with the Tax band increases, double child benefit for Nov and dec is an extra 560 and the electricity credit of 125 before Christmas too.
My performance review will be in Jan/feb too so my pay will increase by 2-4k depending which is great too.

On the broadband, don’t be afraid to take your provider right up to almost disconnect point. I do this every contract renewal, pointing out what a loyal customer I have been, how they are not rewarding customers like me, only chasing the new ones. Go in armed with some comparable quotes, like for like, and if you don’t get forwarded, ask to be put through to the disconnection section. (Or “Customer Retention” as VM like to call it🤣). Here you will be talking to someone who can authorise a better price, but keep at it, and politely decline first couple of “discounts” They nearly always offer a sweetener as well. I have never failed to get a reduction in price, and have always come away with some sweetener, such as a free sim, included in my BB payment. Last month, I got £15 a month off, and a VM wifi booster unit worth a couple of hundred pounds, which has boosted an already good wifi signal. I did the same for my Mum with Plusnet, £20 a month off this one. It’s an hour of your life you won’t get back, but over the term of a BB contract, well worth the hassle. Money Saving Expert is good for special offer tips and bargains as well, if it’s relevant in Ireland.
Good luck with it all, it cannot be easy, but hopefully things will get better for you.

Changedname23 · 12/10/2024 11:00

You are doing brilliantly! Especially because the rent is so expensive. Sounds like things will improve financially in the near future too, which is great.

Original poster

Itgetsharder · 12/10/2024 10:42

CagneyAndLazy · 12/10/2024 10:35

Nice update, OP. Sounds like some progress and a bit of relief!

(Still can't believe that despite you pointing out at least half a dozen times you're in Ireland, every other post is someone talking about things/prices specific to the UK. 🙄)

@CagneyAndLazy thank you. Ah I know, I suppose the majority on here are probably UK based but still. But yes, progress is progress, it’s small progress but good progress thank god! ☺️

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CagneyAndLazy · 12/10/2024 10:35

Nice update, OP. Sounds like some progress and a bit of relief!

(Still can't believe that despite you pointing out at least half a dozen times you're in Ireland, every other post is someone talking about things/prices specific to the UK. 🙄)

Original poster

Itgetsharder · 12/10/2024 10:26

Oh and the life insurance policy I will be changing soon too. I just want to wait for official separation documents before I go ahead with that. 🙌

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Original poster

Itgetsharder · 12/10/2024 10:05

Just a little update. I have changed my tax from joint to separate, which has made a difference. I have gotten rid of the storage which was 90 a month. I am working from home 2 days a week now which saves on petrol. I’m taking breakfast into work and some lunches too when I can. I am waiting for my broadband and phone contract to be up for renewal in January and I will look at changing if it makes sense.
The government budget will help a lot with the Tax band increases, double child benefit for Nov and dec is an extra 560 and the electricity credit of 125 before Christmas too.
My performance review will be in Jan/feb too so my pay will increase by 2-4k depending which is great too.

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Apileofballyhoo · 01/07/2024 15:46

Itgetsharder · 01/07/2024 14:45

@Apileofballyhoo essentially he is yes…I never really saw it that way I suppose

take it into account when you are coming to a financial settlement. Are you planning on going to see a mediator or anything?

I'm currently onto my friend about needing a lump sum to put towards her pension, she is so relieved to be out of the marriage that she has not been thinking about what is fair to her financially while her ex is living the life of Reilly.

Original poster

Itgetsharder · 01/07/2024 14:45

@Tilly22222 i agree. I’m working on this one!

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Original poster

Itgetsharder · 01/07/2024 14:45

@Apileofballyhoo essentially he is yes…I never really saw it that way I suppose

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Tilly22222 · 01/07/2024 14:13

Your life cover is very expensive!

Apileofballyhoo · 01/07/2024 14:11

Is your ex paying for half of your child's activities? Also, he is living rent free in half of your house?

Original poster

Itgetsharder · 01/07/2024 09:31

I also forgot I had kindle unlimited 😬 so I have cancelled that so that’s €11 more for saving per month! 🙌

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Original poster

Itgetsharder · 30/06/2024 18:33

Nsky62 · 30/06/2024 18:11

Surely your daughter’s activities are not mega expensive.
Get divorced and cheaper housing

@Nsky62 no they are not crazy
1 has an annual membership of 120. Another is 10 per session and the other is termly which is around 60-80 depending on the term.

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Nsky62 · 30/06/2024 18:11

Surely your daughter’s activities are not mega expensive.
Get divorced and cheaper housing

Original poster

Itgetsharder · 30/06/2024 12:15

@Bjorkdidit sorry I never answered your first question, yes I’m hoping things will be evened out on divorce. The. I should have enough to buy my own place. 🤞

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Original poster

Itgetsharder · 30/06/2024 11:55

Toastcrumbsinsofa · 30/06/2024 11:47

Sorry if I’ve missed it, but does your stbx earn more than you? If so, you need to lose the guilt about leaving him and start the process of divorcing him. I would tell him that you are going to stop paying the life insurance as you can’t afford it. If he died while you are still married you would inherit the house anyway!

Edited

@Toastcrumbsinsofa yed he does earn more about 25k more

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Original poster

Itgetsharder · 30/06/2024 11:54

@Bjorkdidit i earn approx €42k, this will increase each year yes. There is definitely scope for promotion, but I need a bit more experience for that. So another year or so.

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Toastcrumbsinsofa · 30/06/2024 11:47

Sorry if I’ve missed it, but does your stbx earn more than you? If so, you need to lose the guilt about leaving him and start the process of divorcing him. I would tell him that you are going to stop paying the life insurance as you can’t afford it. If he died while you are still married you would inherit the house anyway!

Bjorkdidit · 30/06/2024 11:38

The problem appears to be that you're paying 1400 euro pm rent while your exH is living in a mortgage free house. If your housing costs were more even, it would be a lot easier for you. Will this be evened up at all if/when you divorce? Is the property a marital asset? If you had your half of the equity, would you be able to use this as a deposit to buy a home to live in for you and DC?

Also, your salary sounds quite low? From what I've heard wages in Ireland are higher than the UK and here NMW is about £1700 pm, which is probably over 2000 Euro, and you're not earning a huge amount above that unless your overtime is reliable. Is there any chance of a pay rise, promotion or change to a higher paid job?

Original poster

Itgetsharder · 30/06/2024 11:27

@daisychain01 thank you. ☺️
take the priorities first (monthly)
Food £350 - £400 (guessing, I don't know the CoL in Ireland)
Petrol £150 (not sure how much mileage, so it could be more or less) - I guess these are probably about right. Petrol probably a bit more to be honest. I suppose my struggle with food is that I have the dc alternate weekends so it’s not a “set” amount per week. I eat my dinner in work the weekdays I don’t have them as it is cheaper (subsidised canteen) and then I have to buy quite a bit when I do have them. I’m still trying to get used to that set up.

Worst case scenario it leaves you approx £450 a month

clothes, birthdays, haircuts, days out etccan swallow up huge amounts, because it's a bit of a blank chequebook. - yes these are quite expensive over here. I get my hair cut literally once a year at 50ish for a wash cut and blowdry! It’s nuts!

Clothing, upcycling websites, charity shops for good condition kids clothing (school uniforms through any school uniform exchange schemes going on?) - the school did this exact thing for the first time this year but during the school hours and I couldn’t get in. I did manage to nip in on the last day of school though and grab Trousers and jumper for ds,which is great! Although he wears my dd’s old jumpers and PE Uniform so I only buy a few new pieces- even at that uniform for their school is non crested and very basic and can be bought cheaply enough.

Birthdays - set a budget and stick to it, at least during this current phase until you have clarity on your divorce settlement.- this is probably where I struggle as I dont buy my dc toys throughout the year at all so I like to get them a good bit for birthdays.

haircuts- I do cut my dds hair myself lately yes, just a trim and it keeps it healthy as she likes it long. My DS needs his cut, it grows fast but to be fair his dad has taken him to do that a lot. So when I say haircuts it’s really a minimal cost realistically. 😬

Days out - these can be eyewateringly expensive if they are theme parks. Can you use Tesco Clubcard vouchers etc and limit to 1 over the summer holidays, as it can swallow up your entire monthly budget if you aren't careful. - I don’t shop at Tesco very often (definitely not a full shop) I can’t afford that. I shop at Lidl or Aldi.

Edited to add, as a child I never had any days out, and I never missed them. Kids get accustomed to having entertainment laid on and it can limit opportunities for the normal periods of boredom that increase imagination and creativity. Can you give them any garden space to "own" and do some growing over the summer, which is better than any theme park imo. Dbro and I did a pumpkin growing competition one year (I won of course 😆)- my kids would literally fall over if I told them to grow pumpkins 😂😂 but to be honest they are easily entertained in that all I need to do is arrange play dates or visit cousins and they will play out all day.

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daisychain01 · 30/06/2024 11:01

So that’s a Total of 1874
So that’s a Leftover 986 which seems like a lot but that’s to cover food, petrol and everything else (clothes, birthdays, haircuts, days out etc)

take the priorities first (monthly)
Food £350 - £400 (guessing, I don't know the CoL in Ireland)
Petrol £150 (not sure how much mileage, so it could be more or less)

Worst case scenario it leaves you approx £450 a month

clothes, birthdays, haircuts, days out etc can swallow up huge amounts, because it's a bit of a blank chequebook.

Clothing, upcycling websites, charity shops for good condition kids clothing (school uniforms through any school uniform exchange schemes going on?)

Birthdays - set a budget and stick to it, at least during this current phase until you have clarity on your divorce settlement.

haircuts - limit to basic haircuts for DC and you, in the short term. Local colleges have good offers for student apprentices doing hairdressing and beauty courses.

Days out - these can be eyewateringly expensive if they are theme parks. Can you use Tesco Clubcard vouchers etc and limit to 1 over the summer holidays, as it can swallow up your entire monthly budget if you aren't careful.

Edited to add, as a child I never had any days out, and I never missed them. Kids get accustomed to having entertainment laid on and it can limit opportunities for the normal periods of boredom that increase imagination and creativity. Can you give them any garden space to "own" and do some growing over the summer, which is better than any theme park imo. Dbro and I did a pumpkin growing competition one year (I won of course 😆)

Original poster

Itgetsharder · 30/06/2024 10:58

@Nsky62

i don’t consider myself poor in any way. I couldn’t take my dcs activities away, I just couldn’t. My dd isn’t hugely academic, her music lesson and sports are her life. I want her to have those! My ds literally only plays football at the local club for 5 per week. That’s not a lot to ask. I’m not making excuses, these things are important to me. It’s just disheartening when I’m not a crazy spender as such. I bought new trainers for myself last month and that was a great treat with a discount at €54. That’ll be it now for a while.

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Nsky62 · 30/06/2024 10:49

My situation as a single (62) woman, with moderate life affecting Parkinson’s, can’t work, bit more money via help, and some private monies. £1,000, no rent or housing costs, don’t drive.
Always save, save the change too.
My food bill is high, roughly 250 month, cat and I.
Budget carefully , consider myself well off, bills too high , tho careful with energy.
if kids can’t afford activities then can’t have them.
Accept that are far better off than lots as I do