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Original poster

Holiday tomorrow and already feeling pretty anxious

89 replies

SkylarkDay · 29/06/2024 08:38

As the title says, I struggle with holidays. Not so bad with a couple of nights in the UK but off to Italy tomorrow. I know I should realise how lucky I am but I’m not feeling it and just feel apprehensive and stressed. DH & DD (18) like travelling. I use to travel abroad an awful lot for work years ago, and now I’m in my 50s would prefer to stay home or do occasional nights away in the UK.

I find the pre-holiday packing, getting the house ready to leave and leaving the animals at cattery etc is unbelievably stressful. Managed to avoid them the last few years due to the pandemic and then our two very elderly dogs were too creaky to leave. Sadly lost both my dogs this last 6 months and not got any more yet.

Generally on holiday I miss all my home comforts, my proper comfortable bed and routine. Don’t like leaving my pets, husband has ADHD so each morning he wants a list of where/what we are doing, and I get no time alone to recharge. I’m pretty sensitive to crowded busy places too these days. From home I do love doing day trips and getting out to see/explore things, especially when we had the dogs as I love walking, but I generally like to come home at night, although odd nights at UK hotels/Airbnb is fine. The only time my husband and I ever argue is on holiday because although he’s great, he totally exhausts me!!

Just wondering if anyone else feels this. Everybody else I know seems to love going away so I feel a bit of a freak! 😕

OP posts:
NotbloodyGivingupYet · 29/06/2024 08:55

Your DH might have ADHD but he is a grownup. He needs to learn to manage it himself. To write his own lists, to work out what he wants to do, what he needs to pack.
ADHD also doesn't prevent him from understanding your anxiety. Why are you doing all the adulting? Why do you let him pile it all on you?
(I have ADHD, holiday planning makes me really anxious because it is difficult for me but I do it myself, I don't expect DH to do it for me!)

CountessWindyBottom · 29/06/2024 08:55

Italy is so wonderful so try and make the most of it.

I think it’s important to remember that this is your holiday too @SkylarkDay. If you already anticipate that your DH is going to be hard work then I’d help him with his itinerary, if that’s what’s required, and then tell them what you’re doing. So for example if you wanted to visit a gallery you could choose to do this together and then say that you’ll be doing your own thing for a few hours be it lying by the pool or chilling with a book. If you know how holidays usually go and you feeling frazzled then I’d make plans to mitigate that from the start!

Have a great time!

Willyoubuymeahouseofgold · 29/06/2024 08:55

I understand exactly how you feel. I have been a bit firmer in putting in place some down time or personal time on holiday as my partner would have us out from 9am til 10pm if he could. So, now if he's up early, he goes and walks to scope the area. He brings back breakfast etc. I would send him to the pool with the kids etc. You must plan your space carefully and not be overwhelmed with his "activeness".

sleekcat · 29/06/2024 08:51

I sometimes find getting the house ready beforehand a bit stressful as someone usually comes to stay to look after pets, but other than that I do love going away once I've left. Had a fabulous holiday in Italy once, one of my best.

Next time the other two could go without you, but this time you should just do what you want once there, not feel that you have to go everywhere with them if it's too much for you. Let them go out for a day alone and sit somewhere reading a book if that's what you want to do. Your husband has your 18 year old daughter to join in with all his expeditions.

Mindymomo · 29/06/2024 08:50

I get stressed going on holiday, mainly because there’s so much to do. I find lists are really helpful. We don’t holiday abroad anymore as we have a dog, who comes with us in the uk, but that’s another thing to stress about. I do relax on holiday and know it’s important to DH and adult DS who comes with us. We are away next week and I am better this time as DS 2 is staying at home with sensible GF, so I won’t worry about the house so much.

Bearpawk · 29/06/2024 08:46

Don't do any packing for them
Don't make the lists/ itineraries - let them work it out if they wanted to go on the holiday! Stop being a martyr

Original poster
SkylarkDay · 29/06/2024 08:46

@BlondeFool I have done this a few times, but it’s got to the point now where they’re both wanting us to all go away together. Feels like it’s time I’ve got to take one for the team, but I hate the anxiety I get! I’m already just focusing on when we’re coming home. 🙄

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 29/06/2024 08:44

Depending on where you live in the UK, one way to make holidays more enjoyable is not having to fly. From London on Eurostar and with connections there are plenty of train based options.

Doesn't solve the packing concerns though I acknowledge. Your DH and DD going without you is reasonable for some holidays too.

Chocolately · 29/06/2024 08:44

Why are you doing something you're unhappy about? Just don't go. They can go and enjoy it, you stay home and enjoy it. Win win.

amiahoarder · 29/06/2024 08:43

And like another poster saud, they could go away alone occasionally leaving you in blissful peace 😁

Shoxfordian · 29/06/2024 08:43

Tell him part of what he's doing on his daily itinerary is going off somewhere with your son while you find a nice quiet cafe or bar to sit in and read or relax

Holidays are supposed to be fun, what can you do to make it better?

amiahoarder · 29/06/2024 08:42

Yep I also hate holidays with family and don't find them relaxing. The organisation, the packing, the change in routine. Everything. My dream is to go away on my own somewhere quiet. Could you explain your feelings to your son and husband and come up with a plan that works. Such as they go out sightseeing and you stay at a coffee shop with a book. Meet for dinner?

CeciliaMars · 29/06/2024 08:42

If you hate them that much, could they not go away together without you? I wouldn't want to go away with my partner if he hated travelling so much - it would bring me down.

BlondeFool · 29/06/2024 08:40

Next time, why don't you let DD AND DH go? Sounds like you don't enjoy it. Or can you be tougher with your DH about your down time. I have ADHD but would never inflict 'my ways' on a partner on holiday.