Holiday tomorrow and already feeling pretty anxious

Sorry about your dogs op.

Thank god, I'm exactly the same, largely due to bad things happening whilst on holidays in the past. I don't look forward to holidays and feel anxious about them. Whilst there I enjoy them but look forward to going home. Just got back from 2 weeks in the US and it was good. This time I got a housesitter to look after house and pets which really helped whilst I was away, although she didn't water my plants so a lot of them have died which I'm furious about! Hope you have a great holiday - they have the best ice creams in Italy 😀

Ok - glad to hear that you are putting on a brave face for them as they obviously want to go on holiday with you as well.

I would say it’s common to have some anxieties before a holiday. Be aware of them but don’t let your fears overwhelm you. Try to focus instead on all the benefits of the holiday like spending quality time as a family, pleasing them by showing your happiness when you enjoy things. You will probably feel more relaxed when you are settled in your accommodation as the airport part is a bit stressful for most of us but is only a tiny part of the holiday experience. As is all the pre holiday planning although it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

Oh thank goodness, I loathe holidays but have never said it out loud. DH is an outdoors activity type, wanting to be on the move all day sightseeing, but whilst I like to briefly visit lovely towns and cities and rural villages etc, the wandering around looking aimlessly into gift shops and sitting in tired cafes is unappealing to me. I have a particular hatred for museums and model villages. I do like a hot abroad holiday with plenty of laying by the pool reading, but DH would rather die and anyway he doesn't fly.

I get pre holiday anxiety but always enjoy the holiday, so it’s slightly different. Italy is amazing though, so I hope you’re able to enjoy some of it. I find Claire Weekes audiobooks great for,calming my anxiety pre holiday.

I think you should think about it a bit more from the point of view of your family who haven’t been abroad since pre Covid. They are overdue a holiday they are looking forward to. You may have private reservations but I would try to put on a brave face. Fake it til you make it because the holiday will undoubtedly be enjoyable in part, even for you. And a positive attitude could make a big difference to everyone’s ability to have a good time.

Go with them, but they go on the trips, outings, day planned things and you stay in the hotel/villa and get your enjoyment there.

I’m the same and ironically have just returned from five days in Italy. I was dreading it as I hate leaving the cat! I really enjoyed it and once away relaxed. I hope you manage to have a lovely time and enjoy the food and gelato! x

Mn appears to be full of people who hate holidays, but feel compelled to go on them anyway. Just don’t go. I’m sure it’s no fun for the people going with you if you’re panicking about packing and catteries days before you go, and already fantasising about being home.

I think I’ve found my people! I’ve never admitted this to anyone as it sounds so ridiculous . It’s a relief to know others feel this way.
I love looking back on holidays and the memories we make but am always happiest on the trip home!

OP good for you for getting some boundaries/guard rails in place.

Maybe this is your opportunity to work out what you do like about holidays rather than what you don't.

Italy is so wonderful, amazing food.

I, like you, hate crowds and need a lot of decompression time from performing around people at work.

Finding a low key holiday type has been really important to me, one that gives me space and peace. (We have two teens so had to perfect the balance of holidays too)

I find the pre-holiday packing, getting the house ready to leave and leaving the animals at cattery etc is unbelievably stressful.
Are you doing all those things by yourself?

Fully understand. Was dreading our lovely holiday to the Caribbean (yep). Cab to Heathrow from South London and I was trying to get my breathing under control. Managed it by Battersea I think. Had the best holiday. Utterly amazing. Thing is, if I was going again tomorrow I’d still be in the same state. Just love familiarity. Love being at home. You’ll be fine. Deep breaths x

I know a couple of people who don’t enjoy holidays for similar reasons. They don’t go. You don’t have to either

Just taking a different approach here but my anxiety levels massively spiked over these things when I went through menopause. HRT helped hugely.

Did you always feel like this when you were travelling for work or is this more recent?

Well, for a start-don't do your dh's itinerary for him! He can do that with your 18 year old while you have coffee in bed and then they tell you want's happening!

Corfucrab is spot on. ☝️

Yes, of course, OP.
I feel you.
It's just me (45) and husband, no pets or kids.
I cannot be arsed about packing, the main anxiety comes from "what's gonna happen in the house"
when we are not here.
I have Asperger's, anxiety has gone much worse since 2020.
We don't work (landlords on a large scale) so it doesn't matter much, but the only thing we manage is a day out.
(Husband significantly older and easy going).

I experience this. Sometimes before and sometimes during a trip too. For me think it’s connected with responsibility for and worry about the DC (younger than yours)

In general and with travel I find avoidance of things worsens the anxiety.

Wouldn’t organise things for your H or doing loads every day. Would do things you enjoy. He can organise things for himself & / or do less.

i don’t think it’s that you need to not go on holiday , I think you need to approach differently how you go on holiday. Try the following this year

1. Pack only for yourself and pack simply
2. Don’t overdo getting the house ready . It’s a week so the only thing you really need to do is throw out fresh food and pour some bleach down the toilets
3. On hols when you husband says ok what are we doing today say , well my plan is to stroll around the village and read my book in the shade. If that doesn’t suit then let them off.
4. If they say anything then just say ‘look I’m really tired, this is my holiday too so I will go on a trip tomorrow but today I’m relaxing

We are so used to suiting everyone else and catering to their needs that we forget how to prioritise ourselves and your DD is well old enough to be left to her own devices and understand

I sympathise, I am the same. I tried the go without me too, but then they wouldn't go, so I take one for the team. I am horribly anxious before we go, I don't sleep, I get anxiety attacks.

I don't like leaving the house, the cat, the garden. I love my bed. My routine.

So my rules are, always to the same place in Italy, which I know and love. Club class BA, everything pre-booked, parking this end, taxis the other, etc. I have my own itinerary as it were. We breakfast together but then DH and the girls go off for the morning, I stay in the hotel at the beach, bliss. If they want a trip they go off without me. DH goes for lots of long walks, leaving us to read by the pool. It works really well.

Can you speak with them both and say you love spending time with them, but you have anxiety re the holiday that ends up spoiling your enjoyment. You go through things that could make it easier for you and say that if some aspects can't change, you're sorry but you won't be able to come again in future.

For starters, would these help:

Build in alone time
If DH wants to go through the itinerary each morning, he can do it with DD & away from you