Holiday tomorrow and already feeling pretty anxious

that level of stress would give me a heart attack I think, quite unfair to put that on you

Yanbu @SkylarkDay. I do find it all quite stressful and wish i didn't. I used to love holidays, but have felt burnt out with lots of life stresses so sometime a holiday just feels too much. But teen dc is obviously keen so am currently planning a few this year!

I genuinely think it’s the flying now after reading your update. Try the ferry the next time and you can even bring your pets. It’s worth a shot and I absolutely loved it. I couldn’t believe the difference.

You could also get some Xanax for the flight from your doctor.

Good luck x

I'm the same OP. I have had so many bad experiences with things going wrong on holiday, wallets and kids going missing etc that it fills me with dread. What's this year's drama going to be? Its getting easier as they grow more independent but the stress has stayed with me. If I confess I don't like it people tend to think I'm being a spoilt brat because I am so lucky I can afford to go and totally miss the point.

I don't think its helpful people saying just don't go. It's a family holiday and it would be selfish not to go. Here is what i do to reduce stress. I schedule a lot of time for myself on holiday, I take a half day 'off' where I suit myself maybe once or twice. That gives me something to plan and look forward to. It could be simply reading my book for a few hours undisturbed. I also go on Google Street View and familiarise myself with the area, it gives me comfort when things look familiar. I also usually book a night away in a hotel by myself before the holiday, i take a 24 hour break from life where the phone is mostly off. Usually within 2 hours drive home to make it easy. This varies, sometimes I go to nature, hiking etc but last year I went to a nearby tourist town and did all the cliche tourist things. This little mini break makes a massive difference to my mental state before the big holiday. My dh is like yours OP and exhausts me, but I am very clear with him now that if we are going to x place when I'd rather do Y, its on condition I get this time alone and I lay out my terms. He understands and let's me do my own thing a lot.

You're not alone, I could have written something very similar. Lots of past work travel, different ways we like to spend our leisure time. I hate crowds and travel schedules, giving me more anxiety than it used to. Dh has heath issues which make travel more difficult. Married over 25 years. We now holiday a different way to how we once did which is absolutely fine for us. You'll have to keep adapting to make things work for you all, or at least you and your DH.

Sorry but I think your DH needs to rein in his expectations. He is allowed to be like he is BUT you are allowed to be like you are. I don't do holidays anymore for various reasons and I don't miss them. The packing and the unpacking used to drive me nuts

I love going on holiday but I do count the sleeps till we come back - I even shorten it so the last day counted is the day before we actually come home. I ensure I have time for myself alone normally under the guise of a couple of hours sleep (which generally means drinking coffee and reading my book in silence). DH uses that time to go and explore. Important you all do things you need to.

That's what I'd do.

If you aren't going to opt out completely, and fwiw I really don't see why they can't go just the two of them, a busy city break in what I presume will be quite hot weather isn't your kind of thing. There are compromise options.

You could go in May or early October, if you dislike heat and you're going to somewhere in Europe that'll be hot now. Choose accommodation located somewhere that's not too busy but also has day out options they can do without you. Could even be somewhere that people book excursions and get collected.

Your dh needs to understand its YOUR holiday too. He has ds to do things with.

@fancylemons

the same smells?! Why would smells be an issue?

I find the travelling bit quite stressful. This is largely due to DH who loves to be late and can't stand waiting. He wants to be diving through the closing doors of a train rather than standing on a platform for 10 minutes. It drives me up the wall.

I take propranolol for a few days before holiday and that helps massively

edited to say it's not flying I dislike it's travelling!

@Nevernottrying

thats really sad! Why are you desperate to get home?

Exactly so! With the covid situation and personal matters I've not been on a proper holiday for 5 years and can't wait to do something later in the year! Why is packing, getting the house ready to leave, putting the cat in the cattery so stressful, not being nasty just don't see what's stressful about it.

I feel the same but I have young kids. We have a 7 day holiday booked for August. I already am looking forward to coming home.

I think it’s more the routines. You know what you have and what to expect. The same smells.

Or stop at home and don't spoil their holiday!

All those people who say they love their home, love their home comforts - what exactly do you mean? What is it you miss so much? What ‘home comforts’ are you meaning exactly? Genuinely curious!

i mean I love my home but I love holidays- my house is still gonna be there where I get back and travelling the world is like the best thing ever!

I totally understand and hope you grab some moments for yourself during this holiday.

I have to say I always dread holidays too, it’s about day 3 of the holiday that I calm down and get into the rhythm of it, after all the stress building up to it.

However, this year we went on a ferry to France and I cannot even begin to explain the difference. I had the best holiday of my life ever. It was so stress free compared to flying, I actually enjoyed being away. I feel amazing after coming home!

I think this must be what other people feel on holidays all the time.

My advice is to try different types of holidays and see if you can find one that you actually like. It might be the flying that’s causing the stress to you.

All the best x

I love holidays once I'm there, but find the run up so anxiety inducing - which makes it so unpleasant

No tips I'm afraid, but you aren't alone!

I agree with your DH and DD - one last us-three holiday before she goes to uni is a special event, especially as they've been together without you before and she's specially asked for your company. Focus on how lovely that is, the end of an era.

Do your own packing exactly as you like it, take your books, your music and anything you like to do to relax.

Let the other two adults sort themselves out. Tune out their chaos. They'll do it their way.

If as you say you are ND yourself, you have your own particular needs just as much as they do and they should respect them as you've been doing for them all these years.

Make it clear that for you a holiday is to relax. If he asks you what's the itinerary tell him exactly what YOU plan to do, and if that's chilling by the pool, exploring, whatever, say so. Then ask him what HIS itinerary is. It is not your job to plan their day. You don't have to spend every minute glued together especially if it's hot (my idea of hell, tbh). Maybe you'll find some plans in common, so do that together. Separate out for the bits you don't want to do. All come together for dinner in the evening, show photos and talk about your day.

Have a lovely trip. And leave early, if you're going on the train cos it's Sunday.

Hiking in Norway and Austria sound lovely, done both and definitely our type of holidays. A couple of years ago, since DS are older and no longer holiday with us, DH and I got a micro 2 person pop top caravan. We've been going away to scenic countryside in the UK on hiking trips. But have some comforts in there and have made it a little 'home from home'. I love it and like you prefer quiet holidays in countryside.