To dislike children's birthday parties?

If it’s a class party and not one of their close friends I think giving £5 is fine and maybe a bag of sweets. I’d give £10 for their close friends and probably more once they are abit older and no longer get invited to everyone’s party.

I love organising parties but hate making small talk, it will be much better when they are older and can just drop and go. It’s only a small amount of time and makes them so happy.

OP, I’m autistic too and it feels like many posters in here aren’t recognising the level of difficulty for us to socialise- ahem- hence we are diagnosed. and today we need to put the kids’ needs and interests first, well I’m sure that happens every day.

for me- I don’t say yes to every party. I can’t. Or a melt down occurs and that’s far worse. I do say yes to their close friends. Find modifications that work. Ear plugs. Movement breaks- getting the water bottle, or checking in with your kid, limiting times. My Dh is autistic too and has greater difficulty than me, so i tell him that I often need some time to recharge afterwards while he handles the kids.

If you are friendly with a few of them then can you organise rota so you take each others children and only need to do one in 3 for eg? They’re a bind for everyone so I’m sure others would like a chance to skip a few as well.

I don’t mind them. I think the entertainment payback for the cost of a present is actually pretty good. Taking the kids to soft play and feeding them there would cost a lot more than a party, for example. Obviously staying at home is cheaper but generally weekends with a party or two cost us less than weekends that don’t! And I generally don’t mind chatting to other parents. Most of them are nice people. But I appreciate that’s a very NT view!

So do I - don't remember the ones I didn't go to, though.

I am not sure many parents actually enjoy the parties.

Around here, £10 is about right. It's seen as VERY rude to drop and run at that age.

Try to see it another way: it's entertainment for your child, you get to see them having fun - which you don't get to see when they are at school and you are at work.

You don't like chitchat? Just take photos. Take photos of your own child, and try to get photos of every single other child, then plonk them on the whatsap group, with pics of the cake. Sorted.

Try not to be so miserable.

Round my way, £5 is the upper limit to the budget - kids get £5 in a card or something like a sticker book/craft set/drawing pad+felts. If I were you, I'd cut the present budget in half.

You say you're matey with some of the parents already?

Now granted, I do have an autistic child, but if a parent I knew said to me "I'm finding this too much because of my sensory issues, can you watch Luke while I go for a walk/sit in the car for a bit?" then I would happily help.

Some hall parties might also have some quieter bits like the kitchen that you can hang out in while "being on call" for your child, so long as your child and another parent knows where you are.

Yep, hate them as well!

All the standing around, making polite chitchat with people I have ZERO interest in chitchatting with, getting wildly overstimulated with all the noise and running around.

Fortunately, my 2 are coming up for 8 on their next birthday, and I'm just starting to notice a turn to small gatherings for the closest friends only, which are much calmer. Rather than the manic 20-30 kids of their first few years in school.

I usually smile, say hello and do the pleasantries. Then I put my headphones on and listen to a podcast. I'm not really listening to anything but it dulls out the noise, people stop talking to me and I watch my child while pretending.

I mean this kindly but it’s not about whether you like them or not. It’s about the children. Most children love parties, having fun with their friends and surely a nice part of parenting is seeing our children happy and enjoying themselves?
Maybe spend a little less on the presents if you have 3 in a row.

I can completely get that, I am NT and its a bit of a sensory overload. Apart from parties I always tried to avoid softplay, I'd rather go to a park in the rain than go to soft play! 🤣

As an aside you can get soft play for adults now and I would not find it appealing at all!

Totally with you there op. Soft play is hell under any circumstances. And DC often end up with some lurgy afterwards. It's ok if you want to swerve. An invitation is just that; it's not an obligatory summons. And for now, you are in charge of accepting or declining. Missing the odd party here or there is not going to turn your son in to a social pariah.

No way are you being unreasonable. For a few years I did discos for children’s birthday parties. Whilst I still found children’s birthday parties more enjoyable than weddings, they were a lot of work for a few hours and I was just setting up equipment, playing music, doing party games and taking equipment down. Felt like I didn’t stop from the minute I arrived.

I used to have to go and chill out for the remainder of the day and sometimes have a nap afterwards. I was in my 20s at the time 😂

I remember parties I went to as a kid

soft play aka hell on earth.

Good luck op

Could you just not bother? Who will remember in a year.

You definitely need some earplugs! They make the office so much less intense for me.

Oh and my husband will take him more than me. He loves talking to the mams and nans that go.

I do understand that argument yes. The other parent if available should be helping as much as possible

Not everyone does want to make friends with other parents though. I never had the slightest bit of interest in doing that. My kids had 14 years of this between the oldest being 5 and the youngest 7. And I've managed to escape having to hang around with people who merely gave birth around the same time.

I had loads of friends but none of them through kids. And kids never missed our due to it. Always plenty of invites etc

Hardly an interrogation to enquire if there is another parent and if so why they can't share the load.

Although I appologise sincerely if that's how any of my posts came across. Either way the point still stands that if the child has two parents which these children fortunately do then surely then other parent can help lighten the mental load particularly if it's clear that one parent is struggling like the OP is.