To dislike children's birthday parties?

I mean, it sort of us is a wall for me. Of course if someone approaches me and chats I will immediately put the book down and respond, I'm not rude! However ultimately I don't go to a kids party to make friends.

Not sure why you're linking it to parents who say they are lonely etc as surely that's two completely different groups of people. Im certainly not lonely, that's kind of the point actually - I already have friends, so I'm not bothered about networking at parties. If I didn't have friends then it would be different, and I'd make more of an effort, I suppose. But I don't need to. I have loads of connections, they're just not mostly the other parents at the huge number of parties I've now been to for my reception age child. Reading a book at some parties certainly hasn't stopped me from making/having friends.

I don't mind the social side of it, I actually quite like that. But I struggle with the effect on the whole day - the whining of "when is it the party? Can we go yet? Is it time yet?" and then the actual party where most of the children seem to get over excited and then there's tears and fall outs, or they fall over and hurt themselves on an overcrowded bouncy castle, and all they eat is sugar, then they come home and have an emotional meltdown because you set boundaries on them wanting to eat the entire contents of the party bag, and so it goes on. I find it hard work and my DD in particular just gets a bit overwhelmed by it all.

I do one my husband does the next- are you stuck doing them all yourself?

Buy books as a birthday present. The Wprks usually have good deals on kids books. 3 for 2.

Hey, fellow person on the spectrum!

I'd say:

1. it gets easier. I now alternate parties with another parent and her angelic child.
2. it's fine to bring your phone / take yourself off to a chair on the side and just watch the kids playing after 10 minutes of small talk
3. £10 per present is high imo. Something from the Argos 2 for £10 is fine; a small Lego set is fine (£7 or less); something practical like a water bottle is fine; a book and a chocolate bar is fine. Basically, if you want a mission I'd aim to find decent presents at a lower price. My personal aim is stuff which is either fungible (baking kits etc) or high playability but small (mini Lego set).

Do keep alternating with your partner in the meantime.

I posted earlier then didn't have a chance to finish my message. You have put it so kindly much better than me.

Glad it worked out ok today and being able to share the load with this week’s parties at least. I’m a fairly sociable person but still find it hit and miss as to whether hit it off with the other parents or just end up sitting awkwardly on my phone or pretending to read the menu/leaflets etc and even whether my DC even enjoys it (or refuses to join in the games etc). Some end up being great and some a miserable experience. The cost too 😑 we easily spend £40-50 a month on presents etc which is no small amount to us but at the same time we would maybe spend £10 on a day out/food that day otherwise and important socially (argos 2 for £15 deals great) I would say don’t feel you have to accept every invite (if every parent accepted invites to my children’s parties we would be bankrupt, I count on some declining!) and also if it feels too much for you at the party don’t feel bad about sitting aside from the other parents and scrolling on your phone. If another parent needed to work on their laptop or didn’t want to socialise it really wouldn’t bother me as either the host or another parent. I’d just be concerned they they were ok so might ask but then can just say really important work project to complete or family thing need to organise etc

Definitely not considered acceptable to drop off child at 4 to any parties I’ve been to over the last 30 years (and have lived in several parts of the country) I would be horrified if hosted a party for 4 year olds and all the parents just came and dropped off. Usually acceptable from around 7 (sometimes 6) especially if being hosted at home but most of the parents usually stay if at play centre etc but a few after 7 may ask if ok to leave them or parents sometimes make it clear they’re happy with this but no way at 4 😱

I think dropping off from age 4 is fine if your child is fine with it. Just tell them that is all you cam do. Most parents of birthday kids prefer the ones who drop off.

I actively like them. I love seeing my child happy playing and am quite content chatting to other parents or joining in with the activities on offer if that's appropriate. Don't get me wrong if some aspect of the party isn't right for us (e.g. if the timing makes it hard work to get there) then I don't love the faff before or after but I enjoy the party itself.

@Fivebyfive2 It is kind of a wall, for people I'm not already chatty with. I imagine like many mums of young kids, I'm bloody exhausted, I've not had a full night sleep in 5 years, and a kids party is one of the rare times I'm not working, being climbed on, or breastfeeding! And yes, I'm medicated for diagnosed anxiety.

I also take crafts to the park after school (if no playdate) and while travelling for work - I try to steal back some time when I'm being sent to Europe and back in a day, etc.

Sometimes I'm not up to pulling my end of engaging chit chat, it saves both me and the other person my extremely disjointed conversation! I chat with the mums and dads every day, I prompt and accept and host playdates, but I'm not a social butterfly.

@NanananananananaBATman I’m sorry some posters have been rude about you being neurodivergent. Really unkind.

I am also ND and used to find the parties so incredibly stressful when mine were little. It’s not the same as being something you would rather not do, it actually left me feeling like I might have a panic attack, or I would have to make an excuse to leave and walk around alone for a few minutes.

Like OP, I put myself through it over and over again for the sake of my DC, but it’s dreadfully draining.

It would just seem to me like a "wall" that make me feel awkward about knowing if I could try and approach/make conversation. Same with the book @WhyamInotvomiting .

I don't know, I mean people can do what makes them comfortable but I just find it a bit odd when so many parents say they struggle with feeling lonely, have no village etc then so many just don't want to engage at all, it's like well it's no wonder people aren't making connections.

I wouldn't consider that rude at a children's party, where the adult isn't actually invited. You're only there because you have to help supervise your own child, you're not actually in attendance at the party! Me and DH often take a book to read at parties.

@Fivebyfive2@MasterBeth I'm actually really surprised to hear this! The mums who know me (and me them) by name rather than 'ds name mum' already know I will put my stuff away if they appear - we're social in general and arrange things with the kids and message etc.

For the others - why would you specifically care that a woman who was, just like you, not invited but obligated to attend an event for their child, is sat quietly occupying herself and bothering no one instead of trying to make small talk with you? Do you feel we should all be obligated to socialise with strangers?

@Blessedbethefruitz agreed with this, taking a craft to a kids party is definitely not polite in my book. I'm amazed you can concentrate on it anyway with kids running around and everything?!

My sil comes to family gatherings (I'm talking casual food with about 6 people) and knits. We mostly just affectionately think she's batty, but sometimes it is just rude.

I understand. I feel awkward at these events. I do like seeing the children having fun but I would actually prefer to scroll my phone or read a book in the car!

I would be a bit annoyed if a parent did this, would much rather they just declined the invitation. It’s a lot of responsibility looking after someone else’s 5 year old and even more challenging when you don’t know the child very well. While also trying to host the party and care for your own child, I would maybe say ok if put on the spot but massively resent what should of been a special day for us spoilt by the stress of the extra responsibility (have happily hosted drop off parties for 8-9 year olds but that is totally different and spent weeks psyching myself up for that) please please don’t do this to another parent!!!!

This! My eldest is reception, I really hope parties start becoming drop-off next year. I'm also autistic and generally hate them. I already have friends, so not bothered about making new ones. I find small talk tortuous and whilst the parents seem nice enough, I don't seem to have much in common with any that I've met so far with the exception of one couple that DH and I both seem to have gelled a bit better with. They are the parents of my kid's closest mate at school and live really nearby too so that's worked out pretty handy so far. It's also just such a waste of our time sitting around for hours at parties when we have so much we could be doing. I would actually have been fine for people to drop off at my child's party as there were lots of adults from family/family friends and not a huge group of kids, and not a large venue, which I did tell the parents, but they all stayed.

Did you read the bit where OP said she was neurodiverse and close to burnout?

Good point!

Maybe go to a few less than you are invited to as a middle ground. It's a good chance to get to know the other children in the class and their parents.

There happened to be a couple of pretty violent kids in my child's year and pretty much always bloodshed at the parties! The parents of the violent kids always did drop and run even for four year olds. So it seemed sensible for me to be there in case my dd ever got on the wrong end of the bad behaviour. She never did though so maybe I was just PFB.

This is unnecessary. Have you read any of OPs replies?