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Original poster

To dislike the tradition of baking your own birthday cake?

79 replies

Rizzo8 · 28/06/2024 18:49

I say this because I used to live in Spain where it was expected that you would bake your own cake.

Now I have a partner who does the same because he comes from a Nordic country where it's also the norm. We have discussed moving there and one of my main gripes is the thought of a lifetime of baking my own cake!

No matter how chaotic life is my birthday is one day where people spoil me with a nice meal/cake/event. I do the same for others
Essentially where I have to worry about nothing. Am I being a grumpy for thinking this way?

OP posts:
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Ponderingwindow · 29/06/2024 19:13

Just tell your partner that you need him to make or buy you a cake for your birthday regardless of what country you happen to be in at the time.

hopscotcher · 29/06/2024 19:12

Blimey, lol, I love my birthday but have never bought or made myself a cake. If I'm lucky a mate gets me one from the Co op 😀 I think I need to raise my expectations.

ILoveToCleanSaidNooneEver · 29/06/2024 19:08

Also, for extra ambience, play MacArthur Park when you serve it.

ILoveToCleanSaidNooneEver · 29/06/2024 18:58

Just make the worse cake you've ever made. Add salt instead of sugar, don't use eggs and just plate the slop up on a beautiful cake stand. Nobody will expect you to do it again 😁

Stainglasses · 29/06/2024 18:49

I’ve got this situation and I live in the UK. No one brings / bakes or buys me a birthday cake. It’s actually completely fine! I hadn’t realised

dudsville · 29/06/2024 18:44

There are so many cultures, within cultures, within cultures. Where I am in England, it's expected that a person takes a cake or something to work on one's own birthday. I've always thought that was crass, and I guess this is because my famiily did not follow that notion, so I just don't mark my birthday at work, which is fine. If this tradition was within my family... I guess I would just go without, that's ok. But here's what I do. I like a certain chocolate cake that a shop do really well. My partner buys it and I have a first slice on my birthday morning with a cup of strong black coffee. So, that's a long winded way of saying, find a way to have your fun OP!

Staplerandstappler · 29/06/2024 18:28

Buy one.

Rough it up a bit.

”Yes, of course I baked it”

Zwicky · 29/06/2024 18:27

I don’t understand what the cake is for? Are you expected to host a party? Will people pop round for cake throughout the day? Is it to eat after your dinner? Has it got candles on?

Even more than that I don’t understand why you don’t just say “it’s my birthday and I don’t want a cake”, or “where I’m from the cake is given as a gift, not made by the birthday person” or “I am going to buy a cake from a shop as per my own traditions”.

NewName24 · 29/06/2024 18:26

ByCupidStunt · 28/06/2024 18:53

It's not a legal requirement though.

If you don't want to go live in another country then dont go. But for fucks sake dont say you're not going because you might be expected to provided a cake. You'll sound like a loon.

This.

I mean, whether you even have a cake; whether you buy it or bake it; if you do, who makes it; are all totally personal to you and your dp. That doesn't matter if you live in Spain, the UK, whichever Nordic country your dp is from, or somewhere else altogether.

Hoppinggreen · 29/06/2024 18:14

betterangels · 28/06/2024 19:11

Oh, what I wouldn't give to just have Chinese food at Christmas. I'll have to suggest that.

Show quote history

We go out for a curry on Christmas Day

Notreat · 29/06/2024 18:12

It isn't expected that everyone has to make their own birthday cake in Spain! I have Spanish family and they don't feel obliged to make their own birthday cakes.
Maybe it was just a tradition where you were or in your group or friends or family?

DinnaeFashYersel · 29/06/2024 18:08

You don't want to move to a country because it has a tradition of cake baking?

Riapia · 29/06/2024 18:06

I’ve never had a birthday cake since before I left school.

babadumm · 29/06/2024 18:00

trextape · 29/06/2024 17:58

@babadumm Many UK traditions feel like a huge drag to me

like what out of interest

I guess things like decorating the xmas tree, sunday roast, loads more... Maybe not uk traditions (I get the feeling you're trying to catch me out but maybe I'm being too cynical) but certainly things my DH's family / region do

trextape · 29/06/2024 17:58

@babadumm Many UK traditions feel like a huge drag to me

like what out of interest

babadumm · 29/06/2024 17:55

AgentJohnson · 29/06/2024 07:22

This seems like a pretty strange hill to die on.

I have never congratulated someone other than the birthday person, on their birthday. It s custom in the Netherlands to congratulate the parents and immediate family of the birthday person. It’s just plain weird and I can’t get on board with the custom. Thankfully I am a Brit, not just any foreigner and thus my non participation in this custom is not questioned.

Actually that makes perfect sense to me! I always feel like parents (especially the mother) should be celebrated on birthdays as well for the birth, but I also understand sometimes people just want their own special day

babadumm · 29/06/2024 17:54

Most Spanish/Nordic/whatever people probably have lovely cosy memories of their parents or whoever helping them bake their Very Own Cake on their birthdays from young. You don't have those lovely associations so it just feels like a shitty chore to you.

Many UK traditions feel like a huge drag to me because I wasn't brought up here, and vice versa for my DH and my country's traditions (which warm my heart even to do alone!)

AllTipAndNoIceberg · 29/06/2024 17:50

YABU to use “grumpy” as a noun

DerekFaker · 29/06/2024 17:46

Amazondeliverydriver · 28/06/2024 18:52

On a slightly different note, but similar, what’s with taking your own cakes into work when it’s your birthday, or when you’re leaving a job? I never understood that either.
I’m with you OP.

Oh, same. Really weird. In fact, when I first started in the civil service, I didn't believe that was a real thing, so I didn't (to be fair, the colleague who.told me was a bit of an arse).

DoublePeonies · 29/06/2024 17:40

My birthday cake is one of the few times I haven't baked. These days, the kids (who, tbf, do occasionally make biscuits and flapjack) are tasked to make my cake. Previously DH made it. Most other weeks, I've made the cake.

Arlanymor · 29/06/2024 17:30

I don’t really like cake so I never have it on my birthday, whether I have baked it or someone/a shop has.

Alconleigh · 29/06/2024 17:27

Never baked a cake in my life. And wouldn't regardless of where I was living. Can't think this is a big issue.

Hankunamatata · 29/06/2024 17:14

Just buy one.

Daisy12Maisie · 29/06/2024 17:13

I've never baked a birthday cake.
For my birthday I buy one if I have family coming over. For my children's birthdays I buy them a cake.
Cakes for work are a thing. If you leave a team on your last day it's tradition to bring cakes. If you happen to mention it's your birthday at work then you are meant to bring in cakes eg doughnuts or something but not bake an actual cake.

AgentJohnson · 29/06/2024 07:22

This seems like a pretty strange hill to die on.

I have never congratulated someone other than the birthday person, on their birthday. It s custom in the Netherlands to congratulate the parents and immediate family of the birthday person. It’s just plain weird and I can’t get on board with the custom. Thankfully I am a Brit, not just any foreigner and thus my non participation in this custom is not questioned.