To feel insulted and hurt...

I'd resent someone who hit me and smashed up my home. Wouldn't you?

He's 17 and old enough to know much, much better.

ETA Anyway, the main problem is with his father.

U sound resentful of his son and like you expect a child to be grateful for being given a home and the basics at the expense of you and your children you both sound like teenagers poor stepson prob doesn't know weather he coming or going when his very existence and presence is from what you say detested by you little wonder he has behaviour issues given how you are behaving being an adult doesn't make you right

What part of this is causing you issues of comprehension??? It's pretty damn clear to me!!

"Three weeks ago; DP raised that he feels I am not intimate enough with him. Again turned into an argument. I tried to explain - I have endometriosis; which is so severe even the University Hospital surgeons won't do a Hysterectomy - I am waiting for a review from a surgeon 3 hours from where I live. The endo leaves me in horrendous pain most of the month; which worsens after being intimate (he knows all of this and has been to the appointments). Of course I am hesitant... it hurts!! When I explained this.. he said "hugging you is like hugging a corpse.. I get nothing back"

He is trying to pressurise and coerce her into sex when it causes her agony!!!!

Where does it say he preassures her for sex? He said its like cuddling a dead corpse, that isn't sex, its just wanting some affection and if a woman was asking for more affection no one would think there was anything wrong with that.

There's nothing to say that he thinks his son should rule the roost either. OP would be well withing her rights to respond saying that she doesn't want DS living there due to his behaviour.

As for asking him to leave, very odd that came out in the comments, it doesn't tie up with the original post which said she was trying her best and was hurt by his comments.

If she wants him to leave instead of trying her best for him and getting upset she should just respond to his comments saying there's no affection because as I've said I don't want to be with you and no it won't feel like his home because I have told you to leave. No apologies needed from her for sharing those views either and enforcing what she wants.

The OP saying she was trying her best indicates she wants the relationship to work, hence my advice that for it to work they both need to be able to share their feelings and discuss their needs without having to apologise.

I think you should go and find something else to do because your comments on here are so left of field and basically contributing nothing. This situation is well past anyone expressing how they feel, particularly the OP who isn't being heard at all when she tries!!

Oh fucking hell, of course you are in the minority and that is because you are wrong!!!

In what world is it ok to treat your partner like this bastard is treating the OP? And his son has hit her, and trashed his room in her house?!!! He's insistent on shagging her even though he knows it causes her immense pain!!!

What a stupid, stupid post!!

The police may help you get him out. Feeling like you do in yuri own home is disgusting.. They both sound horrific.

Did you even read the rest of it?

I have a 17yo SS and yes he has a key to the house, but if he behaved like OPs SS I wouldn't let him have one.

Get the pair of them out OP. They are treating you like a mug.

And they are both expressing their thoughts and feelings. He is expressing his thoughts that his son should be allowed to rule the roost, depending on his moods, and that he should be able to have sex whenever he likes and the OP should just shut up about how much it hurts. And the OP has expressed that she does not want to be in the relationship anymore.

And just like he has done, you have completely ignored the feelings that she has expressed and have gone straight to how to improve the situation for him, by encouraging the OP to ignore her own feelings and work on a relationship she doesn’t want to be in.

This isn’t a male versus female thing, you’re right. It’s about a bully versus someone who doesn’t have the confidence to kick his arse out of her home and her life.

You can use the fact that 'his feelings' are valid, but yours are too, and ultimately they do not align, so there really isnt any future for the relationship.

This turns it back to him using his own argument. And ultimately you dont need permission or for him to agree to end the relationship - I know it takes two to decide to start one, but it only needs one person to end it.

Plus it is your home. If you no longer want to be in a relationship with him, then he doesn not have any right to live there with you.

No, the sons behaviour isn't okay, but that wasn't the OPs question. As I said both she and her partner should be able to express how they feel. It's nothing to do with which of the couple are male or female.

A 17 year old not having a key to the house he lives in isn’t right imo. I’d have given him a key long ago. It probably doesn’t feel very much like home if he can’t come and go independently.

The far bigger issue is your partner bullying you about intimacy- absolutely awful and unforgivable behaviour on his part, don’t put up with that. I really hope you find a solution to your endometriosis soon and when you do you go on and enjoy your life without this utter cunt. You’d be much happier without him I’m sure.

Oh op sorry he's such an arsehole.

If it's solely your house I would change the locks, and tell him a time where they can take their shit and go. Have family or police presence as this happens.

Have you got family or friends who can be with you as you ask him to pack and leave immediately?

OP, this is a bonkers situation
What’s in the relationship for you?
Do you even like him?
He sounds awful.
A firm “this isn’t working for me and DCs anymore, I’d like you both to leave by X” would be a start.

Ask him to leave. If he won’t then call the Police. He is 100% using you and you are letting him (sorry).
You don’t want your dc thinking that you can be treated this way and that it’s ok. DS is not your child and if your relationship was great then I think you would put up with it, but please don’t.

So he treats you like a skivvy, can say whatever he likes regardless of your feelings and allows his son to verbally and physically abuse you and you haven't thrown him to the kerb yet?

Go read the thread about the GFs "dramatic response" to OPs son's behaviour. And then take some inspiration from the GF because she wouldn't put up with half of what you are.

Kick him and his son out. Let him pay for everything and deal with his sons behaviour. Stop taking the brunt of it and exposing your children to that behaviour.

This.
When you talk to him, change the words you use. Don't say "I want to break up"
Say " I am breaking up with you. You have 28 days to get out".

Tell him you want him out and give him a date. Follow this up with text and email saying the same thing. If he then acts like nothing is different go along with that for an easier life but in your head know you are serious. When the date comes you change the locks and when he tries to get in you refuse- call the police if you are scared. Have his stuff boxed up and outside so you don't have to answer the door. And consider arranging sleepovers for your own kids that day so they are not there for any drama.

The thing that gave me the strength to end an abusive relationship was thinking of my children. My own father wasn't abusive but he treat my mum like the maid and I witnessed no affection between them. I never learnt what a healthy relationship looked like and so ended up accepting abuse and not seeing it was abuse until I'd tied myself to him with a child. The thought I was set my own daughter up to be treated as I was and her think this is acceptable because I accepted it was a huge part of the strength I needed to end it. So think of your children if you can't do this for yourself then ask yourself why they are ranked under abusive men in your house

Tell him they need to be gone this weekend or you call the police. And mean it, call them.

OP please end this abusive relationship. I'm gobsmacked you've let it carry on this long. Thank god you aren't married to the scumbag.

He'll try every trick in the book to make you back down. But you don't have to justify your decision to him. All that twaddle about his feelings - OMG what a self-centred arsehole!

Oh dear. Life is too short - go be happy this is not making you happy.

Ending a relationship isn't a joint decision. You don't need him to agree to it or like it. You need to give him clear instructions to leave and then involve the police if he doesn't.

You sound extremely passive in this situation, involving your happiness, your house and your children. What kind of message is your daughter receiving about relationships and male violence? That's going to affect her forever unless you step up and model what good boundaries look like.

You are in the very fortunate position that he has no claim to your home. Capitalise on that good fortune by telling him (not asking) to leave. On the moving out date, box up his shit and tell him to shift it or you will dispose of it. By accommodating this twat, you’ve enabled him.

Yes his tactic is working - ignore YOUR feelings and carry on. I hope you have family that can support you. He will continue to ignore you. It’s worked for him in the past - he’s abused you emotionally - change the locks - none of the buggers can get in then!!