To feel insulted and hurt...

Have you ever considered putting his balls in a vice and asking him how horny he feels then......??!

He is entitled to opinions and feelings... but you are entitled not to want to live with them.

Would you want to do anything to him that gave you great pleasure while causing him great pain?

Time for that row of ducks?

What are the upsides to this relationship?

I know this is an old post but I hope OP got rid of this awful leeching man and is ok. It sounded like she was scared of him

I do understand OP, I'm in a similar situation. When the other person just refuses to acknowledge that you have spoken it leaves you frustrated and feeling like you are going crazy..
But you know in your heart that at some point you have to set yourself free. When you tell him that you want him gone be ready for his manipulation and trying to throw it back on you. Maybe practise the wording and simply refuse to get into a discussion, just repeat that you want him out of your life and your house.
I'm guessing that you don't have a strong friend ready to be there with you?
Possibly you could visit a solicitor, or CAB beforehand to be sure of your legal position. Having something in writing could help you feel stronger and more able to resist his twisting of your words.
Wish I had more practical advice to give you, but if I knew how to get out of a relationship like this I wouldn't also be stuck!
You have been given some good advice by women who have been through it, please do think long and hard about your way forward. Know what you want and believe you can do it xx

OP, please speak to Women's Aid and the Police today to help you get them out.
Just get out the house to a quiet place (so this man does not overhear) and call Women's Aid and then see the Police.

You do NOT have to live like this. You owe this man and his son NOTHING. You have paid for everything, been hit and abused and your 2 DCs have also suffered- removing their playroom to accommodate the son, the DCs having to live in such a miserable atmosphere.
Think of your DCs and think of your self.

What has this man brought to your life but misery? I cannot see one example of where he has contributed or paid you back for supporting him and his son. Where is the son's mother in all this? She can take him back.

Call Women's Aid for advice on how to get him out.

I wish I was in England, I would offer to come to your house and help to chuck his stuff out and change the locks!

On a serious note, well done for making this decision to bin him, make it THIS TIME that you follow through. Call Women's Aid and the police to assist you to make this happen.

Meal ticket. perfectly said. Get rid asap. When will you finally act then hun? So what would it take? For his DS to hit your daughter instead of hitting you? Get rid. Pack his crap. Dump it on the front garden and change the locks.

Hi op, you are right its time now for big changes. I have two disabled young girls but my eh is really supportive and hands on both practically and financially. I cannot imagine what life is like for you and your girls with these two abusive males. Luckily you own the house completely so from a practical point of view this is straightforward but I imagine you are very scared and I think you need sœur real life support to make them leave safely. I personally think that due to the fact there are disabled children and violence is involved I think it is a police matter and you should ask then for help and advice.

Explain that you need to sit down with him and share how you feel. That you don't feel your opinions and feelings count for anything either.

Write a list of things you want to talk about. If he interrupts at any point just remind him that he needs to listen to them fully first.

He needs to remember that we learn together. Simba being hit over the head hurt, that's why he learnt to move out of the way. We change our behaviours and grow as people. He is entitled to his opinions and feelings but you're entitled to disagree. And your feelings/opinions are equally valid. In the case of your house he has a 20% say and you have an 80% say. He may wish for his DS to have a key but the final decision is yours.

When I choose what to wear to an event, my DH has an opinion (which I value because he has a great eye) but the decision is ultimately mine (even if he's usually right, dammit!).

Your reply needs to be that you will listen to his arguments but the decision is ultimately yours and he needs to RESPECT that.

Making comments like "hugging you is like hugging a corpse.. I get nothing back" whilst pestering OP for sex, having sat in on Doctor's appointment and hearing how painful it is for her -
is one of the most hurtful and cruel comments made by someone to their partner that I've read on MN.
Abusive.

Several people are saying to think of the Op's daughter - the Op has 2 children:
' my two DC are both Autistic '
yes she has said re one - her dd is 10, hasn't given detail of her other child who may or may not be younger than 10.

Stop calling him DP. You don’t want to be in a relationship with this man and you need to cement it in your head that this man is not your partner, dear/darling or otherwise.

You don’t have to say it out loud, if you’re not ready. But in your head, and on here, he’s your ex and it’s safe to say it.

And please contact Women’s Aid. Your life isn’t your own. You need help getting it back.

Are you still reading op?
Speak to women's aid and the ring the police. My own son had become my oppresser in my house where I paid for everything and he gamed 24/7. He shouted and screamed at people online, screamed at me that there was no food (there was), he was intimidating, threatening, made MORE mess when I asked him to be tidy, screamed louder when I said your sister is studying.

I got him out of the house with the help of the police. I have no regrets. I wish things had been different but I cannot be subjected to this crap again. I left his father 18 years ago.

If my son is an angry man who hates me for not being the doormat he wants me to be, well, it's not what I dreamt of when I held him in my arms when he was a baby, but I'm not enduring a total lack of respect AGAIN.

If he hates me, that's sad, but letting him live with me screaming at me didn't make him respect me, so either way, he hated me at least this way, I have peace.

Call the police. Do. They will help you. It's your decision to end this relationship and get your home back for you and yr daughter.

It’s been said here and your other thread; get some legal advice and speak to Women’s aid. You are not in a relationship, you are being milked for money and a place to live the gaslighted when you object. Don’t even engage with his comments. I realise it’s hard because you are exhausted and unwell but you will be less unwell once this stress behind you.

This! ⬆️

I think you need to stop thinking of you, your dp and dss and start thinking about your daughter. She has been at the bottom of the pile for long enough. You need to start putting her first because it isn't fair what you have exposed her to.
I am not buying the feeble 'he won't leave' nonsense. You just don't like confrontation, so accept it when he ignores what you are saying. Think of your daughter and the shit she's had to witness and find enough strength to repeat that you want him and his son out.
I've said it before on here but there is a type of woman who will place a new partner and his child/ren above her own in a desperate attempt to show him how nice she is. Stop being one of those women.

He is gaslighting you and is always going to come back at you trying to turn it back on you when you try to end the relationship. Face it, you are a handy meal ticket for him and his DS and he is hardly giving that up voluntarily. You need to take control, tell him enough is enough, the relationship usn’t working out and they have a week to find alternative living arrangements. And if they haven’t by then stick their bags on the doorstep and change the locks

Is there someone you can get to come over when you tell him he needs to move him and his son out?

You need to get out. There are charities you can call or even the police.

Ring them and tell them about the incident with his son.
You don't have to press charges but explain you don't feel safe and want them both out.
Change locks when they're out and have the police waiting when they get back.
Good luck OP. You deserve better.

Sigh.
It seems the OP has posted about this cocklodger and his entitled and violent son before. And no doubt got similar advice...

We are now on page 11 and she hasn't responded for quite a while.

How can we help you free yourself, @isitme852 ?

I have many times; and when ever I broach the subject with him he will say something along the lines of "what because I am not entitled to feelings and opinions"

There are ways and ways though arent there?

Saying, I am sad that your health problems make intimacy not as frequent as I would like, but I understand how hard it is for you and I feel really bad for you would still express his feelings but would be a lot less critical and unkind.

So I guess the answer here is - you are fully entitled to your feelings and opinions. You are entitled to express how you feel However, you are not entitled to be unkind, rude or unkind, and to dismiss or deny my feelings. And this is why it is over.

Maybe you should seek legal advice because they have been living in your home for the last four years. The question is, you are making them homeless do you legally owe them anything?

I have heard of some men claiming money even although they paid nothing towards the mortgage.

He and his DS have no right to be in your property if you do not want them there
It goes without saying that they have both taken advantage of your kind nature and abused you.
Tell him the relationship is over( have someone there if you think he will kick off) and you want them both to leave
The easiest way is to change locks when they're out really
If he refuses to leave call 101 and ask for the police to escort him out, which they will do
( they escorted mine to the next county!)

Have you RTFT? Her DP's son hits her and trashes his room.