Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

381 replies

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 14:11

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

OP posts:
AgnesX · 28/06/2024 16:58

THisbackwithavengeance · 28/06/2024 14:31

Stop with the drama. Just do the bloody packing. Put some clothes in a bag.

It takes an hour tops.

Go on your trip.

Enjoy yourself.

Some Mumsnetters are not happy unless they're kicking off or encouraging other women to kick off. If you want your DH to dislike you and to spoil your family life, then of course refuse to go or throw a tantrum.

Are you the husband by any chance, or just a wife who, because you do it, thinks every other wife should do all the work with zero support?

This is the only way he'll learn.

diddl · 28/06/2024 16:57

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 16:27

Cats are fine, he’d asked his mum to pop in for them already so that’s good.

Well that's good!

I agree with a PP that it might be fondly remembered in the future as the trip that Dad organised & the making do because X,Y,Z had been forgotten was great fun.

Don't forget he also needs to do the unpacking & laundry when you get back!

Runnerinthenight · 28/06/2024 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What planet are you actually on? He did nothing of the sort! Thoughtful my arse!!

GingerPirate · 28/06/2024 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

You know....
Hundred small things killed a donkey...

gardenmusic · 28/06/2024 16:55

A low bar is staying with a cheat or abuser! Letting the small things go in a presumably happy marriage is definitely no a low bar
And still they come.
Small things are the toilet seat up, not loading the dishwasher properly, not totally ignoring his wife when she says 'NO'.

GingerPirate · 28/06/2024 16:54

crumblingschools · 28/06/2024 16:41

@MaddieBrent its quite a low bar you have there. If he was a loving DH he would have listened to what OP wanted

Low bar?
Hardly.
Couldn't find that bar with the help of a well digger.
😂

JaneNo · 28/06/2024 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Runnerinthenight · 28/06/2024 16:54

THisbackwithavengeance · 28/06/2024 14:31

Stop with the drama. Just do the bloody packing. Put some clothes in a bag.

It takes an hour tops.

Go on your trip.

Enjoy yourself.

Some Mumsnetters are not happy unless they're kicking off or encouraging other women to kick off. If you want your DH to dislike you and to spoil your family life, then of course refuse to go or throw a tantrum.

Don't be ridiculous!

crumblingschools · 28/06/2024 16:54

@MaddieBrent your bar is getting even lower!

katepilar · 28/06/2024 16:51

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 28/06/2024 14:29

Have you packed your own bag? If so, put it in the car (so he can't forget it!) and take yourself off for coffee and some cake (it's your birthday after all!) and tell him to swing by and collect you when he's got the kids and all the stuff loaded up. Just dot even be there, then you can't get dragged into it against your will and you'll feel a lot less stressed than you will if you're there watching him.

Do this. Sounds a great idea. Iventhough I appreciate you need strong nerves to carry it through.

BananaLambo · 28/06/2024 16:51

Trytobekinder · 28/06/2024 16:22

Goodness there are a lot of women who seem to think OP should be grateful for something she specifically said she didn't want and she should embrace the opportunity to pack, organise and cook on her birthday with three children in tow. The camping site seems to have all the glamour of a hideous school camp I went to in the 1970s which was a row of rundown wooden shacks with a long drop out the back miles from anywhere. OP is a better person than me as I would have told him he was totally thick. The sheer audacity of her husband is breath-taking.

I’m guessing they’re mostly men who think wives should suck it up and delightfully embrace anything a man deigns to bestow upon them, even if she didn’t want it and would create lots of extra work. This is like when my ex would announce he was doing a barbecue and then stand there like Captain Caveman, burning a packet of Tesco Finest Cumberlands, while he expected me to prepare and bring out to the table the salads, bread rolls, sides, drinks, cutlery, etc. He’s didn’t last too long.

OP, I hope it’s an ok birthday in spite of you having to camp, and I hope next years is one you actually want 🌹🪻🌸

BringMeTea · 28/06/2024 16:51

Ignore the incel trolls. They get a cheap thrill from responses.

FriedaMer · 28/06/2024 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

But that's just the point - it's not a thoughtful gift at all.

He has booked a trip OP, (very specifically), said she didn't want.

Completely agree some women have it so so much worse but surely that's not the benchmark we need to be setting for ourselves or our daughters?

gardenmusic · 28/06/2024 16:48

MaddieBrent · Today 16:39
Wow, just breathe and tell your DH you are thankful for he's thoughtful gift. I am shocked by the amount of ungrateful posts I see on here. Be thankful you have a loving DH. Some women don't even get that !!

You are doing it on purpose now.

bergamotorange · 28/06/2024 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Being ignored when you have said 'I do not want to go on a trip' is not a small thing.

Are your standards really so low that 'not a cheat or an abuser' is all that matters?

JaneNo · 28/06/2024 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ivehearditbothways · 28/06/2024 16:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How is it a thoughtful gift when she said, “no trips.” He asked what she wanted and she said no trips. So what exactly is so thoughtful about this?

ImplacableDiscernment · 28/06/2024 16:46

Hope you have wine. 💐

VickyEadieofThigh · 28/06/2024 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

"Small things"? Like asking her what she wanted and then COMPLETELY ignoring her?

Upinthenightagain · 28/06/2024 16:45

We have three similar ages and I would not be going on this trip especially for my birthday. Glamping with three kids? Nope. Not one chance.

CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 28/06/2024 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I wish MN had a "no thank you" button

JFDIYOLO · 28/06/2024 16:43

I am proud of you.

I hope you have your gin (or preferred beverage) all your new books and magazines and your watercolours (or preferred passtime) and will be happily immersed in those.

I reckon the kids will enjoy any chaos.

It's quite possible that he'll thoroughly enjoy it.

And that you might, too ...

But even if you have a lovely time I think a clear conversation about listening to you and respecting your wishes has to happen.

We do require hourly updates ... 🤭

JaneNo · 28/06/2024 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

crumblingschools · 28/06/2024 16:41

@MaddieBrent its quite a low bar you have there. If he was a loving DH he would have listened to what OP wanted

Jeschara · 28/06/2024 16:41

Maybe her husband will learn not to buy a gift he wants. I think he is selfish to be honest.