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Original poster

DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

381 replies

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 14:11

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 30/06/2024 10:45

Why is there such an absence of dynamic communications between partners. I can't see how it got to the stage that the OP meekly ended up on this trip that she'd been really clear that she didn't want. No has to mean no.

and as for the poster who says she should be grateful? 😆 😹 😂😳there are no words or sufficient eye rolls.

EffYouSeeKaye · 30/06/2024 10:18

Did the campsite turn out to be in Glastonbury?

YourKindPeachMaker · 30/06/2024 10:15

The most powerful form of communication is behaviour: stick to your word, don’t lift a finger and let him take the children out while you relax at home - blissful weekend for you and a guaranteed lesson learnt for him.
Plus the kids learn the meaning of boundaries and will grow up respecting you. Triple win!

Sad that you married a useless inconsiderate man child but it’s never too late to take the reins of where this relationship is going.

Happy birthday 💐

AmIEnough · 30/06/2024 08:40

Tell him that for your birthday you would like him to take the kids glamping whilst you spend a lovely relaxing weekend having time to yourself and doing whatever you want. Win-win!

DampDust · 30/06/2024 08:32

THisbackwithavengeance · 28/06/2024 14:31

Stop with the drama. Just do the bloody packing. Put some clothes in a bag.

It takes an hour tops.

Go on your trip.

Enjoy yourself.

Some Mumsnetters are not happy unless they're kicking off or encouraging other women to kick off. If you want your DH to dislike you and to spoil your family life, then of course refuse to go or throw a tantrum.

Are you her husband??

Why should she pack 5 peoples stuff, get the shopping. An hour tops? Are you mad?
I would stay at home and let him take the kids

Doubledded123 · 30/06/2024 08:17

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2024 15:02

I may help him now

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

What does he do when you prep for holidays?

This, do not help.

SocoBateVira · 30/06/2024 07:57

Hihellogoodbye · 29/06/2024 22:44

you lot are some ungrateful people that’s all
I can say.
i’d be grateful that he bothered to do something . If it was me I’d stop even remembering it is your bday…see how you like it
a gift is a gift so where I’m from we are being taught to be grateful

Being taught to be grateful when someone does something you specifically asked them not to isn't something to be proud of.

RampantIvy · 30/06/2024 07:48

Hmwales · 30/06/2024 07:46

Please don't cave in and do everything. Either stick to your guns and do nothing OR do not go and let him to with the kids.

You're a bit late with this advice. The OP went on Friday.

Hmwales · 30/06/2024 07:46

Please don't cave in and do everything. Either stick to your guns and do nothing OR do not go and let him to with the kids.

Skodacool · 30/06/2024 07:01

crumblingschools · 28/06/2024 15:25

Why isn’t the 12yo sorting their stuff out?

Absolutely, OP is passing on DH’s uselessness.

Fraaahnces · 30/06/2024 06:52

Oooh… we seem to have the same husband. I am rubbing my hands with glee and opening the notes app. I already have the “Where you left it…” answer well in use, and I alternate it with “Yes of course I’ve seen it, but I have no idea where you put it.”

Tlolljs · 30/06/2024 06:37

I used to have one like this. They never get it. They think all they have to do is turn up and you’d be grateful. In my case it was because his dad was so shit he thought anything was better than that.

MoltenLasagne · 30/06/2024 06:35

Any camping where you have to bring your own bedding and toilet roll is not glamping. Might as well set up a yurt in our back garden...

GreenFritillary · 30/06/2024 06:35

JFDIYOLO · Today 00:18
Is anyone else hoping the OP is writing an hourly updated diary and that as soon as WiFi is available it will all download at once?

Absolutely; and it reminds me I want a powerbank for my birthday.

somethingwickedlivesnextdoor · 30/06/2024 06:20

Hihellogoodbye · 29/06/2024 22:44

you lot are some ungrateful people that’s all
I can say.
i’d be grateful that he bothered to do something . If it was me I’d stop even remembering it is your bday…see how you like it
a gift is a gift so where I’m from we are being taught to be grateful

Christ on a bike. Op specifically said she didn't want a trip! So what did her h buy her?

How would you like it if you got things you hated and didn't want for your birthday?

Expect more.
Raise your bar.
🙄

Vladthecat · 30/06/2024 05:55

EnglishBluebell · 28/06/2024 14:23

That sounds like a thrilling birthday for OP. Confused

Show quote history

Just what I was thinking.
Hard work for you OP.

Just tell him straight … this is not your idea of fun but he can go with the kids.
You’re staying home and chilling.

Toptotoe · 30/06/2024 05:46

DancingNotDrowning · 28/06/2024 14:38

I’d not go.

wouldn’t make a fuss about it but just say

”I don’t really fancy this trip and did mention it wasn’t how I wanted to spend my birthday. You take the DC and I’m going to lunch/spa/shop/hike/sleep/read” or whatever your thing is!

the leave him to it

This would be my approach too. You have given him notice you don’t want to go and he has ignored it. Tell them to have a lovely time and then go and pamper yourself. Happy Birthday.

NoIDontWantToDoIt · 30/06/2024 03:38

Here eagerly waiting for an update. I hope everything has gone wrong enough to cause you enjoyment but not bad enough to be actually miserable.

Ticktockk · 30/06/2024 03:26

I’m weirdly invested in this and desperate to know how it’s gone!!! Please do an update!

Sunseasand4everplz · 30/06/2024 01:14

YANBU. Definitely don't help him pack or fix things once away.

How's it going?

JFDIYOLO · 30/06/2024 00:18

Is anyone else hoping the OP is writing an hourly updated diary and that as soon as WiFi is available it will all download at once? ☕🍰

Ketzele · 29/06/2024 23:48

I feel this thread has too quickly moved on from the threatened expose of BlueQuails business arrangements Smile

EatTheGnome · 29/06/2024 23:15

Hihellogoodbye · 29/06/2024 22:44

you lot are some ungrateful people that’s all
I can say.
i’d be grateful that he bothered to do something . If it was me I’d stop even remembering it is your bday…see how you like it
a gift is a gift so where I’m from we are being taught to be grateful

Fucking hell, how low is your bar that you think any present is good enough??

Her husband bought himself a gift and dressed it up as her birthday present.

Next year I'll buy DH some lovely candles ive had my eye on instead of the football shirt he's hoping for and tell him to be grateful the house will smell nice. I'm sure 10 years of that and our marriage will be in an excellent state.

DefyingGravitas · 29/06/2024 23:14

Hihellogoodbye · 29/06/2024 22:44

you lot are some ungrateful people that’s all
I can say.
i’d be grateful that he bothered to do something . If it was me I’d stop even remembering it is your bday…see how you like it
a gift is a gift so where I’m from we are being taught to be grateful

I think she would’ve been quite happy if he had forgotten it was her birthday, at least she wouldn’t have to go on a trip she had expressly asked not to go on.

ActualChips · 29/06/2024 23:01

So if you clearly tell someone not to do a thing, and they do it anyway, be grateful? Ok. 😆