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Original poster

DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

381 replies

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 14:11

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

OP posts:
Isthisjustnormal · 28/06/2024 14:21

Can you bring yourself not to save it? remind him now that he is responsible for everything. Remind him it’s your birthday treat so you’re not expecting to pack or meal plan.

When you hit any issues over the weekend say ‘so what are we eating tonight? You don’t know, oh, well, I guess you need to sort something. Can you organise a takeaway? ‘

‘Hummmm, little Bobby has no pants I guess you’l to find out where to buy some: do you know where the nearest supermarket is?

‘We have no milk for coffee: what’s the best way to get some do you think?’

Give him a full 24hours of NOT saving him. Id probably make sure you start drinking (slowly!) early as part of your birthday treat so any extra top ups are his problem. I’d also think of a few things you’d like to do to make it feel like a birthday treat. Go off for a long walk, some local shopping or a quiet read for a couple of hours. Have a lie in.
let him know that these are your plans as this is your birthday treat.
Personally I might soften after 24hours, but given that you a) specifically asked NOT to do this b) have already given him loads of reminders, I might be tempted to go longer.

bergamotorange · 28/06/2024 14:20

I would refuse to go. He can take the kids.

It is basic boundary enforcement - you said no trips. Either you stand up for yourself or you let him wipe his feet on you.

Sorry this is your situation, not nice for you.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 28/06/2024 14:20

Don't go, it's the only way he'll learn and pay attention to your boundaries.

Kosenrufugirl · 28/06/2024 14:18

Don't do it. Just go with the flow and smile. Once he has paid his way up through all the breakfasts, lunches and dinners and and went through the shopping for all the essentials whist on the trip he will think better next time. Bring your staff, books or whatever you do on holiday and your best self. Leave the practical staff to him and tactfully refer the children's queries to him e.g. pyjamas. You can still make it a success of this trip i.e. it's mum's birthday treat. However you need to change your mindset and not expect perfection

bluebeck · 28/06/2024 14:17

I don’t understand. I would just tell him thanks but no thanks.

He can take the kids and you can have a lovely weekend relaxing, seeing friends, cinema, whatever you like to do.

ThistleWitch · 28/06/2024 14:12

Don't do it

Let him deal with it