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Original poster

DH booked a trip for him for my birthday

381 replies

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 14:11

DH asked what I’d like for my birthday (last weekend), I clearly said no trips as I end up doing all the packing, planning, unpacking washing etc.
Hes booked us glamping, leaving after school today. All week I’ve reminded him I’m not packing, meal planning, shopping etc and guess what-he’s done a bit of a shop but no meal plans (eg we have bacon, broccoli and cookies?), there’s 3 kids to pack for still and the weather is set to be hot, cold, sunny, and rainy so all weathers really, and he’s not packed a thing yet!

Part of me says don’t help but another part of me knows it’s me and the kids that will suffer because frankly, we’ve experienced similar before! He is so unprepared about most things in life as he knows I always step in and sort it and he openly says he thinks I’m a perfectionist (I’m not I just like to be prepared and have saved his arse so many times!) It’s exhausting. It’s more a jolly for him than me isn’t it?

OP posts:
CheeseSandwichRiskAssessment · 28/06/2024 16:21

Sorry but I think you're being too laid back about this. He literally did the opposite of what you wanted, and you're enabling him by not only going but reminding him about bedding and cats.

gardenmusic · 28/06/2024 16:20

'DefyingGravitas · Today 16:13
neensdx · Today 15:58
I agree. Bore off with your moaning
Show quote history
This is heartwarming, two soulmates in the unlikeliest of places.'

Popped over from the incel threads to give us the benefit of their advice.

mathanxiety · 28/06/2024 16:19

THisbackwithavengeance · 28/06/2024 14:31

Stop with the drama. Just do the bloody packing. Put some clothes in a bag.

It takes an hour tops.

Go on your trip.

Enjoy yourself.

Some Mumsnetters are not happy unless they're kicking off or encouraging other women to kick off. If you want your DH to dislike you and to spoil your family life, then of course refuse to go or throw a tantrum.

I have an exH who used to offer to take me out to dinner. Here's how - "Why don't you pick a night and choose a restaurant and find a babysitter and I'll take you out to dinner."

Fuck that. It would be less trouble for me to stay home. Apparently, taking me out to dinner involved paying for the meal and nothing else

You've missed the point here, @THisbackwithavengeange.

He's "giving"her something she specifically said she does not want, something that involves packing for various weather scenarios, buying food, planning meals outdoors, and then washing all the clothes, drying, ironing, and putting them away when they get home. All this for a trip she said she didn't want.

He clearly enjoys this kind of trip, so he should take the kids and give her some time to do things she really wants to do.

TinySmol · 28/06/2024 16:18

God, he sounds awful.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 28/06/2024 16:17

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Without resorting to any sexist or misogynistic stereotypes, can you explain why?

Bringbackspring · 28/06/2024 16:17

I'd be frigging livid at this! It's not a birthday present for you, and it's not nice that he's booked you a trip. He has ignored the one thing you asked. It would be like DH cooking me my most hated food (knowingly) and people expecting me to be grateful that at least he had cooked for me "Isn't he such a man-hero for cooking!". Except this is worse as it's for several miserable days.

Good on you for being a better person than me and going on the trip. There's no way on earth I'd have gone. I felt stressed just reading about his useless preparation attempts.

RampantIvy · 28/06/2024 16:15

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 16:00

We are on our way!

I’m about to ask who he’s organised to feed the cats…

He'll have to go home tomorrow to feed them and change the litter tray then.

Skyrainlight · 28/06/2024 16:13

Kosenrufugirl · 28/06/2024 14:18

Don't do it. Just go with the flow and smile. Once he has paid his way up through all the breakfasts, lunches and dinners and and went through the shopping for all the essentials whist on the trip he will think better next time. Bring your staff, books or whatever you do on holiday and your best self. Leave the practical staff to him and tactfully refer the children's queries to him e.g. pyjamas. You can still make it a success of this trip i.e. it's mum's birthday treat. However you need to change your mindset and not expect perfection

Edited

Agreed, I would just sit back enjoy myself and let him deal with any issues.

DefyingGravitas · 28/06/2024 16:13

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This is heartwarming, two soulmates in the unlikeliest of places.

DefyingGravitas · 28/06/2024 16:10

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You can figure it out if you read the OP slowly.

FriedaMer · 28/06/2024 16:09

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Effort? What Effort?

Book online, print off a page and fold it into a card. Literally no thought put in or effort gone to. He can't have even left his armchair!

Ariela · 28/06/2024 16:08

Can't you just pack for him and the kids and stay at home instead?

gamerchick · 28/06/2024 16:08

Say no. Send him on his own and you do something nice for the kids.

If you keep stepping up, he'll keep doing it

ArabellaFishwife · 28/06/2024 16:08

The DH clearly thinks things organise themselves. Including the cat care.

TemporaryCatSlave · 28/06/2024 16:07

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 16:00

We are on our way!

I’m about to ask who he’s organised to feed the cats…

Please don't tell me you'd let the cats suffer and go unfed to teach him a lesson? Yes he's an inconsiderate disorganised idiot but the cats haven't done anything wrong.

Is there someone with keys that can feed them when he realises he's forgotten them? (which based on your posts I'm presuming he will have).

Overthebow · 28/06/2024 16:07

MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 16:00

We are on our way!

I’m about to ask who he’s organised to feed the cats…

Oh this is brilliant. What was his answer?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/06/2024 16:06

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He shouldn't have booked it in the first place as OP said she didn't want a break away, she's not ruining anything

AdoraBell · 28/06/2024 16:05

Women are the best packers

Not in my house, DH is definitely the top packer.

crumblingschools · 28/06/2024 16:02

@sebsmite if one member of a partnership said I don’t want a trip for my birthday what does it make the partner who ignored that request and booked a trip. What sort of partner does that make them?

crumblingschools · 28/06/2024 16:01

@MrsDurrells maybe he’s packed them!

sebsmite · 28/06/2024 16:00

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Original poster
MrsDurrells · 28/06/2024 16:00

We are on our way!

I’m about to ask who he’s organised to feed the cats…

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 28/06/2024 15:59

@oreoloverr bollocks!

protectthesmallones · 28/06/2024 15:59

Absolutely do not do this for him. If anything it will be a learning experience and maybe he'll appreciate what you do in future.

No reminders, no packing bags, just run without. If it's truly terrible you can all come home.

Smile and wave 👋 whilst sipping a birthday drink.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/06/2024 15:59

You say no No trips and he books glamping

My idea of hell

Now if he ignored your wishes and booked a nice hotel then maybe help
Him

But def not in this case

He will listen and learn

Ps maybe take a small loo roll for yourself