To expect to share alcohol?

You're not BU OP.
You didn't like the breakfast offerings and it wasn't a huge choice as your are veggie anyway (and you'd told them). Yes I can see how they'd maybe thought everyone would cook them a massive fry up but then again the other couple didn't either?
But you slipped out and bought your own and said nothing. That was not offensive.
You didn't make tea but you didn't have any. So also not offensive. Did the other couple make tea?
You openly shared your wine and nibbles and your DP had a glass of vodka without being asked. And got that reaction.
Honestly these people sound batshit !

YANBU & the other couple sound awful.

This is getting the strangest replies I’ve ever seen on mumsnet.

OP you are not an alcoholic or unreasonable not to want to eat crap food. I don’t eat crap food ever. I certainly wouldn’t do it on holiday! I love nice wine too! It doesn’t make me an alcoholic. It makes me an adult who has good taste in things.

Leave the rest of these daft bastards replying to you with nonsense to their smart price beans. Fuck em! YANBU.

If the couple who brought the vodka didn’t want other members of the group to help themselves to their vodka then they should not have helped themselves to the alcohol that other members of the group had brought with them.

By helping themselves to others alcohol they are entering a social contract to share theirs.

As for the cheap, low quality food. Why would anyone be offended that others might not want to eat it, and prefer a much nicer breakfast alternative?

UWNBU, the violent, angry man was. I hope his girlfriend sees sense and LTB.

But some people choose quantity over quality. Some people like white sliced bread, cereal, baked beans, squash, sausages etc. and snack on biscuits and crisps. Some people literally can’t taste the difference. My father’s approach to food is that it should be ‘nice and hot and plenty of it’. He’d prefer to big plate of cheap food to something he ‘had to appreciate’.

To them it wasn’t a ‘bad and inconsiderate job’ of breakfast shopping — they presumably bought the kind of thing they eat themselves. The OP even acknowledges this — that it was a matter of mismatched expectations. If they don’t eat like that themselves, they can have had no idea the OP wanted freshly-squeezed orange juice, wholemeal bread, freerange eggs, yoghurt, fruit and pastries. They presumably thought that a vegetarian could eat beans if she wanted more than toast and cereal.

Obviously the hitting someone who drank their vodka thing is territorial and quite mad (I seem to remember people hiding their own bottles at student parties when we were all skint), but I’m not sure I necessarily think they consciously skimped on breakfast food to spend the OP’s money on booze.

As a fellow autistic person, I think I understand why you asked the question in the way you did. You know that the attack was absolutely wrong, so you don’t need anyone else’s opinion. But you’re not sure about the dynamics of the drink and food situation, and you want outside opinions so that you can learn from what happened. Is that right?

Here’s my take:

I do not think it was unreasonable to assume that all the alcohol was fair game, since everyone apparently was helping themselves to all the other drinks. If everything else is being treated as a free for all, it’s down to the owner of the vodka to find some way to clarify that they are not offering it on the same terms - maybe by putting the top back on and keeping the bottle tucked down by their own chair, rather than leaving it out with all the communal drinks. But it would be rather bad to do so, unless there was something special about the vodka, or unless the owner wasn’t partaking of any of the other drinks and wanted to make sure they had enough for themselves.

I also think their choice of foods and snacks was weird and inappropriate. If two other couples have chipped in a decent amount for a weekend’s breakfasts and snacks for a group of adults, buying the cheapest possible supermarket basics is a bit insulting. From what you say, it sounds like there was enough money there to have bought decent-quality bread, beans, bacon, veggie sausages, free-range eggs, and that you’d have found that quite acceptable (even if not what you’d have chosen for yourself)? The problem is that they bought a lot of really poor-quality food even though you gave enough money for significantly better-quality options. I’d be confused and really annoyed by that. Anyone who thinks this is snobbish has an odd idea of snobbery - these foods are not bog-standard-quality; they’re very cheap, bulked out with cheap ingredients, generally low in nutrition and don’t taste great.

So, they offered to do the food shopping, and did an obviously bad and inconsiderate job of it. You wouldn’t have owed them a tea and breakfast service even if they’d made better food choices, especially since they volunteered and you’d have happily done it yourself otherwise. It’s not a major task and certainly not one that entitles them to demand that you and your friends become their private caterers for the weekend!

The husband, in particular, sounds like an abusive bully. No rational, decent adult behaves that way. I don’t think you or your DP did anything obviously wrong.

But what if everyone said no, no one ever shares alcohol, and you should have accepted the offer of a cup of tea with their nasty cheap teabags — would that legitimise the attack?

The guy attacked your partner! Why are you so fixated on the ‘cheap’ food they bought? Why is your thread title about sharing alcohol rather than the attack?

The OP is not in the least snobbish. She just wanted good quality food while on a weekend away.

And frankly, the acquaintances sound quite low rent. It’s not snobbish to describe honestly what they thought was food to share as cheap and not very good quality if it was cheap and not good quality.

And no, he wasn't remorseful. Thought he was completely in the right. I think his wife was quite embarrassed, though.

Completely in the right to hit someone??? They sound awful @Riversideandrelax -a bit trailer trash as well as cheap and mean. Maybe they’re not used to socialising much.

And expecting you to make them breakfast and cups of tea, simply because they’d gone to Lidl (or Poundland?) for cheap food ??? - for which you’d paid your fair share. Vulgar chancers.

I don’t think @Riversideandrelax is coming off as the snobby person here, all due respect.

I can’t get over the guy being so chintzy that he’d actually physically attack somebody for having a sip or two out of his bottle of precious alcohol. What was in it? Mars vapour? Raindrops from Jupiter? Crushed rainbows from Venus?
Sheezus.
He needs to go Miss Manner’s School of Anger Management & Wallet Extraction.
And I’m only half-joking.
It’s like a lousy sitcom gone bad, and I’m very sorry you - and especially your husband - had such a difficult and shocking experience.
It should never have been a lesson in the first place.

It all sounds like a nightmare, OP. I am vegetarian, and admit that I like to eat well, and am fortunate to be able to pay to do that. I like you, would have really struggled to eat what they brought, or even to drink the coffee. I hear you.

I suspect that them knowing none of you ate any of what they brought for breakfast, nor anything else throughout the day was uncomfortable. Then seeing your 'nice snacks' and choice of alcohol may well have been mortifying, whether intentional or not. They clearly missed the mark in all the ways, and the weekend was just warming up. Too much drink, embarrassed and angry. Not an excuse at all - there is none for violence! - but I feel almost sorry for them here.

@Riversideandrelax is not snobby,she just wants a choice of some food that she'll actyeat.
She's paid her money just like the other couples

What's wrong with having nice stuff on holiday,you're there to enjoy yourself.
You're not there for penance.

There's no excuse for violence

But you come off very snobby. You still keep mentioning how expensive the stuff was you brought and how fancy you wanted breakfast

It would have been obvious you didn't eat their breakfast. Nothing had gone, no cooking smells etc. And I agree they probably thought it would be a communal affair

And if you and the other couple had EXPLICITLY said "oh help yourself" about the drink, them not saying anything should have been taken as red that they didn't mean it to be shared.

Spot on op. I’m veggie too - I would’ve expected the same. Most people would.

Violence aside, because there is no excusing or justifying that, you just sound like very different people with different expectations and inadequate communication.

I’d chalk this up to experience and make sure expectations are clear in the future.

I think you are getting some harsh responses here OP.
If im on holiday, and self catering, I want to have nice food, nicer than I would buy for myself at home.
It sounds like the couple have bought the cheapest, crappest most processed food they could. I am absolutely no snoglb, but if I put money towards food and got a white "essentials" loaf with cheap crisps and sausages, I'd be annoyed.

Re the food, unfortunately this is what happens when one person or couple are left in charge of selecting everything. Perhaps they wanted to stretch the money as far as they could because they wouldn't be able to top up during the stay? Quite thoughtless that they didn't buy veggie stuff for you. My SIL is veggie and I always buy some veggie sausages or something for her. Just like I always have some GF biscuits at home for my coeliac friend when she pops by. It's just being thoughtful.

Re breakfast, I would have been hurt if you snuck off for breakfast. I'd assume in that setting you'd have a team breakfast where you all chip in (in one way or another). But I'd also probably say something the day before so everyone was on the same page.

Re the drink, they were arseholes. It's a very understandable misunderstanding. In my circle we always share all the drinks. At the very least, it's usually discussed before hand ("let's all bring drinks to share. What does everyone like?"). If someone doesn't want to share then they can say then.
That said, in DHs shoes I probably would have checked before I poured myself a second glass, but if I was the other fellow I would have said something like "ah that's the only thing I'll drink this weekend so id rather not share" or I'd pop the bottle away after pouring.

However, none of that excuses him getting physical.