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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu about constant requests for favours?

35 replies

Coffee23 · 28/06/2024 10:56

I need to know if I am BU about this situation with my neighbour as my sister thinks I am being mean.

Sorry if this is long but I think the detail is relevant.

I personally think our neighbour is asking for too many favours and in my opinion some of them are going too far/not appropriate given we aren’t friends and say a passing hello at most.

About two years ago they knocked and said they are going on holiday and could we put their bins out, grab a parcel that was due so it wouldn’t sit outside all week, and gave us their number in case of emergency with the house. We agreed as we had just moved in and wanted to be nice and figured they could return the favour one day.

Since we exchanged numbers we have since been asked for multiple favours, about 2-3 times a month, ranging from taking a parcel in to feeding their cat to a lift to the airport (1 hour away - we said no).

We didn’t mind the small favours until they became more and more frequent and they just pushed the boundaries.

For example:

They text me once to ask if I could go round and feed their cat as their train was cancelled and it was already 7pm. They told me where the spare key was and I happily nipped round and did it.

But then they started to ask us every time they would be home late whether it was working late or going out. We started to lie and say we were out because it was so often.

We then got asked to feed the cat for a whole week while they went away because they didn’t want to pay for a sitter. I have suggested an automatic feeder and even given some names of a cat sitter my sister has used but nothing changes.

Aside from the constant requests to feed the cat, they also ask us for favours that in my opinion are just not the kind of ones you ask of a neighbour you barely know:

  1. lifts to and from the train station multiple times (they have a car - a nicer one than us!)
  2. to borrow items
  3. to pick them up X or Y next time we’re in town or at Sainsbury’s
  4. can we go round and show their cleaner where the spare key is

To name a few! We have said no to all of these but they just keep coming!!

To answer some questions I’m sure will come up -
No they are not old (late forties ish? We are late twenties)
No they are not disabled
No kids

So the AIBU is - AIBU to say no even when I am free and could help them. My sister thinks I should do the favour given I’m just sat in my house when they ask but for me it’s just too much and we never ask for any in return because to be honest, it wouldn’t cross my mind to!

And yes I would absolutely love to be blunt and tell them to stop asking but they are quite forceful and to be honest I think would make our lives a misery if we fell out. So for now, I just say a simple ‘sorry no, I’m not free’. I used to give context and say I’m at dinner or I’m going to the cinema but now I just say that. I’ve looked back at the messages and I’ve said that same line to the past 15 requests (since Jan) and it still hasn’t stopped them asking!

Anyone else had this and they eventually got the hint and left you alone!?!

OP posts:
Beamur · 28/06/2024 13:31

Cheeky!
Just keep saying no. I think the suggestion of muting them and just checking occasionally is good. Don't respond to every message and sometimes leave it until after the event. Like feeding the cat because they're running late. The cat won't starve. Just reply the next day and say sorry, just seen this!
The lifts are cheeky AF. Bet it's to avoid paying for parking 😂

CultOfRamen · 28/06/2024 13:31

The problem might be though if they only think your saying no because your busy…..but you would help if you weren’t??
try saying no because you don’t want the responsibility and maybe they will get the message …..

thestudio · 28/06/2024 13:27

Hi guys
I'm afraid we're really struggling with keeping on top of our own lives at the moment, and won't have any spare capacity at all for the foreseeable - hope you find another solution!
Take care,
OP

Send that a few times, then stop responding. Keep being super cheery in the street.

I wouldn't continue to feed the cat only, it muddies the waters. Cats don't need feeding on the dot!

Bountiez · 28/06/2024 13:06

No way, they are cheeky fuckers.

AffIt · 28/06/2024 12:43

Jesus, did you accidentally move into the staff annexe or something?!

That's way too much and beyond the boundaries of being neighbourly.

We have terrific neighbours and none of us mind taking in the odd parcel or keeping a wee eye out when people are away or feeding the cat overnight, but not for weeks on end or a two-hour round trip to the airport.

SirQuintusAureliusMaximus · 28/06/2024 12:34

I'd go for the direct approach and tell them face to face (not in a text or email as you don't want them going back and dwelling on it) that you are happy to help out when they are away or in a real emergency and hope they would do the same for you but that you no longer have time to deal with the sort of day to day requests that are more frequent like giving lifts and doing thing just because they are late from work.

That you are raising this because you think its better to be direct, feel awkward having to keep refusing and don't want to cause offence by constant refusal so if they could stop texting you day to day stuff that would be great.

Then repeat and emphasise that you are not saying you aren't willing to be neighbourly and assist for the occasional holiday etc.

Otherwise you are going to end up with resentment here and a relationship breakdown via lying and it's always better to keep neighbours onside.

Caroparo52 · 28/06/2024 12:13

Block?
Then say you've been having trouble with your phone when they ask...

Skyrainlight · 28/06/2024 11:39

Just thought I'd add unless I plan to help I would take my time in responding. 8 hours can make the need for a lot of favours go away. Just pop them on mute and reply as and when you fancy.

Skyrainlight · 28/06/2024 11:37

I would always help with the cat, because I love animals and am doing that for the him/her. With a lot of the other favours that are taking the p.

  1. lifts to and from the train station multiple times (they have a car - a nicer one than us!) - No, not until they stop taking advantage of you
  2. to borrow items - Depends on the item
  3. to pick them up X or Y next time we’re in town or at Sainsbury’s - No or sorry I forgot
  4. can we go round and show their cleaner where the spare key is - I wouldn't mind this one

I would differentiate between what I'm willing to do and not and cut back on a load of the stuff so they get the message without it being an issue where you don't help each other out at all.

yellowsmileyface · 28/06/2024 11:35

Gosh they're persistent! If they haven't gotten the hint already I'm not sure they're going to...

YANBU though. Just keep saying no. They're obviously the type that if you give them an inch they'll take a mile, so it's not really a simple matter of just doing the favour. Every favour you do is encouraging further cheeky fuckery.