To think my SIL is over the top for this?

This is a very good point I've seen a few people make.

They've obviously parented him very well if he's generally a good kid so whatever they've been doing has been working.

Probably because they parent him robustly.

He's fucked up and he’s facing the consequences. She seems right on if you ask me.

I actually admire your SIL and brother as they have rightly called their son out on his behaviour & given him an incredibly harsh punishment that he should hopefully learn from. Would I have chosen the same punishment? Probably not but that doesnt mean your SIL is wrong - her family her decision.

If your family are upset he isnt coming then I think that should be directed to him as his actions have caused it. You cant go around blaming your SIL as quite frankly its none of your business to question her parenting decisions, especially as she has the support of your brother too. Stop focusing on your SIL here, its your nephew that caused this so ensure the blame for him not coming is directed towards him, not his mum. If you speak to him, back them up and hopefully he will never behave like this again.

I do think that if more parents (me included) were a lot harsher on their kids when they do shit like this then maybe the world would be a better place for all young people to grow up in.

You don't have to google too much to see the countless cases of girls and boys who have committed suicide due to comments and bullying like your nephew has been responsible for. This is a wake up call for him and as an involved aunt I think you should be backing his parents and letting him know that he was in the wrong and must suffer the consequences.

So your relationship with your niece who t you would agree is in the wrong and her not being upset at being given consequences for shitty, bullying behaviour is more important than that with your sister, who you'd tell was wrong in her parenting?

Well his actions have unintended consequences. That’s on him.
his parents are giving him the top end punishment they can think of because that’s what he deserves- yes other people are affected, that’s what happens when you perpetrate abuse.
perhaps he will think twice about the ripple effect next time.

you have to ask yourself whether his family’s feelings are more important than her right to have him justifiably punished for his abusive behaviour towards her.

OP you also need to think about how you'd feel if you made a decision about discipline and everyone and their cow was sticking their oar in. It's SO disrespectful to the parents, and actually the pressure you are all putting on them is likely to make them dig their heels in. They may have relented at the last minute, but now if they do it'll look like they caved to family pressure. And what kind of lesson will that teach your lovely nephew who definitely has never done anything wrong before this incident of bullying?

Disappointed at the fact there’s no voting option

YABU!

I applaud your SIL to stick to her gun and DB to support his wife as a team. With the current behaviour issues in school, they’re a rare find.

You, your sister and the whole family need to get a grip and butt out of their parenting. They know their son best and what punishment would work on him.

Absolutely no-one, including me, has said that he should not be punished. He should, and severely so.

What some of us are saying it's that the family should not be punished alongside him.

Are you really saying that it's this punishment or nothing? If the wedding wasn't happening, his parents would have had to come up with a different punishment. So there's no reason why am alternative can't be put in place.

Is he even bothered about missing the wedding?

I wish all parents took such bullying as seriously as your nephew's parents do because we sure as shit need to stop churning out arseholes, but I can't help feeling there could have been a consequence/punishment that would have hit him harder than missing a wedding.

Well if his behaviour pattern is not interrupted and he continues to be abusive the whole family will be missing their much loved nephew when he’s serving a prison sentence for bashing his wife or raping a girl after a night out.

violence against women is born is misogynistic comments and it is raised in the lack of accountability and consequences from the perpetrators peers and family

The misogynistic little shit is the one who has ruined it. If he were my nephew I wouldn’t be looking too fondly on him right now, much like his mother.

I have two daughters. The one who is an auntie to my DGDs, adores her nieces. I'm confident that in this situation she'd be extremely upset if one of them was forbidden from attending her wedding. We're a close and loving family and the absence of one for any reason would be very disappointing. But if her sister used her wedding to punish one of the nieces, he aunt would be extremely upset, yes.

We would all recognise that the behaviour was awful. But we would not expect to be collateral damage in the punishment.

He does need a severe punishment, but it should not be one which punishes his Auntie! She hasn't done anything wrong, so this feels very unfair

If it was just a holiday then yes, but a family wedding that means so much to other family members, no

Does SIL realise how upset your sister is and how much it could damage family relationships? If I were your brother I'd be gutted she was using this situation to hurt my family

Grounding and removing technology would be far more appropriate, immediate and longer lasting to him

I agree with your SIL. He will think twice about being a horrible bully. Do you know the life time impact of bullying? It leads to poor self esteem, self-harm, suicide, anxiety, depression etc. This compares nothing to him missing a holiday/wedding.

Is the sister so dependent on her nephew attending it'll devastate her day?!

This.

I feel it is a bit harsh however this has absolutely nothing to do with you how they parent

It will be ruined by, not just the absence of a much loved nephew, but by the atmosphere within the family that has been created by OP 's brother and SIL.

There are many other forms of punishment that would be appropriate, and OP knows better than you, what will spoil her sister's wedding day.

This sums it up perfectly!!

Exactly that.

This thread is getting ridiculous. Of course firm action needs to be taken on what he did. But this punishment affects way too many other people who will suffer collateral damage.

Will you all be this vocal in undermining this boy's parents to him?

Punishment is meant to make a lasting impression on the receiving end, otherwise it's not a punishment. He's 15 - taking away his "toys" (such as mobile or TV) wouldn't make him realize his mistake, and you must admit that it's a rather grave mistake that might influence other people's life.

You seem nice, but perhaps your judgement is a bit clouded by the fact that you want him so much to be in your sister's wedding. Anyway, it's too late either way. His parents cannot cancel the punishment now or he'd never take them seriously again.

You'll thank them later. It's better for him to be punished now by his parents rather than later as an adult by society.

I’m quite thrilled to see someone taking something like this seriously tbh. All the stuff about the family being so upset feels a bit dramatic - obviously I don’t know your family but I’m struggling to think any bride would be that bothered about a teenage nephew’s attendance, surely she’d barely notice on the day?!

OP has made it perfectly clear that she realises that. She talked about the girl's looks in the context of other posters specifically inquiring about this.

Have you simply come onto this thread to be unpleasant?

Oh for gods sake at no point did I say lesbians were not women.
stop picking a fight where there isn’t one.