To think my SIL is over the top for this?

I am sorry but I am with your SIL

A family holiday is a treat, wedding or not, and what he did was awful.

I thought you were going to say he was 5 but 15, come on now he is a little shit that knew exactly what he was doing

Hopefully he now realises that actions have consequences and he will grow up

It carries addition of a hate crime. Do you really not see that?

I would let it go , he is their son to punish it just seems they could have done something else to hit the message home. All he will think he was hard done by and not really learn anything.

Does he actually want to go to the wedding? Do they want him to go or is it a chance for them to have some childfree time? Will the nan be on side with it being a punishment or just indulge him and let him go out with his mates? I think a more appropriate punishment might be something like a 2000 word, researched essay on the impact of bullying. Perhaps done during the time that he would otherwise be doing a hobby.

There should be a serious consequence. I’m not sure a letter is enough but the wedding is a bit much. I’m not sure what the happy medium is. No phone whilst on holiday would be pretty bad for a teen…

I think that it's a good life lesson to learn earlier on in life that making fun of someone for your own personal enjoyment is never acceptable. The school haven't consequenced effectively so it's great that your SIL has stepped in. However, a punishment yes needs to be retribution but it also needs to be restorative too. By not allowing him to go to a wedding and holiday, he will remember this for his entire life, and the label of bully might become firmly engrained in him. He will be completely humiliated because his entire family know the reason why and this too could be damaging.

Instead I would take the approach of removing items from his possession like a phone, tablet, computer etc. and to make it relevant he has to earn those items back by doing good deeds that are meaningful, maybe about being kind to his peers/ women. By the end he will not internalise the label of bully, he will demonstrate kindness.

My stepson did something a lot worse than this we removed everything from his room except books and paper. It took him six months to regain his stuff back (it was a serious issue ) but he also learnt his lesson. He's not done anything like that since.

How is removing phone, wifi a related consequence? Unless you’re arguing that it’s removing the means of communicating.

She is his mother the consequences are meant to teach a lesson. He now will think twice before being a dick and it's homophobic.

I have a sixteen year old son if he had done similar I would go to town on him. I am not raising bigot bullying pricks end of.

Fair play to her he hopefully learns a life lesson. I would be actually heartbroken to have raised child who did this. And honestly I would look on them differently

It seems mothers of boys can't win, teach respect but don't punish strongly .🤦‍♀️

All kids can be little arse holes from time to time. There really isn’t a perfect child.

Why is bullying a lesbian girl worse than bullying a heterosexual one?

what he’s said is awful regardless of her sexuality

so is she staying behind with him?

"Generally good kids" don't do stuff like this.

All that said, if they were using butch as a homophobic slur, then that changes things.

I don’t think minimising what he did is the correct response here, though I agree the school has been negligent.

OP, I would assume that his parents know him best and have chosen this punishment for a reason.

Wow this is such a leap.in response. He absolutely needs reprimanded but this is the wrong direction. The response should be asking the school to take harder repercussions so everyone knows it won't be tolerated, then grounded and no phone etc. But a family wedding abroad has wider implications for the family. He's only going to focus also on how he's been wronged in not going to the wedding than what he actually did

Your SIL (&brother) are being ridiculous.

Yes, further sanctions as the school have been so wet. But exclusions from a family event are not the way to go!!

He's a teenager, most of them are gobshites when with their mates. I have the misfortune of living next door to a 'corner shop'. You should hear some of the stuff I do. It's FAR worse than that - boys & girls.

she needs to talk to him about why what he was joining in with was SO awful and make him mow the lawn every Saturday or no gaming - whatever. Not ban him from a family event, it'll just make him resent them.(if he wants to go? He might be thrilled!!)

I doubt it, it would be full of bitter resentful folks who hated their parents.

I think the school has failed here. I don't think it's a good enough excuse not to punish him proportionately due to the fact he is sitting his mocks. If the girl in question is in the same year then surely she is also sitting her mocks and affected by this.

If it was just a family holiday with no wedding then I would think your sister in law is correct in what she is doing. It's a family wedding though so does not just affect him, your sister whose wedding it is is also affected. There will be other holidays but only her wedding day the once.

This is overly harsh, I’m simply not a fan of punishing children to cruel extremes, it is shit parenting , you also need to use your words, to talk, discuss, explain, not go scorched earth. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

I admire her for coming down hard on this but I don't think it is the right punishment.

Bullying is never OK and that's what it was, however I think big punishments like this are ridiculous and ott but it is what it is and she might backtrack.