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AIBU?

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Original poster

How do you start being "nice" as a person without looking "weak"?

40 replies

greenglassfull · 27/06/2024 23:47

Just that really ...

Just to expand I have seen some recent threads where I think the OP is being kind and very helpful - what I would call "nice".

However I am also minded that being nice/kind can be seen as a weakness.

I want to be loving, kind, nice but also assertive - how do you/we strike a balance?

OP posts:
PiggieWig · 28/06/2024 00:24

Boundaries are the key to this. You can be nice and kind without being a pushover. Learning to politely say no to things while also being generous with your time and affection where you want to.

Original poster
greenglassfull · 28/06/2024 00:23

Marblessolveeverything · 28/06/2024 00:21

I would suggest self reflection to identify why nice equates to weak in your mind? Were nice people in your life treated less than?

Oh no the exact opposite - hence my question!

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 28/06/2024 00:21

I would suggest self reflection to identify why nice equates to weak in your mind? Were nice people in your life treated less than?

Original poster
greenglassfull · 28/06/2024 00:21

Viscoelasticity · 28/06/2024 00:01

Strange to see kindness as weakness. Makes me wonder if you spend much of your life in a toxic environment? Seems like something a bully would say or think.

Kindness is showing respect and consideration for others. It’s more than simply what you do, it’s the way that you do it.

No I don't see it as a weakness but am genuinely confused by terms such as "kindness" and what it means in practice.

I am not living/working in an environment that I would describe as bullying or toxic - but appreciate others may be.

@TwattyMcFuckFace sums up how I feel and your mum must have been awesome

OP posts:
LaughingCat · 28/06/2024 00:20

I’m confused by this post, OP - there’s very few I’ve met that see kindness as weakness, and those who do a) I don’t want to be around and b) learn very swiftly their mistake.

Don’t think about it - be nice and kind, as long as you balance that with being firm, consistent and fair.

NewName24 · 28/06/2024 00:05

I agree with everyone else. Kindness, or being nice to people isn't a 'weak' thing at all.
In some circumstances, it can be an extremely brave thing to do.

Viscoelasticity · 28/06/2024 00:01

Strange to see kindness as weakness. Makes me wonder if you spend much of your life in a toxic environment? Seems like something a bully would say or think.

Kindness is showing respect and consideration for others. It’s more than simply what you do, it’s the way that you do it.

Ginkypig · 27/06/2024 23:58

Also there’s ways to enforce your boundaries while staying polite and respectful

TwattyMcFuckFace · 27/06/2024 23:57

My mum used to say

"Be thoughtful, be helpful but don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm".

I'm 55 now and I've pretty much stuck to that all my life.

SheSaidHummingbird · 27/06/2024 23:56

Ah, I see that I cross-posted with others!

SheSaidHummingbird · 27/06/2024 23:55

@greenglassfull

Kindess is a strength.

Perhaps you mean being seen as meek and people pleasing as opposing to firm.

You can be both kind and set firm boundaries, for example:

"Thank you so much for inviting me to the event. I will have to decline this time, but I really appreciate you thinking of me."

Edited to tag OP

Mmhmmn · 27/06/2024 23:54

Some people don’t understand that being nice isn’t a weakness. There is a difference. You can be nice but always make sure you have boundaries and assertively protect them so that people don’t try to take the mick - or if they do try, they soon learn not to try again. You just have to be ready to deal with cheeky fuckers.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/06/2024 23:54

Being kind and nice is not a weakness. Being assertive doesn't mean you can't be kind and nice , it means you aren't a 'pushover '

I was always told to treat others as you would like them to treat you. This has generally worked well. However if someone abuses that kindness, starts trying to take the piss then they get pretty short shrift

Ginkypig · 27/06/2024 23:53

It’s a balance I think.

being nice but having good boundaries and being able to both say no and stand your ground in the face of cheeky fuckers or rude or aggressive people is very different from someone who is nice but because they don’t like confrontation so get walked over and get taken advantage of.

of course the other side of the coin is to be genuinely nice rather than having the skill to appear so so you can be the cheeky fucker or take advantage.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 27/06/2024 23:51

What do you mean by be 'seen' as a weakness?

It doesn't matter if people see your kindness as weakness, unless you're actually weak.

If you're strong and kind, they'll realise they were wrong about you.