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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend not coming back from holiday

278 replies

Madnessinblue · 27/06/2024 22:31

Boyfriend had gone on a business trip and extended by a few days to spend time with his friend. He won’t tell me when he’s coming back as he is undecided and says he just needs a break. It started with one extra night to now on day 3.

Now normally this would be understandable. However he has hardly been spending any time with me over the past few months as he has been so busy with work and life.

I asked a few months ago if he would take a holiday with me (it’s next week as I have time off work) and he said he could not spare the time off of his work and that he also could not afford to do it. He does however seem to have the money to fund a trip with his friend and lavish fine dining meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus super expensive bars for a few extra days at a luxury destination.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Madnessinblue · 03/07/2024 09:13

Thank you all for your comments and thoughts on the situation, it is really helpful to see your view in the situation, although most are aligned that it’s a LTB situation!

So he didn’t bring me anything back from his holiday or remember my birthday, I didn’t get a present or a card and when I told him he didn’t even and say he will make it up to me or suggest a meal out or a proper apology. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

So I’ve since found out, through sleuthing, that he was staying at a luxury 5 star hotel (not his friends sofa as he told me) the entire trip was pre planned and not a last minute thought. He’s planned a party week and lied to me about it. He also went with a male friend from home. Not his elderly business/ work friend. It cost an absolutely extortionate amount (we are talking multiple thousands) yet he told me he can’t spare a few hundred for a flight to come away with me, as I had said I would pay for the hotel and everything else. At one point I said I’d pay his flight but he said he couldn’t spare the time off work!

I’m ashamed to admit this isn’t the first time he has lied to me. But it will be the last. I’m going to LTB. I know deserve so much better.

It’s tough knowing I’ve given this man 3 years of my life but, wow, I’ve learnt a lot of lessons on this one!

OP posts:
FailingMum81 · 03/07/2024 08:48

Do hope you're ok op and you were able to enjoy your birthday in some way ❤️

Kittensat36 · 03/07/2024 07:30

I've been ghosted and I think it's an awful, appalling thing to do, cruel and heartless.

I would TOTALLY ghost this guy.

Wouldn't even bother dumping him, just yeah whatevs. And that's not a tactic to get him running back to you, it's a tactic for getting your life together.

If anyone asks, tell them you were tired of putting up with his shit and leave it at that.

AfraidToRun · 03/07/2024 07:06

why do you think you put up with his crap?

Dinkydo12 · 03/07/2024 05:43

Get a grip time to say bye and get on with your life.

Devonshirerexx · 02/07/2024 23:29

Book a girls' trip! ✈️👯‍♀️ You don't live together, and by the sounds of it, you owe him nothing! 🙅‍♀️ See what kind of effort he puts in for your birthday. 🎂🎁 I hate to say this, but my ex did this to his ex-partner of 10 years and never went back to her. 💔 I asked him why, and he said he was bored and wanted to be single. 🙄 He was single for a year afterward; she never got any closure and did nothing wrong. 😞 It was all him being selfish. 😡 He married a year later and is happy as Larry now, and so is his ex. 🤷‍♀️ He isn't respecting you. 😤 Show him the same courtesy and go have a blast! 🎉 Life is way too short to waste on worry and wonder. ⌛️ I feel for you and wish you happiness and strength! 💪❤️ #GirlsTrip #SelfLove #NoDrama

CantGetDecentNickname · 02/07/2024 22:31

TeaGinandFags · 02/07/2024 19:41

Bin him.

He appears to want to have his cake and eat it.

Let him give you your pressie and hopefully take to somewhere nice on Monday. Tell him you understand about the pressures he's facing and you're going to give him time to get his head straight. Do not shag him.

Then leave and block him.

This is the best advice. Do get a gift off him. Don't do what he wants and end it, just do a slow fade using his behaviour and playing it back to him. Be polite and unavailable. Book a nice trip for yourself.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 02/07/2024 22:30

He’s with someone else and he’s not interested I’m afraid as he is making it clear he isn’t committed and doesn’t have time for you. Yet he has time to hang out on an expensive trip with ‘an old friend’ you haven’t met. Also you don’t live together after 3 years. That’s unusual. Why is that?

Welshmonster · 02/07/2024 22:04

He wants you to be the adult and call time on relationship as then he won’t feel like the bad guy.

just stop calling him. Make plans yourself so if he calls then you can say you are busy. Book yourself a fabulous birthday with friends and don’t even tell him.

you deserve better than him.

Oneluv4 · 02/07/2024 21:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Donz64 · 02/07/2024 21:45

19lottie82 · 27/06/2024 22:39

I can see both sides tbh. It’s easier just to extend a work trip for a few days than commit to booking an actual holiday.

I understand you feel
Let down but you do say he’s been busy with work and life. Personally I’d let it slide but push to book a holiday or even a weekend away together in the foreseeable future.

It seems as though he's no longer interested in being with you. He makes a lot of excuses.

Findinganewme · 02/07/2024 20:58

  1. it is understandable that he wants to extend a work trip, to explore or relax in a new place.

  2. it is strange that he doesn’t want to tell you when he will return.

  3. yes, it is sad that he doesn’t want to take leave with you, but can when it suits him and it’s on his terms.

  4. it sounds like he is stringing you along, but he’s checked out of the relationship.

he is in the wrong, for handling it this way.

Oxforddictionary12 · 02/07/2024 20:22

Don't waste another second thinking about him. Make some fun plans and enjoy your freedom. Please don't feel sad either- you've had a lucky escape.

EthicalBlend · 02/07/2024 20:19

I hate to ask but ... erm ... what sex is his 'friend'?

HeidiHunter · 02/07/2024 20:01

He's stringing you along until he finds The One. If you were the one he wanted for life he would prioritise you. It's a common and cruel scenario that men have a long-term girlfriend until they decide they want to get married. They ditch the practice-run and within a year have found someone else and are marrying them. Don't be the one before The One. Don't waste your precious time.

Cocothecoconut · 02/07/2024 19:44

Dump his lying arse ( off a cliff)
your worth so much more

TeaGinandFags · 02/07/2024 19:41

Bin him.

He appears to want to have his cake and eat it.

Let him give you your pressie and hopefully take to somewhere nice on Monday. Tell him you understand about the pressures he's facing and you're going to give him time to get his head straight. Do not shag him.

Then leave and block him.

TomTom2022 · 02/07/2024 19:26

I think he's taking the piss get rid asap

Mostlycarbon · 02/07/2024 19:18

I asked a few months ago if he would take a holiday with me (it’s next week as I have time off work) and he said he could not spare the time off of his work and that he also could not afford to do it.

I'd be reminding him of this. You're not a priority for him, sadly.

Mississipimudpie · 02/07/2024 17:56

Hi op, sorry I’m late to the thread… how is everything going? I feel so awful for you xxx

Scottsy200 · 02/07/2024 17:27

Please cut your losses now and find a man who will treat you better, this is not acceptable behaviour in a relationship of 3 years at all

Run

Thoughtful2355 · 02/07/2024 16:55

What happened OP? I wouldn't trust his either, your doing well following your gut x

Magmum75 · 02/07/2024 16:46

There is no trust if you are check up on everything he tells you and then finding contradictions in what he is saying. Don't give him the oxygen - better to send a brief check out and block. Despite the length of it, It doesn't really sound like this relationship was ever really going anywhere.

Underestimated4 · 02/07/2024 16:07

I don’t want to upset you but if this does suggest he’s either having issues with depression - can make you do unusual things. Or he’s doubting your relationship.

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 02/07/2024 15:45

I have seen your updates and agree it seems to be over. I also don’t believe this is a male friend. This must be quite difficult for you to process 😢

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