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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend not coming back from holiday

278 replies

Madnessinblue · 27/06/2024 22:31

Boyfriend had gone on a business trip and extended by a few days to spend time with his friend. He won’t tell me when he’s coming back as he is undecided and says he just needs a break. It started with one extra night to now on day 3.

Now normally this would be understandable. However he has hardly been spending any time with me over the past few months as he has been so busy with work and life.

I asked a few months ago if he would take a holiday with me (it’s next week as I have time off work) and he said he could not spare the time off of his work and that he also could not afford to do it. He does however seem to have the money to fund a trip with his friend and lavish fine dining meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus super expensive bars for a few extra days at a luxury destination.

AIBU?

OP posts:
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LilacReader · 18/06/2025 16:46

Sorry my lovely, he doesn't seem to know what he wants at the moment. If I were you, I would book to go away somewhere nice and hot (I've done it on my own and it's liberating and not at all lonely) and leave him to wonder what you are up to.

Sometimesright · 30/09/2024 09:16

Madnessinblue · 27/06/2024 22:44

Yes this is the feeling I have been having recently. He doesn’t make much effort to see me and if he does it’s all a real hassle for him as he is so busy.
I definitely don’t feel like a priority to him.

Show quote history

It sounds like he wants to end things but doesn’t have the balls.
He is treating you like this so you will dump him and let him off the hook!
Back away and find someone who will treat you properly.

CatLady22222 · 30/09/2024 01:21

Sorry, I saw the update after posting my reply. So glad you dumped him! Hope you meet someone better.

CatLady22222 · 30/09/2024 01:18

Sounds like this bloke is still 18! This is very immature and unfair behaviour. I understand and empathise with you on this as I've been through similar situations.

I would also question whether this guy is being faithful. I know its not nice to imagine, but if he's having luxury meals etc, I'd question whether he's actually with a mate. Plus, he's not spent much time with you in the run up to the holiday and is in no rush to get back - these are big red flags. Don't put up with this behaviour! You deserve better.

OhcantthInkofaname · 27/09/2024 18:17

I know it's easy for us on here to say : He is not LTR material.

Yvawn · 26/09/2024 08:43

Good for you!
You're an inspiration.

LlynTegid · 31/07/2024 20:30

Thanks for reminding me to read the update, which is good news.

OPs now ex is the kind of person who should be single all their life. If it was practical (its not) I wish there could be a register of people unsuitable to be in any relationship.

MarvellousMonsters · 31/07/2024 19:28

Madnessinblue · 17/07/2024 09:19

Good morning everyone!

So here is the final update. I confronted him and he admitted to some parts of his wrongdoing but was still lying about some aspects and generally made a huge mess of trying to cover his tracks by changing his story.

I told him I can’t be with someone who lies to me. He then started telling me it was my fault he lied as he doesn’t feel comfortable telling me the truth (yes that’s what a liar is!) putting me down and accusing me by making things up, being disloyal, being a user. None of which is true as I’ve always been honest and loyal to him, to a fault. Plus I’ve been there for him during his time of hardship in every way possible. But enough was enough.

I ended it and went on a solo trip for the first time ever. I had the most amazing time, met some lovely people and already feel stronger and ready for the future and all it has to offer .

Thank you all for your input, advice and recounting your past experiences. It helped such a lot!

Brilliant! Onwards and upwards.

CeruleanDive · 27/07/2024 21:39

And you really, really need to RTFT, or at least OP's last updates before sharing your thoughts, @Pinkprincess21.

Pinkprincess21 · 27/07/2024 20:02

I'm sorry to say this, but the signs are there, he wants out! But he's either too cowardly to say it to your face or, has he met someone else?

You really need to confront him about this, he's obviously distancing himself from you for a reason... This does not sound like someone who is ready or wants to commit.
He has to decide what he wants and stop playing with your emotions and tell you he doesn't wish to be in this relationship any longer or, stop the games, come home and sort his relationship out with you.
This is really, hard and such a crappy situation for you to be in.
Why is he extending the vacation, why spending and living it up lavishly? Who is he trying to impress, that's the question.
If you don't get satisfactory answers... Cut him loose, you deserve better not this buls&£%?t!

Sorry to be so brutal!

Note: is it just him & his friend on this holiday? Or do they have any third & fourth party members with them? of the female variety, did you see him and his friend off at the airport?
I'm really suspicious of all the signals that I'm reading.

Angrywife · 18/07/2024 22:52

Brilliant update, well done you! xx

usernother · 17/07/2024 15:06

Well done OP 👏👏

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 17/07/2024 14:34

Yes my girl I’m so damn proud of you! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Know your worth x

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 17/07/2024 14:32

Gummybear23 · 17/07/2024 10:14

It over.

He has not got the guts to tell you.

Stop wasting your life.

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Clearly haven’t rtft 🙄

Olika · 17/07/2024 11:45

Stay strong and don't entertain his bs. Well done for ending it.

pikkumyy77 · 17/07/2024 11:11

Great update! You are honestly an inspiration to all of us! Your decisive action will have saved your life. At a crucial moment you made the bold choice to believe yourself.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 17/07/2024 10:29

"He then started telling me it was my fault he lied as he doesn’t feel comfortable telling me the truth (yes that’s what a liar is!)"

Oh totally your fault and you should take full responsibility for making him lie OP 😂😂😂

Good for you having a great time on holiday and never having to subsidise, emotionally support, or make him feel uncomfortable about telling the truth again!

Gummybear23 · 17/07/2024 10:14

Madnessinblue · 27/06/2024 22:52

He claims he loves me and wants to make it work and that he’s just overwhelmed with work and responsibilities. But I just don’t buy it anymore. All we ever do when we actually see each other is take a walk and watch tv due to money. Now he’s eating at some of the finest places and partying without me.

Show quote history

It over.

He has not got the guts to tell you.

Stop wasting your life.

JFDIYOLO · 17/07/2024 10:11

Fantastic!!!! Kick the dust off your shoes and skip off into another lovely twat-free adventure. Well done.

Starrynights9 · 17/07/2024 09:45

The advice here isn't always correct although when it is & an OP reacts accordingly it can change lives. Stay strong OP, you've definitely done the right thing on this occasion.

ilikemethewayiam · 17/07/2024 09:40

Oh this is fantastic news! I love reading updates like this where beautiful women who have given their all to an ungrateful man break free and spread their wings! The holiday sounds wonderful (I’m thinking of doing this myself). Wishing all the best for the future. 💐

Oxforddictionary12 · 17/07/2024 09:32

Very glad to read this. You have so much to look forward to : ) I'm sure you'll find someone fab who makes you their priority 😊

Eadfrith · 17/07/2024 09:25

Eadfrith · 17/07/2024 09:24

If you don’t even live together then run freeee. Why not you go on a holiday and live it up without him?

Just read the update, fab!

CeruleanDive · 17/07/2024 09:24

Fantastic news, OP. What a nasty piece of work he is. Onwards and upwards!

Eadfrith · 17/07/2024 09:24

If you don’t even live together then run freeee. Why not you go on a holiday and live it up without him?

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