To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

I definitely agree the latter.

I think the grit your teeth and get on with it approach creates a carapace rather than true resilience.

Everyone should boycott all these compulsory public displays of ability (or lack thereof).

Like the ones where all the kids have to get up and competitively solve maths problems in front of the whole school and all their parents. Or the ones where everyone has to read out loud to see who's the best, and those who are slower and stumble over the words have hundreds of eyes on them and people cheering encouragingly as they slog through the last paragraph when everyone else has long finished. Or the ones with a school-wide singing contest that you can't get out of no matter how off-key and embarrassed you are.

Oh, hang on…

Stay off school, keep kids off school, in solidarity with those people whose strengths lie elsewhere and don't need a public demonstration of that. It might be necessary to have kids read out loud, or run and throw balls about, in front of 25-30 classmates, or have them sing/mouth words as part of a big group in assembly (do they still make kids sing in assembly?), or do maths on a regular basis. But there's only one subject where many schools hold an annual display of ability, and routinely expect participation to be compulsory regardless of aptitude or inclination to perform publicly.

I agree - the “make them suffer” crowd probably want to ensure their own kids have an adoring audience at any costs! Loved sports day myself as autumn birthday I absolutely cleaned up,

This is completely unrealistic, for multiple reasons.

One, benefits of physical exercise. There's going to be a substantial amount of hanging around, and most athletics based sports days don't involve that much movement anyway. Only really the longer distance races.

Two, what does 'designed to be fun' even mean here? You don't know if that's true or not, and even if that was the intention it clearly hasn't succeeded. Importantly, your claim that everyone should be able to join in is very naive too. Lots of DC simply do not cope well in this kind of environment, full stop. It's noisy, different, overwhelming. You haven't taken them into account at all. It doesn't sound like the organisers of this sports day have either. And that in particular is objectively, nailed on stupid. At best.

Three, children won't be allowed to do anything other than cheer and encourage each other. If you think any school can prevent anything more negative from happening, I've got a bridge to sell you.

This sports day is objectively stupid, serving no useful purpose for OPs DD and the best life lesson that could be taught here is to just say no.

If she’s scared of looking silly in front of year 6s then you have a bigger problem than just sports day and you need to have a word with the head about the culture of the school. At our school the year 6s take pride in helping and caring for the little ones. Sports day is meant to be fun, the school needs to address that if it’s not the case.

I don’t think sitting out of sports day is any more ok than sitting out of maths or English, anyway. It’s one day of playing games on a field they’re not going down the mines.

I agree - also you don’t become more resilient by forcing yourself to do things that make you feel sick. You build resilience when you feel supported and understood

She is 7 years old and there will be plenty of hard things in her life yet to come , if a mother can help make her little ones life easier and stop her worries for a few hours why on earth wouldn't she .
There are some hard hearts on here who force their kids into doing every bloody thing with no choice whatsoever no compromise ,not my idea of good parenting.
I am no pushover and my kids have not missed much time over their school years but there has been the odd day once in a while when i have let them get out of the situation and thats what you mother is there for ,someone who always has your back.
Op keep her off and do something lovely instead , can't think of much worse for all concerned than being outside bored shit less in searing heat.

Don’t force her. This feels beyond just not wanting to do something and actually her feeling very anxious/ traumatised by it. You need to work with her on it and it might just be an age thing. It doesn’t feel like something you should be forcing to me.

The difference being you don’t have to perform maths in front of the whole school and all the parents. I think sports day is barbaric.

Nope- my daughter came 7th out of 8 last week In 400 metres. She came off and said ‘mummy, that was horrendous! But at least I did it! Layla didn’t even try!’

@Janedoe82 And were you proud of her for pointing the finger at someone who didn’t/couldn’t take part? Nice 🙄 I think you’ve proved @Calliopespa's point

@SocoBateVira The bar for something to be "objectively" stupid is actually pretty high! Clearly there are students who enjoy it. There is the benefit of physical exercise. There's the chance for parents to come in to see their kids and to be part of the school community. It's been designed to be fun not competitive so everyone should be able to join in even if not keen on athletics or team sports. Children will be cheering and encouraging each other (they won't be allowed to do anything else). Children might find they can do something they didn't think they could. Handled right (and obviously I know my kids' sports days not the OP's, but the set up she describes is the same) it can be a bonding experience for the school community.
Whether OP keeps her dd off or send her in, she needs to examine this fear of being laughed at a bit more. Being too self-conscious can really make life tougher.

I hated PE could not stand it sports days were my hell and my mother would make me go as soon as i got to high school i never did any sports.
As an adult my 2 children did about 3 sport days i either kept them off or asked the teacher if they could do something else.
They hated PE And i was not going to put them through what i had to do.
Not liking or doing sports dont make you unhealthy either.
I hated school end of so pleased my children dont go now.

Couldn't agree more!

Nope.

It's objectively stupid for multiple reasons. It's poorly organised, is bound to cause some DC stress and is evidently going to lead to absences from school that wouldn't happen otherwise. This is why it's objectively stupid. And if you think it serves a useful purpose despite all the negatives, let's hear what it is.

I have to say I agree with @EatTheGnome . Yes, their post is blunt but that's why anonymous forums can be so useful.

If this has been building up for weeks, it should have been addressed way before. The school could have given her some assistant role that would let her feel comfortable but still experience the day. Then next year she might be ready to fully participate.

Instead your dd has built sports day up into a torture day in her head and will either be very anxious if she goes or have no reason to change her mind if she skips.

But all this said, this in no way makes you a bad parent. Nobody always makes the perfect parenting decision. The key is to keep reflecting how we can do things better next time a similar situation turns up. And asking for advice is a great thing, because it can give us some differing view points.

And whatever you choose, OP, once sport's day is done with, I really think it would be useful to dig into your child's views a bit. Why is she so worried about appearing 'silly' when she's still so young? Is a more serious problem at play e.g. with bullying? What are some long term strategies she or you could put in place to improve her anxiety?

The spirit of Prince Philip is strong on this thread!

Make the children suffer its character building! Not a parenting style we follow.

There's nothing "objectively stupid" and "serving no useful purpose" about the sports day the OP describes.

I suspect resilience is talked about so much these days as a counterbalance to the excessive pandering to people's feelings that goes too far in the other direction! I am thinking more of adults here, but children did not get the level of emotional support from teachers or parents that is expected today. I think the change is largely a good thing, but we do also teach the point where every piece of homework is anxiety-inducing and a task we don't want to do is triggering.
Sorry I sound like someone on GB News! But there's some truth in it.

I agree on the resilience point, but also keeping her off is actually a great opportunity for an important life lesson here.

Which is that sometimes you'll be asked to do things that are objectively stupid and serve no useful purpose. Sometimes you'll be able to refuse to do these things with no negative consequences. It's important for DC to be able to identify these occasions, and to understand that it's legitimate for them to say no. That's a much better life lesson to learn than the one that making her go in would teach.

I'm really getting concerned with the obsession with "teaching resilience". It smacks of Spartanism and can be a cover for thinly disguised sadism - or masochism? "This will hurt me far more than it hurts you" springs to mind.

It's obviously a buzzword situation fostered by social media but I think it's getting out of hand as it has an undertone of zealotry and the "benefits" of suffering, something that religions are condemned for espousing.

It seems to come from a misunderstanding of stoicism which is supposed to be a philosophy of self-control and awareness, not the blind acceptance of injustice or suffering. It's supposed to be about self-protection and understanding in the face of adversity, which is a process in itself.

As ever we swing from one extreme to another, overlooking the middle ground and balance.

We get through challenges of different kinds as we grow up, learning from them. The way in which we do so depends on the support and reaction of those around us. If the reaction of people around you to the way you react to something distressing feels as much of a punishment as the experience itself, it can do massive lasting harm, especially to a child's mind.

When we're told our feelings aren't important we are left struggling because feelings are powerful. They may not be rational or proportionate, but they are drivers of our behaviour. In my experience we ignore them at our peril.

Being listened to might just foster more "resilience" than we realise.

And my Step kids mum forced them to go to school even if they felt ill etc. I never did with mine. Guess which children are doing better and school and choose to learn about things in their own time and do their homework without being asked?

Forcing is an approach that can back fire. Teaching them to enjoy and value being active and learning is a far more sustainable long term approach

All those trotting out the resilience line are batshit. Sports day is not the only opportunity for your child to learn resilience. Plus, not every situation needs to be a bloody life lesson.

Keep her off school. It sounds as though she's a great kid who does well and needs her mum to help her out with this one.

She did it last year. That didn't solve a lot of problems, did it?

Our school lets children work as backstage crew if being on stage fills them with horror

Nope- my daughter came 7th out of 8 last week In 400 metres. She came off and said ‘mummy, that was horrendous! But at least I did it! Layla didn’t even try!’