To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

Let's not pretend that not attending sports day is the main reason for the increase in childhood obesity. Plenty of children who fear being watched and observed by hundreds of parents are perfectly fit and healthy in other respects. Dd runs, swims, does gymnastics, loves dancing etc and is tall, slim and physically very fit. But ask her to balance a beanbag on her head in front of a large crowd of people and she's a wreck.

You don't perform maths or geography tests in front of the whole class and their parents, do you? But plenty of children struggle to give a presentation in front of them. Is it better to force them to 'perform', leading to increased anxiety and life long fear, or work to support them to build resilience gradually, such as presenting in front of a smaller group and in pairs initially? We're talking about a 7yo, not a 37 year old.

I was just thinking about this!

I HATED sports day but was always made to go - and I always ended up enjoying myself.

What made it enjoyable was the team atmosphere - and that only really existed at sports events.

I don't know if it was just down to my school (and it was about 30 years ago) but everyone was really encouraging - even if they weren't usually. The older kids painted the younger ones' faces in their 'faction' colours, everyone had to sit and watch all the races so it was pretty boring but it meant that your whole faction was calling out your name and even when you came last (which I did every single race) there was still lots of 'Well done, Claibel' etc etc.. I remember getting hugs from the older girls went I (inevitably) lost and came back crying. We invented rubbish cheerleading routines, had a picnic with our mums for lunch and then got an icecream at the end..

Actually sports day was pretty good! But, yes, it was being in an encouraging team that made it so

The sports day set up does sound like it needs work- perhaps you could raise this with school.
No, its not your job to solve all of her problems for her, its your job to support her and teach her the skills she will need in life to solve problems for herself.
One of my children was very similar, came last in everything for Sports day, horrific day for them. But, top of the class for every maths test, every spelling test. It taught them that sometimes we have to do things we wouldn't naturally choose to do, all the other children have to do maths even though many of them will hate it and they might be the winners on sports day- its a chance to learn to be a good "loser" and be default helps teach them to be a good "winner" which is such a valuable life skill.

Speak to school in the interim though, it sounds like there could easily be improvements made that will benefit more than just your child.

@Yerroblemom1923 well you're entirely shifting the meaning of what I said (I assume it's deliberate rather than failure to understand), but you do you...

@Tracey444 apologies, I got the wrong end of the stick. I didn't realise you were Team Layla, rather than championing the girl who came 7th for having a go.

I did an online course on resilience (with FutureLearn) because I felt I could do with a bit more 'grit'. It was fascinating. I learned that resilience is something you build in a community - it's not about individuals being strong on their own - and that looking after your own mental and physical health is also important. I think next year the op will know to discuss it with the school in advance and come up with a strategy but I think it's absolutely fine to give a distressed 7 year old a break.

OP that is absolutely not being a parent. A parent’s job is to support, to advise, to promote resilience, to be a safe landing place when it all goes wrong. Definitely, definitely not to solve.

The resilience point which @MistressoftheDarkSide raises is a serious one. I do actually think that resilience is a problem and has been eroded in children. Much has been written about the post COVID crisis in self esteem and the anxiety that comes with that. I do think there is a tendency to over medicalise mental difficulties and to enable children to avoid facing difficult situations.

But I agree that reverting to some boys public school in 1975 model of teaching, being told to crack on and buck up is a disastrously ineffective approach. And as you say a strong element of this is competitive children and competitive parents being stealthily hubristic.

It comes down to understanding the individual child and their particular challenges and guiding them through it appropriately. I think it also requires an understanding of where the line is drawn between genuine fear/anxiety and lack of self confidence/inertia.

And yeah they will feel compared and ranked regardless of "noncompetitive" talk — everyone knows which kid is running the slowest out of those plonked in the slow-kid events.

The equivalent to those is the regular PE lessons.

If I had a kid who was panicking at the idea of being forced to get up and sing in front of the whole school and loads of invited parents so that they could be compared and ranked with all the other kids, hell yes I'd want to take them out. I'd want to take them out regardless, as a protest at the existence of such an event. A music lesson where the class is learning how to use their voices? No, I wouldn't take them out.

@Yerroblemom1923 your point is the opposite of mine - confused why you're saying 'my point exactly'...

My point exactly. It really IS the taking part, the showing up that counts, and clearly this Mum has impressed this point upon her daughter. Yes, she probably shouldn't be sneering at Layla, but I'm guessing she was used as an example rather than someone to be sneered at.

So when a child doesn't like a maths test, or singing, or geography let's take them out and give them a safe space?
Isn't this why all the silliness in society is happening?
A non competitive sports day which is what this is, it's fun, a chance for everyone to have a laugh and enjoy being active, we complain about children being on screens, but then when a physical activity comes around, oh it might upset them...

Get a grip, or invest in a lifes supply of cotton wool

My 6 year old is staying home with me on Tuesday as he also hates sports day. I also can’t think of anything worse than having to sit in the blazing sun for an hour making mindless small talk with other parents. He’s learning musical instruments at the moment which is building his confidence. He’s just not the sporty type like myself.

More like, one of you has a deathly banana allergy and the other one refuses to believe that's a thing.

I think you need to work on making it out to not be such a big deal to her. Don't pander to the hysterics. Just explain it's only a few hours, Mum and Dad (or whoever) will be there cheering you on and we just care that you do your best, we're proud of you for trying etc etc and we'll go out for tea/ice cream etc afterwards to celebrate. Play down the importance of winning if that's what's worrying her.
I just don't think it's a good attitude to impart in one so young that it's OK to just not show up for things that you're not so keen on. We all have to do things we don't necessarily like in life - many people hate their jobs, for example - but quitters never win and winners never quit.
Also I feel it's important to encourage kids to enjoy exercise (ok so it doesn't have to be running, jumping, 🥚 and 🥄 race etc) but give them the opportunity to find out which sport they do enjoy eg climbing, dance, tennis. I think if kids are turned off sport/exercise early in life it doesn't set a good precedent.
My dd is studying sport science (because she enjoys it) and she knows she has her strengths and weaknesses in certain sports but she'll have a go and laugh it off if it's not one of her stronger points.
Sport is there to be enjoyed and tell your daughter to not take it too seriously. My dd's netball team often loses but she just sees every match as a chance to catch up with her mates and be part of a team.
And, as a pp said, the teachers have enough to deal with, I'm sure you can reassure your dd, OP.

The problem with your fun competition idealism is it completely excludes all the DC for whom it's not, and for whom a pair of headphones aren't going to solve that problem. Those of us with ND kids who struggle to cope simply have a better understanding here. So it's not that we're describing different things. We're describing the same thing, but only one of us has noticed that the banana has gone off.

And OP has been quite clear here that the sports day is badly organised. It's also evident that it's going to be a problem for some DC and that it will lead to non-attendance that wouldn't otherwise happen. These things are all facts and all bad. Which is why the best life lesson that could be learned here, if one insists on seeing it that way, is that this is an objectively stupid and pointless thing that can and should be swerved.

I kept my daughter off sports day last year as it was causing her a lot of anxiety. I had plenty people tell me that I was silly for keeping her off but stuck to my guns. I expected to have to do the same thing this year but she was absolutely fine to take part! So I think go with your gut.

Agreed. Well played (or not!) to Layla. A great example to set.

You have clearly had very negative experiences of school sports days - not sure if you've ever been at the ones based around fun not competition, but you have missed out if so!
No booing (been to about ten sports days so far). The sports day the OP and I are talking about doesn't have athletics based races, so everyone is doing something all the time so yes, there's exercise. His teacher gave my son noise cancelling headphones to wear when the noise was too much.
of course there will be children who get less out of this than others, and who struggle. But you have far from proved the "objectively stupid" point you were trying to make!
I think your concept of the day and mine are very different - like I'm describing a banana and you a kiwi.

This is the most balanced advice on here. Totally agree.

Good on Layla. It can take courage, independence and yes, resilience to choose not to participate in a pointless public display when you know that others will be sneering about you to their mummies.

That if she is scared and worried I won’t force her to put herself in a position that makes her uncomfortable when I, as an adult, can sort it very quickly
The focus here shouldn't be so much whether or not to protect her from a stressful and upsetting event, but to explore and help her understand and deal with the reason why it is causing her these feelings.

Why is she embarrassed? You say she lacks confidence. In what way? Why is she concerned about what Year 6 think?

I would have told her that you'll do your part by keeping her away this year but she will need to do her part by working with you understanding the root of the problem and looking at ways to make it better with the aim to do it next year and be proud of having overcome her issues.

I totally agree. I don't understand how any parent can force their child to go a sports day who's been hysterically upset about going. It's mean.

I was also wondering about PP who have suggested OP should've gone to the teacher and asked them to support her child...teachers apparently have no time to have a wee, do they really think the teacher would be jumping up and down at that request which takes time away from any actual teaching? Ridiculous.

Or the “awww bless” patronising to the slower kids from the parents July birthday dd1 hated that