To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

Sonic you do get worried or anxious at exams we can take them out? Everyone get anxious or worried or a bit tearful or over excited, a good parent helps Thier child manage these emotions, not run away from the bad ones. This is exactly why everything is a mess now, if some one if worried not turning up or facing it is ok, so the bullies win. Life isn't fair or a bed of roses, stuff happens, relationships break up, people loose jobs, DC doesn't get that dream uni place do we all give up and cry, no we get on.

Hope your child had a good day!

Sports day was hell for me.
I was useless and when very young knew I would fail the unhappy team I was inflicted upon for the potato race😕

Other solo races brought deep failure and solo humiliation (unless even unluckier asthmatic Alison was in with me) for years.

At my school they never treated academic achievement in the same way… nor ever publicly humiliated those lacking ability in academic things.

Have things changed?

If you’re going to seriously compare sports day to a maths test, you shouldn’t be going around telling other people to get s grip.

I was proud that she realised she had achieved something she thought she couldn’t do. And with regards to the other child who refused to do it- well all that’s happened now is that a pile of other 11 and 12 year olds think she is a wet blanket and she has ostracised herself as not being a team player! I don’t need to teach my child to think like that- it is natural human behaviour and therefore parents should think carefully about what message they send their child when they let them opt out of things they find hard.

I'm sure the school didn't miss you either! There's almost always enough other supportive group-minded children and teachers to cheer the athletes on and make it a pleasant day for them, unless of course it rains...

What about getting every child to play an instrument at a music evening, or sing solo, or put everyone's art on display and invite parents in to see it (and judge it)?

Someone who is sporty should enjoy competing against other sporty people who want to be there, not against everyone regardless of ability or desire to compete.

And if it's not competitive then it's not really a chance for those kids to shine anyway, so why would it matter so much if a few kids who hate that kind of thing aren't there?

You were so right! An awful lot can change in a year!

Let her skip it. I did really well throughout school, studied diligently, never missed classes, got straight A's, but I was painfully shy, clumsy, and hated sports, sports day would have been my worst nightmare. I still have fond memories of the day my mum let me skip it and took for a day out to the cinema and lunch instead (to a Wimpy - the height of excitement in those days). A lovely memory of spending time with my mum, a happier me, and missing it made zero difference to the rest of my life.

I’m sure it’s supposed to be fun and lots of DC will thoroughly enjoy it. OP’s DD is not one of them. It’s the equivalent to a work team building day. It’s an escape from the office but whether it really builds the team ..,

Perfect

Yes but they don't have to perform them in front of an audience. And their grades are confidential not paraded to the school at large unless their parents post them all on Facebook

I can't see how it's relevant to sports day that these subjects are graded. Maybe they could just grade PE rather than make children run in front of hoardes of yelling parents

@MistressoftheDarkSide - 2 brilliant posts.

I was sat here reading the thread and thinking “resilience, my arse” in relation to sports day and enforced “fun”. You expressed it much better.

I do think there is a general misinterpretation of stoicism. So sad that posters have referred to OP’s child as being hysterical and that she shouldn’t be pandered to. Sounds like her worries are justified and she should be able to tell her Mum and be listened to.

No those subject are just assessed and judged and used to determine the majority of their academic career and future prospects…. So no pressure at all.

Only if all others have to attend and support the theatre kids' end of year play, and the choir kids' Christmas recital (a whole standalone event, not just them providing a bit of music in the middle of some other school event), and the arty kids' exhibition of artworks, and stand quietly and appreciatively while the maths kids sit the Olympiad papers, and cheer on the geography geniuses while they participate in a special field trip just for them.

Otherwise, no, the sporty kids can learn to enjoy what they're good at without needing the cheers of a convenient crowd of compulsory attendees.

Maybe it would be better if only the children that wanted to compete or were good at sports compete. All others can sit and cheer on.
Its the forced having to join in which is embarrassing i think. Its important to those with sporty kids, i get that, but you can still be proud of your child competing against those that want to be there.

They don't perform those subjects in front of baying parents though.

My children do sport or are active every day. They enjoy PE. They just hate sports day

Exactly, mine will miss sports day if she misses (largely due to the stupidly over the top prize for the winning house) but regularly performs in professional theatre shows. I think she's sufficiently resilient!

you have to fight the fights that are in your interest, teaching kids to indiscriminately squash their feelings and do it anyway is old fashioned nonsense and depending on your kid, can lead to burnout.

So mine miss sports days, but do enter academic competitions for example, even though the anxiety and stress involved in both is similar.

But one is pointless and the other they want to do and have to deal with tricky feelings.

Talking about resilience...

As I said two of my children don't go to sports days because they hate them and get upset by them. They're still good, well rounded kids who are more than able to handle age appropriate problems themselves. My eldest, who is now home educated went through incredible levels of bullying at secondary school and 'coped' - he wanted to work with school to try and manage it and get on with it. We gave him the option of leaving two years ago to stay home for education and he wanted to see how it went and stuck it out as long as possible. I'd say that's pretty good relisiance bevcause he didn't want to give up, even though he was facing bullying that most adults wouldn't be able to cope with (and shouldn't have to!).

Resilience is developed in a range of ways. Yes, doing things that make us uncomfortable or a little worried at times is one of them, but it's just one of them. Being able to say 'no, that's something I really really cannot or won't do' is another and knowing they have that support behind them. As an adult, I can and do say no to things that I know push me too far beyond my comfort limits - why don't we allow children the same priviledge? Yes, pushing the comfort limits is crucial, and it sounds like she has done that by going to them in the past, and perhaps even taking part in normal PE lessons.

We need to be teaching children about boundaries and when we should be able to say no - especially girls who historically have had to do what their told all the time. Of course there are some boundaries as parents we have to enforce - but picking battles is also important, and things like school trips, extra curriculum activities and sports days are things I am not going to force my kids to do if they feel really uncomfortable doing so.

Maths, English etc is not comparable in the slightest. I hated PE and maths at school equally but PE did make me incredibly anxious because of the competitive and performative aspect of it which does not apply to most other school lessons.

And another thing to consider is that so many people are turned off sports because of school PE lessons and sports days. I was quite a sporty child outside of school but school PE was so horrific that it stopped me doing it altogether. My children who haven't done sports days are just as active and sporty as the ones who do - the one went on a ten mile bike ride recently, will go to play kickabouts, loves tennis. This is because there's not the pressure, the audience, the competitiveness. I'd rather my kids enjoy doing sports and do them because they want to rather than because they are forced to take part in badly organised sports days.

Sports day is where I discovered my rebellious streak in year 6.
I refused to run the 1000m, and walked from the start. Came in dead last.

I have never seen my teacher as angry as that day. Not that I cared, because that teacher was a massive arse who only liked the athletic kids, so I was never going to get his approval anyway.

I always hated sports day and wished my mom would let me skive. It was over 2 days on a hot field without any shade. Strictly competitive athletic events.

That’s a good compromise. I guess some schools might have kids as “helpers” on sports day too? Could work well.

Perhaps we could go back to promoting self confidence rather than resilience?

Unfortunately we live in a competitive world and we are encouraged at every turn to compare ourselves with others and practise one upmanship at every turn.

It's marketed as a throwback to the evolutionary thing of survival of the fittest which can lead to some rather unpalatable outcomes if left unchecked.

We are all unique individuals working within society / communities. There is, as I say, a balance to be had.

Some of the most amazing art, writing and music has come from analysing the burden / blessings and mysteries of our consciousness and how we all interact with each other.

Some will come out fighting against disadvantage and conquer it - some will quietly lick their wounds and take a different path. Some will simply fade into obscurity unable to find their niche.

I can't abide "forced fun". Why do I have to follow a herd when it's often a painful endurance test that leaves me with my childhood feelings that there is "something wrong with me".

I'm an over-thinker and an introvert by nature but I have tried alot of things - some I enjoyed, some I didn't so I didn't keep going back. Life circumstances have recently meant I've been excluded from things I did enjoy - a series of unfortunate events most of which I had no control over, and the things I did I didn't handle well due to my distress, which I tried to suppress for the sake of other people. It hasn't ended well and I'm now trying to re-group and rebuild, but on my own terms. It's hard.

Alot of my issues I can clearly see stem from childhood experiences which I can make peace with intellectually but emotionally I get side swiped by the most ridiculous things.

At 7 signs of insecurity should be addressed compassionately. That was around the age my parents divorced and my life got turned on its head. I was expected to "just get on with it". It lead to faking illness and various behaviours because I was prevented from talking about my feelings and insecurities.

It got nipped in the bud but the point I'm trying to make is that the OPs daughter is asking for support for whatever reason and a bit of TLC now on this minor issue in an adults mind might make all the difference next year to a 7 year old.

Hmm I'm not sure. It's horrible to see your child so anxious about something. But equally, resilience is such a powerful life skill. Not many of us like exams, public speaking, dentists etc but we get on with it. I know she probably won't become an athlete cos of primary school sports day but she'll have tried and there's pride to be had from doing things that don't come naturally.

I would chat to the school about how anxious she is about it though.

Layla will end up CEO of some large company having successfully PR’d and concealed her weaknesses throughout her career!