To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

Ha, sports day. My kids went during infants, because it was a couple of hours in the school field. They hated it, it was boring and hot, but only 2 hours and I could work from home and flex my hours around it. Then for juniors it becomes a full day event half an hour’s drive away, necessitating a full day off work for me to sit in a boring stadium while my kids scowl at me for forcing them to go. So we skip it every year. I take the day off anyway, but we spend it going to the seaside or to museums or paddle boarding. So much better - my kids look forward to it all year, and love all the subterfuge of pretending they’re racked with flu or whatever 😁

This is my exact thinking. Dd never asks for days off, never pretends to be sick etc. But this has upset her so much the last couple of weeks that tonight at bedtime she was basically hysterical.

@Cadela I was a fairly unsporty child. I tried my best but was just a bit inept.

My DD was pretty similar. I think the best thing I did was let her know it didn't matter a jot. This may be an unpopular view here but I made no secret from early on that we really didn't mind if she wasn't good at PE as it was the least important of all her subjects.

That said, it wasn't necessary to ever keep her away from Sports Day because she knew it wasn't important and nothing to worry about.

I think if your DD is getting hysterical about something as unimportant as this then maybe you need to explore a bit to see if anything else is behind her fears. It does seem a disproportionate reaction.

Rather than just keeping her away I think it might be healthier to work out why she is so worked up about it and reassure her it really doesn't matter much.

I would absolutely talk to her teacher about this before I'd keep her off. The day sounds like they've tried to make it fun rather than really competitive (with the "no races, no winning"). My mum kept me off for some things I was worried about at school. Although at the time I thought this was great, it would probably have been better if she'd sat down and talked with me and helped me to resolve whatever was worrying me.

In this scenario it's not artificially low though. It's sports day that's the issue, she's attending fine otherwise.

DD will be missing sports day this year

I offered her the choice of dentist or sports day. She will was delighted to go to dentist instead

Tells you all you need to know really

If you have anxiety your baseline of where to draw the line is artificially low. We have poor perspective on what we can cope with.

I honestly think teaching your kids to power through discomfort is a really important lesson. I never let DD avoid anything, she used to be a really scared and anxious toddler, few years later she’ll walk into anything and give it a go and not care if she’s good at it or not.

There isn’t always an exit ramp, life will throw you shit you just have to deal with, get it over and done with. The more you avoid temporary discomfort the more anxiety will build. i was diagnosed with a GAD so I know all about how crippling anxiety about anything can be. I still rake over what I did/didn’t do but I don’t have the questions of “what if” to contend with.

Part of resilience is learning where to draw the line. The most successful adults know when to put in the effort and when to give themselves a break.

Not sure why you are asking as you seem pretty determined and just like the answers that tell you to keep her off. I would raise it with the school. Sports day experiences can vary a lot depending how they school run it. I used to hate sport and suffer at PE lessons, always the lsst one to be picked for teams etc. BUT I used to enjoy Sports Day as we could have a go at things we never usually did such as weigh trowing, discus, javelin, just something different and it was quite fun. If she is so worried about older children watching maybe there are underlying issues so still worth talking to the school even if too late for sports Day...

I think at 7, that's unreasonable.

I dislike sports day! My son did great this year and I still dislike it. Because some kids will just never be sporty or good at running. There's alot of emphasis upon running above anything else. If you aren't fast, you therefore have no chance. Many of these kids will have great strengths in other sporting activities.

I agree that you can't sweep on and fix everything. I agree with your sentiment tbh but my view is there will be so many more things you're going to have to do at school that you don't like.

I also don't think it's the end of the world if they skive either. She is only 7. I'd probably in this situation say yes to day off but it's a one off and we will find a way to ensure you make it next year.

I would keep her off. It sounds like it will be a really stressful day for her and you too because you will be worrying about her all day. Not worth it.

So I'm very much on the side of not forcing any of my children to do anything that they really don't want to do (within reason - obviously things like the dentist are more important than sports day etc). I'll coax, cajole, offer to speak to the school etc etc, but I will never force them.

I am the one person (apart from their Dad) who they can trust and if I force them to do something they're not comfortable with, then that trust is broken.

Two of my children are ND so we have had quite a few issues with school refusal (My daughter currently doesn't do PE at all because she consistently refuses to go to school on PE days and myself and the school felt that it was better she was in for all of her other lessons than miss 3 days out of every 10 because of PE). I have found coaxing, sometimes offering to let them go in late or sometimes breaking things down into small steps - eg just get dressed - don't worry about anything beyond that has mostly been successful in getting them into school, and they still trust me.

So if your daughter is as upset/anxious as it sounds, then I wouldn't be making her go in for it. Maybe next year, you could discuss with the school in advance to see if there are adjustments they could put in place

Sports day is torture for kids who aren’t sporty, I’d let her stay home.

There’s definitely things in life we need to do, and my kids know that. But it’s also an important lesson to learn that the not important things - it’s absolutely fine to not do these things if it makes you uncomfortable. I don’t want my kids growing up thinking they have to do things that make them uncomfortable just because they are ‘meant to’. I wouldn’t take part in a works sports day, so if my kids didn’t want to (they both like it) I wouldn’t make them.

In the real (do you mean adult?) world she will get to choose what she does, or there will be an actual reason / incentive behind doing something she doesn’t want to do.

Sports days were always rituals in abject humiliation for me. They should be banned, or at least just optional.

I'd let her stay at home. I wished I had been allowed to as a child.

My little boy just finished his first year without a single day off. Loved sports day.

If he ever got upset like Ur little one, I'd keep him off without a second thought and take him to the cinema or something nice. His happiness is paramount. There's plenty more.lessons to be learnt in life.

And don't the sporty kids get the glory all year round with the team events they're all in?

Sports day after yr7 was shit. Hours sitting on a field, with one or 2 events.

Sports day as a teacher is shit. Hours of crowd control of bored kids. No one knows which event is really up. No one really cares, unless it's a popular kid who's good at running; then they all watch. They all try and get their phones out. They encroach into the track. They try to mix forms. They cock about.

I always tried to book hospital or dental appointments for sports day, ds hated anything like that.

If she is 7, the Uk government stats calculator gives her projected average life expectancy of living to 90. That is 90 x 365 x 24 hours ie. 788,400 hours. Tomorrow's school day will be about 6 hours long and the sports 'day' only a fraction of that.

Of course, allow her to have the day at home since she's feeling so stressed and you have the flexibility to look after her. She might be super-keen next year. Children need to enjoy physical activity not be put off it - and she stands a much better chance of reaching a healthy old age if she hasn't been put off being active and/or doing sports.

In the real world lots of school kids don't go to Sports Day.

Look, don't force your kid to do sports, if she is that stressed about it at that age.
I was born in a Communist country, the "Army"
we had to go through every day as kids to survive wouldn't pass today.
I'm 45, know about my female class mates having huge problems now, some in MH institutions, male mates violent bullies in prison.
I give this to you as an extreme comparison, how suppressed stress and fear can damage us into adulthood.
No need to force your kid nowadays.

YANBU. Not participating in sports day will have zero negative effect on her future life.

Children who are good at maths get to do well in maths lessons. Children who are good at sport get to do well in PE lessons. A child who struggles with either shouldn't be forced to do it in front of an audience of parents and their whole year group (or possibly whole school)

I have a physical disability and sports day was horrific for me. Skived it in secondary school every time, don't regret it. Sometimes there are things in life we have to do, but this isn't one of them. Nothing is lost by not attending.

Is she being regularly teased by a group of Y6 children? It seems like an odd and specific thing to say, that’s all.