To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

Something else that occurs to me - I mentioned my physical disability making sports day a nightmare upthread. I used to work in a primary school and in everyday school life was able to model that kind of resilience/having a go if it ever came up. (Yes, Miss Temporal's not very good at running, but we're all good at different things and we can find ways to join in and have fun even if we're not the best, etc etc)

Not a chance in hell I'd have taken part in the teachers' race on sports day, even with my colleagues pressuring me to be a good sport and join in. Not in front of a lot of adults I barely knew.

If I wouldn't do it myself, I wouldn't force an upset child or sensitive teenager to do it.

It has enraged me since my own school sports days; indeed it put me off exercise for decades, because I wasn't 'good' at it. Only found out I like running at 50!

They don't force less academic people to demonstrate their academic skills (or lack of) infront of their peers in an excruciatingly embarrassing way...why do they do it with sports?

Keep her off. She'll always remember that you had her back. If you can, go do something 'sporty' that she enjoys, to remind her we are all different.

I would keep her off for one day if she is otherwise not a skiver and is showing significant anxiety about it. I wouldn't lie to the school though. Keep everything above board, let your daughter have a mental health day. Maybe plan it in future, that she gets one 'get off school free' card a year or term.

It's a good idea to show kids that if they're able to opt out of something that is fundamentally stupid with no negative consequences, they can just do it. There are problems that need to be faced up to, but this isn't one of them. It's useful to learn that distinction early.

I think I’d just be looking at why it’s such an ordeal for her at 7 and trying to help her through that. My son wasn’t keen on the swimming carnival and said this was because he wasn’t sure when he was supposed to race, and he didn’t want to come last.
We talked it through and he took a notebook so he could make sure he remembered which races he was in. We also tried to remember who came last in previous races and found that we couldn’t even remember who won, let alone who came last - so even if he did come last, chances are no one would remember anyway. We also talked about how someone has to come last and that if anyone said anything, he should just say “well we can’t all win, otherwise it wouldn’t be a race would it?”

So i would be concentrating on figuring out what the issue is. Surely at 7 no one is “not sporty” - they haven’t had time to make that decision yet! None of them are brilliant anyway, they all just run around and as you say it isn’t even competitive it would be interesting to find out what she’s worried about. That’s where the resilience comes in - figuring out what’s at the root of the issue and tackling that.

Actually, I think being a parent is about teaching your kids to solve their own problems. It isn't the same thing.

As a general rule, I don't think teaching kids to run away from problems is a particularly good strategy. Much better to tackle them head on. In this scenario, I think I would be asking for a meeting with the class teacher and getting dd to explain exactly how she feels so that the school can implement strategies to help her manage her anxiety.

Allowing kids to just avoid things that they're worried about just gives them the message that you don't think they're capable of handling them.

@CassandraWebb the egg thing is awful, nasty and wasteful.
I agree that nurturing is a part of resilience.

Two out of my four children have never done sports days. I keep them off because they hate them.

They hate the sitting around waiting, they hate performing in front of others, it's either baking hot or too cold, and in between the races is boring.

I have no issue in doing that. Mine have chosen to stay at home and do some arts and crafts at home instead.

I'm not sure what the point of asking on here is as you had already made up your mind 🤷‍♀️

Agreed. When I wrote to my son's scout leader and complained quite robustly because they had decided to play a game throwing raw eggs (my son is severely allergic to egg) he just responded saying that the other scouts enjoyed the game and my son needed to be "more resilient". Wtf. It's language trotted out by nasty bullies.

My parents didn't push me to do things I hated (and they are probably glad of that now we have found out I have a genetic condition that explains my struggles) and I have been praised multiple times as an adult for how resilient I have been in the face of at times quite unbelievable challenges. If anything their nurturing helped me become resilient, and helped me learn to have an inner voice that is kind to myself.

I stopped making my kids do sports day because they found it ridiculously overwhelming. They are all on spectrum if that makes any odds but i think it should be optional anyway as so many kids find it borderline traumatic.
I told the school that i was keeping them off for that reason, and the teachers and head was fine with it.
Some kids thrive with stuff like this and other kids really cant cope. Do whats best for your child. They are the ones expected to compete in stuff theyre shit at in front of the whole school and their parents. Not you.
Hideous

Yeah, keep her off. There's no benefit to making her attend and no consequence if you say she's got a headache or whatever. This subject always inspires completely unconvincing claims about resilience or similar, and they don't get any more sensible with repetition.

I'd make her go. I also have a dd who hated sports day (and all PE) in the lower years of primary. Even asking for no one to come and watch her in year 4. We've never put pressure on her that she has to come first or second etc just take part and try her best. She's actually not bad at sport and the last two sports days she's actually enjoyed.

Recently she's played at a netball tournament and rounders for the school - still says she hates PE but thoroughly enjoyed herself and gained a lot of confidence following both occasions. Had I let her opt out and not encouraged her to take part in previous years she may not have attended either.

I never got made to go to any of mine. Boring and a waste of time.
I had a sport which I was passionate about and always got given an extra day to do that.
Take her out for the day and do something nice instead.

but where there is an opportunity for her to learning wasn't as bad as all that then no I would not give her the opportunity as it will become a regular thing.

But she went last year and it really was that bad that she is upset a whole year later! And a year is a really long time for a 7 year old, it’s not like it flies by like it does when you’re older!

Every single aspect of life isn't about 'developing resilience' though. It's one day. Also we don't actually have 'so many kids that can't cope with anything' - that's a line trotted out, often by (but not exclusively) older folk, (with bullying tendencies and) who lack compassion.

But she won’t become resilient if you sort everything! This crap is why we have so many kids now who can’t cope with anything.

Some children do cry more than others, some might just naturally show emotion more (for good or not so good reasons).

Do they though? Is there really this level of crying in the classroom?

There will be sports days for the next 9 years. She does need to address it with the school. It’s fairly obvious she’s going to keep her DD off today.

They don't have to do these in front of all their classmates parents on a giant whiteboard though.

I mean my kids love maths and are near fluent french speakers (we spent time in France when they were preschoolers), they would happily do this for fun, maybe I should suggest it to the school...it will be good for the resilience of children who struggle with those subjects

It's still not a public event.

I would really hope at 7 she doesn't ask for days off or fake being sick. That would be really worrying.
I get that solving problems is part of our job....but not just by not going.
Trust me...I currently have a much bigger issue with a teen. And I have multiple friends who kids have dropped out of school because of anxieties. So I do get it...but I think its appropriate where fears are real and likely to ve realised, but where there is an opportunity for her to learning wasn't as bad as all that then no I would not give her the opportunity as it will become a regular thing.

Your sports day does not sound bad at all.
No races, medals, winners etc you have listed as a bad thing. But given her fear that seems like a good thing?
And moving round 14 different stations for 5 minutes means relatively few people will be watching her...its just giving things a go.

DDs school used to donit this way, with teams made up aof all year groups and the Y6s were supportive and helped the younger ones. It's sad that she is scared of the Y6s. School need to address that.

It’s today! Far too late to address it with the school. The staff will be far too busy organising a sports day to be discussing issues with parents!

I think exercise is important enough that we shouldn't be turning it into a miserable experience for kids.

Keep her off and go for a nice walk instead. Probably be more exercise that all the stupid hanging-around kids do in sports day.