To let Dd skive off tomorrow because of sports day?

I don’t get this approach, teach them to run away from their problems if you want. My youngest had her sports day the other week, it’s was great fun…all the kids were really supportive of each other, they had medals and winners, kids won and kids lost. That’s life.
I don’t see how it’s any different to when a school does music things or nativity plays and kids who clearly don’t want to be there have to do it. My DS has all the rhythm and musical ability of a drunk giraffe and he had to be part of a drumming thing they did in primary a few years ago…I just told him to do your best. He did it and has no life altering scars, he was out of his comfort zone to say the least.

While I agree that children should be taught resilience and it would have been better to have worked with the school on this one, sometimes it's ok to skive off and I think we all know the joy of being allowed to skip something we didn't want to do. And she's only 7. Do what you think best op. Life is one long lesson in resilience so maybe there's a place for random joy as well.

I think this would be a good time to remind her that no one's watching her and to crack on.

Are you complaining there's no winning? But then she doesn't want to compete in front of people?
Multiple sports with friends and no competition sounds great, I can't see the problem

I think there will always be things people don't want to do, parents are there to encourage their children to push their boundaries and develop a strong work. There's a big issue with resilience amongst workers in their 20s currently. Lots of sick leave and anxiety. For your child's sake, teach them that they can and will do it, even if it makes them feel uncomfortable (which is a normal human emotion).

@MistressoftheDarkSide

This is so true. It’s the competitive aspect of it which is problematic.

Kids who are really gifted and want to compete should be enabled to do so against other teams but it’s the pitting of kids at the same school against one another which is unpleasant.

I can see the benefits of having a day to celebrate activity and exercise with the whole school but the public, performative competition element seems very unhelpful.

I was the academic kid that was crap at sports. I hated everything about sports day. I guess there were plenty of sporty kids that were crap at maths and science. The world was less fluffy in the 80s, I wasn't allowed to bunk sports day anymore than they were allowed to bunk physics. I guess as a parent it's your call between building resilience and traumatising the kid. It didn't kill me and I'd be included to go with the former.

I sometimes suspect the resilience comments come from the parents of dcs who thrive on it and just want more people to beat/ watch them win (and who are in fact being vainglorious rather than resilient!)

Myself, I loved sports day for the simple reason we all got an ice cream at the end. So nothing about the pride of resilience or anything so elevated. Children will be children and thus it ever shall be🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm with you OP.

I'm 55 and was not a sporty child. I was the one no-one wanted on their team at primary so well remember the bullying that resulted when the teacher made the decision.

I hated sports day.

Like others here the supposed resilience gained from being forced to participate simply robbed me of the capacity to enjoy physical activity at all, and of trust in other people in many areas.

One thing that strikes me is the number of threads I've seen on MN where people ask if they are being U to avoid work activities like team-building events, and often the consensus is that it's fine to avoid them because cost, inconvenience, pointlessness etc. Bottom line is they don't want to do it isn't it?

Yes, there are things we "have" to do, and primarily we suck it up because there is usually a tangible benefit at the end that outweighs the discomfort. I fail to see the tangible benefit of a day of discomfort and humiliation other than the nebulous gamble that down the line it might foster a sense of "resilience".... a word I'm beginning to hate with a passion.

Life is all about choices. In this case you're choosing your daughter. And the world won't end because she didn't spend a day over-heated and humiliated. I hope you do something nice together ❤️

You don't have to put where you came in your year 6 sats either.

And plenty of children do PE GCSE now

Plus you can be very sporty /active but not enjoy athletics. My nephew is an incredibly good climber and swimmer and wins competitions, but he utterly loathes athletics.

This too. Nobody making this argument ever has a thing to say about the kids who do badly at both.

It's the performative element. If sports day didn't involve parents attending I doubt anywhere near as many children would mind. But at my daughter's school some of the dads in particular literally behave like they are at a football match yelling at the competitors

Sports do keep you healthy, but sports day is really "athletics day". There are plenty of other ways to be sporty. ..

I agree it’s very frustrating that people keep keep claiming it’s a binary “maths kids vs sports kids” duality. It’s a grotesque oversimplification.

In my experience the kids who do really well at sports day are usually the all rounders who are good at everything as opposed to what’s being suggested here which is that it’s a sop to non academic kids. It’s a complete myth that it’s a consolation prize for the non academic kids.

There is no automatic correlation (positive or inverse) between your academic performance and your sports prowess.

Exactly, you don't have to put where you came in the 100m race on your CV or university application 😂 Maths on the other hand....

Keep her off. She's already struggled by 'pushing through' last year and is now anxious and tearful? I don't see any good from forcing her this year. Sure, lots of talks and encouragement from you and trying to make a plan together - and if that works then great - but if not I think compassion and safety is the way to go. Especially at 7! She is unlikely to learn the sorts of groundbreaking life lessons people are expecting, more likely to feel lonely and frightened for no reason.

She a child! Of course a parent needs to sort most difficulties. There is a total power imbalance between children and adults. As we develop into adults, we are able to sort things ourselves with other adults as equals.

Keep her home. Not worth the stress for her. If she was stressed about a test or friendship issues that would be different and somethinv you and the school could work together to solve.
A day of sporting activities are not fun for anyone apart from the sporty kids.
Imagine all of the kids that struggle academically had to take a test in front of everyone and then have all of their scores posted for everyone to see...thats effectively the same thing and we would think that was unfair.

Sports will keep her healthy but OP isn't stopping her doing sports completely, it's just ONE day.

Why are people still trotting out maths comparisons that don't actually compare?

One, there isn't a maths equivalent of sports day. And two, we live in a society where not learning maths would put a child at a disadvantage, whereas there's no such disadvantage from missing sports day.

Sports day is torture for kids who are not sporty and I agree that the need to publicly “reward” kids for a genetic accident in front of their peers and their peers parents is borderline cruel. I think it’s a weird inheritance from public schools where that kind of thing is deemed “character building”. I hated it and my DD hates it.

In my DD’s school the kids choose teams. There is a group of girls in her year who deliberately put the weaker athletes up for challenging sports which they know they won’t excel at in order to laugh at and berate them when they fail. It’s borderline bullying.

That said I don’t think it’s ideal that signal to kids that they can just drop out of stuff because they find it hard. I think the “building resilience” point is overdone but I do think children need to learn that life sometimes involves doing things that are hard or boring or uncomfortable.

My solution was to talk to the head of year to say “look I know its mandatory and I will make DD go but I do want you (the school) to consider the impact on the self esteem of children who are not naturally good at this and there’s a safeguarding dimension to this if you are allowing children to pick teams.”

The school acknowledged that some children were being a bit vindictive when they picked teams and removed this privilege and my daughter was put on a sport which she was better at.

To me that was a happy medium: showing DD I have her back, flagging to the teacher that not everyone enjoys it but also modelling to DD that you try to find a solution as opposed to just not doing it.

Depends on their attendance. My eldest always has 98-100 % attendance, she detests sports day. So every year I let her have it off. I tell school that she isn't feeling well. It's just one day and it makes her miserable to go.

My son is dyspraxic. He was always last in every race and felt awful by the end of it. It was the same with me apparently. I spoke to the school to see if he could do something else but they refused, so each sports day he had an illness. Nothing was said to me, it was probably policy that each child had to take part and I guess the teachers knew but secretly agreed with me.

Sports Day isn’t easy at all for non sporty kids, who probably feel crap about it anyway without the entire school looking on.

The thing is.. some kids are bad at maths (I hated it) but still have to do it. Its not like those kids can’t not go to school. What example are you setting for your daughter? Sports will keep her fit and healthy which to me is a great benefit!!

I've kept mine off since he was about 9, in his school there is still the traditional races such as running, sack race etc. I hated sports day when I was young and my mum kept me off for about the last two years and I was so thankful. I do insist we do something that involves exercise that day so that it isn't just a "free" day. PE is non negotiable though.

I get what people are saying about not being able to opt out of Maths, however you perform on paper, no one around you knows if you are struggling and you get to look at your score in private.

Not necessarily! Long time ago, but neither of my schools had a sports day. My son’s primary school did, but not secondary. Though I agree that if the DD is experiencing the same anxiety next year, it would be worth discussing with the school in the run up.